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Not my father.
Not Diane.
Not Tyler.
But even that thought doesn’t make me feel better.
CHAPTER41
MEG
The last three weeks have been miserable. Like combine all the worst things and feelings and mash them together, and you get me.
I miss Tyler.
I haven’t seen him since the night he told me he loved me, and sometimes I question if that really happened or if I’m making it up in my head.
He said he loved me, right?
I think he did.
Then I broke up with him.
Who the heck am I?
And although I haven’t seen him, I can’t get Tyler out of my head. I avoid recess duty so that I don’t accidentally bump into him. Krew walks into my classroom, and I want to hug him, but I can’t. He wears his jersey to class, and I want to ask how the Stealers are doing or if I can come to one of their games.
This is a new level of misery that I never reached when Zak and I broke up.
I’m in the kitchen pulling out a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving dessert when Anna Mae walks in.
“Meg, thank you for all of your help with dinner,” she says as she fills up a pitcher of water.
“I should be thanking you,” I say.
“Me?”
I keep my eyes focused on the pie in front of me, because what I’m about to say is going to be difficult to get out.
“Thank you for making my dad so happy.” I finally glance up. “And I’m sorry that I haven’t been very kind to you. It’s notyou, I just miss my mom, and I don’t want her memory or influence over our family to die.”
Anna Mae reaches out, placing her hand on top of mine. It’s such a simple touch, but I can’t deny how good and comforting it feels. It’s something my mom would have done.
“I don’t fault you. Youshouldmiss your mom. She sounds like an amazing woman who deserves to be missed.”
“She was.” My heart pounds with a question I’m dying to ask. “Does it ever scare you when we talk about how great she was? Like you won’t live up to her?”
Her expression softens. “I don’t look at your mother like she’s my competition. I look at her like she’s my friend. She loves the same people I love, and therefore, I love her.”
Moisture fills my eyes. “Thank you for saying that. You’re a good person, and I’m going to try harder to get to know you.”
This is a necessary step. If I want to fix things with me and Tyler I need to fix things with Anna Mae. And I’m starting to think that Iwantto fix things with Tyler.
“I’d like that.” She gives my hand one last squeeze. “Now, we better get back outside, or everyone will wonder what happened to us.”
For the first time since I met Anna Mae, I’m actually glad to have her here. She won’t replace my own mom, but maybe now and again, she can fill in for her.
* * *
