Page 103 of Vampires of Eden
In the sunny glare of the room, the blush spreads across his cheeks like strawberry jam. He inhales deep and blows out a breath as if concentrating. “No, no one has ever said that. Thank you.”
“I’m jealous. My eyes don’t alight anymore.”
He turns his head, stunned. “Really?”
“I’m too malnourished. My nature isn’t strong enough to present itself outwardly. That’s why I always have resting bitch face. And, arguably, I am a bitch sometimes.”
Alexander snorts. “You do not have… well…”
“Right.”
“No, it’s not that. Your face is expressive, but youcanbe difficult to read. Not as much anymore, but in the beginning, I never knew what I’d get with you. I always assumed you were angry or put out by me.”
“In the beginning, I was.”
“Exactly.”
“Not anymore, though.”
“I know,” he says brightly. “T-shirt.”
“Among other things.”
“Among other things…”
A gentle pause swells in the quiet as we smile. Feeling brave, I scoot closer. “It doesn’t show outwardly, but I’m still capable of being aroused inside my nature. I didn’t think I was, because I haven’t felt anything in a long time. Lately, when we’re together, it speaks to me.”
Alexander watches my every move like a deer in headlights—as if he’s petrified. His body stiffens as I draw nearer. “What does it say?”
At his side and with my knee lightly touching his thigh, I speak softly. “That I’m not dead inside like I thought. I can feel the good things in life—joy, laughter and excitement… You’ve shown me this, Alexander. You give me these sensations.”
Yet again, his eyes glow to life in a blaze of sun fire. This keeps happening and it tells me clearly that in his nature and heart, he desires me too.
Healing from the hurt and rejection he’s been through takes time. I know this.
Even still, shouldn’t we at least acknowledge this growing… I don’t know. Chemistry? Attraction? Impossible madness between us? It feels absurd for us to keep ignoring something so obvious. And I don’t want to.
I meet his gaze. “Do you want me?”
He inhales sharply and his nostrils flare from shock. His eyes widen. “Danny, I—I need to tell you something. It’s a situation that happened between me and Oliver.”
Alright. We’re avoiding the question, it seems.
I nod. “Tell me.”
He reaches up, scratching the back of his head and looking off with his manic and dazzling eyes. “The last time I fedfrom him, I… I lost control of myself. It wasreallybad and I hurt him—like traumatized him, I think. Everything about my interaction with Oliver was awful because I was utter shit at reading things and understanding how he felt. I just don’t think… I’m not good at—no, never mind. My point is, I don’t know if you should let your guard down around me. I don’t even trust myself! Maybe I’m exactly the same as Josefina?—”
“You arenothinglike Josefina,” I interrupt, wanting to make this point explicitly clear. “And I am not Oliver.”
“I know that! You don’t have to keep telling me that—but I…” He shakes his head as if the words escape him.
I hear what he’s saying. He may have hurt Oliver, but he’s obviously walked away with considerable damage as well. I’m not asking him to forget about the pain and I never would. I only want him to acknowledge the here and now—what’s happening betweenusin this moment.
“Listen,” I say, straightening my posture. “I don’t want you to be constantly ashamed of or damning your eyes for alighting, or for what your nature is expressing. You should honor and listen to what it says because it guides you. Don’t condemn it—especially not around me, because I’m not offended, nor am I judging you. Do you get what I’m saying?”
Slowly, Alexander nods. “I understand. I just… want to be careful with you and our friendship. It’s really important to me and I should have more self-control than this.” He gestures toward his glowing eyes in an exasperated motion.
Our friendship.
