Page 145 of When We Ignite
I exhaled heavily. “You said?—”
“I know what I said, Ash,” he cut me off. “I’m being honest with you. I wish I was made of stone or something so this wouldn’t get to me, but it does. I don’t want to be disposable to you.”
“You’re not disposable to me. We’ve been over this, darling. You know why things are the way they are. And yes, of course I like you, but this isn’t…” I hesitated, searching for the gentlest way to phrase it.
“It’s not love,” he finished for me, his tone resigned.
I nuzzled my face into his hair. “It’s not love, pet.”
He stayed quiet for a moment. “You’d be fine if I decided I was okay with us just fucking around? If I left here to have sex with someone else?”
“Yes.”
“What if it was another man? Another older man who wanted to fuck me?”
“I’d be fine with that,” I said, though my discomfort prickled beneath my words.
“Really?” He tilted his chin up, his gaze piercing. “Your fuck boy told me to call him so we could have some fun too. Would you mind that?”
Fucking Chris. I closed my eyes tightly. “That would be…awkward. But if you wanted to, I guess it would be okay.”
“What if I wanted Henry to fuck me?”
That one hit harder than I expected. I tried to keep my face neutral, but I knew he could see right through me.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t keep it in the family.”
Ethan let out a bitter laugh. “Stop lying to me. You ask me to trust you, and I do, but not if you lie to me.”
“Do you want to play the honesty game, Ethan?” I asked, my tone sharper than I intended.
“Yes.”
“Did you lie when you told me you could handle this being just about sex?”
“Yes,” he admitted without hesitation. “Do you really have no feelings for me other than lust? Can you keep this only about sex?”
“That’s more than one question,” I deflected.
“Pick one.”
“No. It’s not the same with you,” I admitted, my honesty softening his expression. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to separate it.”
“The feelings you have for me from the sex?”
“The feelings from the need to end this.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. “I’m sorry I disappointed you,” he said softly, the fight leaving him again.
“You didn’t disappoint me—don’t think that. I want you to feel safe with me.”
“I do feel safe with you. That’s why I don’t want you to leave.”
“Darling…” I trailed off, stroking his hair as he nuzzled closer.
“I’m sorry I freaked out. You didn’t hurt me. It didn’t feel bad at all.”
“It didn’t?”
