Page 39 of Ashes of Gold
Jhamal reaches for me, but I have to do this on my own feet. I turn to Bati.
“I’m honored that you’d think me worthy, but, Bati, that ain’t me.” I move toward the door. “Y’all figure out what you need to. I’m going back out there to find a way to reach the Ancestors andget everyone’s magic restored.” That’s what we need right now. “The Ancestors will fix this.”Not me.
I don’t look back as I leave, but stares burn my skin.
Bri’s back in the room when I get there, swimming in a bed of metal and wires.
“How’d it go?”
“We’re leaving. Pack your bag.”
“Huh?”
“Bri, we gotta get to Totsi’s. We’ve found nothing here. A spell to reach the Ancestors is what we need.”
“Central District is a war zone. That boy we found killed wasn’t the only one, I’m sure.”
“I know that, Bri. But what do we do when shit seems impossible?”
She stuffs her gadgets in her bag reluctantly. “We make a way.”
“Exactly. And besides, maybe you’ll get to put some of your contraptions to work.”
“I feel like you’re mocking me, but I’m going to go with it.”
I wink at her and she shoulders her bag. “I appreciate all this,” I say. “You’re in deep now.”
“I’d have it no other way.”
I reach for the door to open it, but it swings open before I can touch it. Jhamal stands with Kai and Zora at his back. A tuft of white hair in the backdrop says Bati is back there somewhere too. I step back, letting them all inside.
“I’m going. You can’t stop me,” I start.
“Oh, I know,” Jhamal says with more exasperation than I like.
“Jelani,” Bati says. “I did not mean for you to feel like we were doing anything to deceive you. I would never—”
“I get it. I have all this power from the Ancestors so it makes you think y’all should follow me. But that’s not my lane. I’m not cut out for all that. I don’t even make the right decisions half the time. All I can do is improve from where I failed before. Fighting solo won’t work. We need the Ancestors’ help. That’s what it is. So, I’m going.”
“I am thankful you are not upset with me, dear one. I promised your father…” He exhales and it’s heavy. “I promised him I would look after you like my own daughter. You understand?”
“I do.” I squeeze his hand, and Jhamal steps next to me.
“Reconsider, please. Let me go with you.” Heaviness weighs down his expression. I get he’s worried. Shit, I’m worried too. But we gotta do what we gotta do.
“Kowana Yechi is halted until you return,” he says. “I worked out with Kai and Shaun that one from each of their clans would go with you. That way we are unified, like we talked about.” He gestures. “Zora, if you would have her.”
She dips her chin when I meet her eyes.
“And me,” Jhamal says.
I sigh and find myself searching his eyes. Eyes that watched and cared for me. Made sure I ate. They swim with adoration. Respect. He sees in me what I still can’t find in myself.
“Is that a yes?” he asks.
His care is why I’m standing here in one piece. I can’t pretend that doesn’t matter. I can’t pretend that when panic claws me, my eyes don’t instinctively look for him. That his warmth, though Ipush it away, is as much a part of me as my own shadow. If Kai and Shaun have forged temporary peace, could it hurt to have Jhamal and Zora out there with me? Better chance we’ll come out of this shit alive.
“Okay,” I say, and he tries to hide his smirk, but I don’t miss his beautiful cheeks pushing up under those onyx eyes. Zora moves to my side. Silence hangs there a moment, all eyes on Kai, as she’s the only one who hasn’t spoken.
