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TYLER
Krew plays with histoys on the floor under the soft glow of the television. I wish he was as tired as me after the long holiday, but he’s still going strong.
“Dad?” He looks up at me with his big blue eyes.
“Yeah, bud?”
“Am I ever going to get a new mom?”
My heart breaks a little…okay, a lot. My heart breaksa lot.
“You have a mom.”
“I know, but am I going to get a mom that isn’t dead?”
I keep my voice even and put on a brave face. I should be used to it by now. “Do you want a mom that isn’t dead?”
“I don’t know.” Krew shrugs and goes back to playing with his cars. “It might be kind of nice.”
“I think it would be nice too.” I pause for a second, trying to understand the feeling expanding inside me. “Krew,” I say, pulling his attention back to me. “Even if it doesn’t happen, if you never get a new mom, you’d be okay. You’d have me. I know I’m not a mom, but I’m a good dad, and we’ll be okay on our own. I love you, bud, and I’ll always be here for you.”
“Okay.” His head drops back to his toys.
I chuckle. So much for my amazing parenting moment. But in the end, I think what I said was more for me than for Krew. I’m finally realizing that I’m enough for him, no matter what anyone else says.
Meg helped me realize that.
My phone in my lap buzzes, and I decide to let this conversation die, especially since it seems like Krew has already moved on. I look down, and it takes me a minute to trust what I see.
Meg:Can I vent?
I sit up straighter, running a hand through my hair. It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen or even talked to Meg, and I can’t figure out why she chose Thanksgiving—a pretty important holiday—to text me.
Tyler:Sure.
Meg:Okay, good, because I just need someone to talk to.
Tyler:I’m here for whatever you need.
Meg:It’s my first Thanksgiving without my mom. How do you do this? I need someone to tell me how to do this, because I don’t know what I’m doing, and I feel like I can’t breathe. My dad, my sisters, EVERYONE, seems to be handling it fine. What’s wrong with me?
I exhale. There’s no way around it. The firsteverythingis tough.
Tyler:There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Stop comparing your grief to someone else. Everyone goes through it differently. It’s okay if you’re struggling. Feeling things deeply is a good thing.
Meg:You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just so hard.
I debate whether or not I should send my next text, but I do it anyway.
Tyler:I wish I was there to hug you…tell you in person that everything will be okay.
Meg:I wish you were here too.
Meg:Sorry to interrupt your holiday. Thanks for talking.
Tyler:No problem.
I set my phone down, wishing the ache in my heart would go away, but her text tonight just made it worse. As much as I want to keep the communication going between us, I have to protect Krew and my heart.
