Page 38 of Ashes of Gold
“No,” I repeat. “I do not accept.”
Shaun spits. “To be nominated is a great honor and high duty. You think this is a game?”
“N-no. I— You saw what happened out there. I’m not cut out for…” I hug the book I’m holding.
Bati’s eyes flick between Jhamal and me. They planned this. The two of them. And Jhamal didn’t tell me a word about it. Is that what he was busy orchestrating while Shaun and Kai were at each other’s throats? He said he’d always support me. This isn’t what I thought he meant.
“She does not take the Ancestors’ tradition seriously,” Shaun growls. “She does not even know the way. Look at the Gray she had us bury. Look at the way she makes a mockery of things.”
I blow out a quick breath. “No, Shaun, listen. I…”
“She is not fit to lead. Magic or not. Her name should be struck from the record. The last time she fought the Chancellor for us, it amounted to more dead.”
His words echo in my head, stoking my insecurity.
“She is a liability.” He slides his thumb under his throat. “Pw’nijkizka. Na! Kizka, na!”
A liability? Really? I’m trying, doing my best. Ibelonghere. Flames erupt from my fingers, but I snuff them out, but not before catching Shaun flinch.
“I’m not here trying to tell y’all what to do. I knew nothing of this.”
“Lies,” one of the Yakanna hisses.
“I swear.”
Jhamal sits and says nothing, and I could scream.
“I’m not interested in being anybody’s Queen.” I move to the center of the room and every eye sticks to me. “All I wanted was to get y’all to see that we can’t destroy ourselves from the inside out. I get being proud of where we from. I feel that hard. But they trying to kill us out there, because our entire existence is a threat to this backward-ass world they’ve built. They stole our magic, they’ve cut our numbers down. Right now, instead of taking each other’s heads off, having a pissing contest, we should be reaching the Ancestors.”
All chatter ceases. The silence stills me.
“Rue, do you mean…” Bati pulls his hood off.” Magic beyond the grave? Reaching out to the dead?”
“I’ve felt the Ancestors before. They can feel me. I’m sure of it. Theygaveus magic, so it only makes sense that they can fix this. They can restore it.”
Bati fidgets, his eyes bugging out of his head. “That sort of magic has never been done. It’s quite dangerous from what I understand and only used in the direst circumstances.”
“No disrespect, Bati. Nothing but love for you, but this situation is pretty fucking dire.”
“This is improper.” Shaun bangs the ground with his staff. “Bati, if your brothers’ nominee doesn’t accept, choose another or voting begins between Kainese and me. She shouldn’t even be speaking at this length during the ceremony. She knows nothing.”
Bati holds up a hand. “I’m the arbiter of this ceremony. I’ll allow it.” He turns to me. “Jelani, this is very rare, dangerous magic you seek to do. What is it exactly that you propose?”
I set down the book, which I’ve realized is useless. “We can’t win without all of us wielding magic again. I can’t save us by myself.”
Shaun scoffs. “She admits it herself; she cannot save us. I am so sick at how we dance around the Ancestors’ Chosen One. It’s pathetic. What has she done but kill more of us?”
“Coquella, enough,” Jhamal says from the shadows, gaze fixed on Shaun. “Your point has been made. Jelani has the floor right now.”
“You stand with this girl because—”
“Watch it.” Jhamal stands, adoration for me etched into his set jaw. Warmth flickers inside me and I move closer to him, letting my arm brush his. But I’ma chew his ass out for this, though. Just wait.
Kai folds her arms, pursing her lips. “She is right. The infighting has to stop.”
I am? I mean, I think I am. But she thinks I am?I blink. The Yakannas’ gaze follow her like a magnet. Only Zora’s gaze flutters between us. Maybe there’s hope for Kai and me. She’s full of pride. Strong. A lot like me.
“I don’t wanna disrespect anyone,” I say. “I’m sorry for everything. Trust me, you couldn’t possibly think less of me than I do of myself right now. I feel terrible.”
