Page 84 of The Affair
“Dammit.”
Our entrees arrived shortly after that, and we enjoyed a heavenly meal, courtesy of one of Pine Hurst’s best chefs. As we sat there, I couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if Sawyer hadn’t given up on me all those years ago.
What if it had been him and me all those years together?
Would life had ended up differently?
Would we have been this happy?
“Do you want dessert?” Sawyer asked as our plates were picked up.
“No,” I answered firmly. “I’m ready to head home.”
His green eyes met mine, and I knew he understood.
I was done waiting.
I was done wondering about the what-ifs.
I just wanted him.
Here, now, and maybe even forever.
* * *
That crazy,anxious feeling I’d had while getting ready for our date began to return as we drove home.
How long had it been since I was with a man?
When you had to ask yourself, you knew it was too long.
To add to the stress of the situation, I had quantity to deal with. Specifically, the fact that I’d been with only one other person—Sawyer’s brother.
If that wasn’t awkward, I didn’t know what was.
Time for some nervous sweating to begin again.
During our meal, when the aroma of well-cooked food and the glow of candlelight had been fueling my confidence, I’d thought I had nothing to lose. In fact, I’d been so focused on everything I had to gain that I hadn’t had time to think about anything else but the feeling of it all.
Now that the romantic setting was gone and I was sitting in Sawyer’s cold car, the smell of his pine air freshener quickly bringing me back to reality, I couldn’t think of anything else but the negative.
This would change everything.
Were we ready for that?
Was I ready… at all?
As we pulled into my driveway and he shut off the engine, I let out a staggering breath as he turned toward me.
“I can almost hear your heart beating from here.”
Trying to play it off, I smiled. “Just cold.”
“Elle.”
“Fine,” I relented. “I’m nervous.”
“That’s better.”
