Page 18 of Sweet Punk
Raven stands up, then stoops over, collecting the products she’s unpacked and walks them into the bathroom. As she opens drawers and tucks things away for me, she raises her voice so we can still hear her. “What happened in his bedroom? You had literally just told us that you were upset the guy you were dancing with wasn’t Kellan. And the next thing I know, Maddox mentions that Kellan slept in there with you.” She comes back out to join us, lifting her hands like she’s cheering. “So, I was like, ‘Yay!’” She frowns, digging into another package. “But then, it was more like—” She wrinkles her nose, sticks her tongue out, and gives me a thumbs-down.
I nod, mildly amused by her retelling, and set aside a box of office supplies on my desk chair. “I asked him to come in there with me. I couldn’t sleep. Truly. And I dunno. We were both a little…” I clench my teeth.
The pause in my explanation is enough to make both Lux and Raven glance up from the packages they’re sorting through. “A little what?” asks Lux.
“Um.”Just say it. It’s the appropriate word.“Horny. We were horny.”
Raven tries to suppress a smile and fails. Instead, she winds up grinning at me and blushing. “We kinda heard you shouting about getting each other off.”
“Yeah.” I let the word drop like a brick as my shoulders sag.
“So. If you both got off, what was the problem?” Raven shrugs innocently, but the way she’s eyeing me, I know she gets it. Even when she follows up with, “I’m trying to understand.” What she means is, she’s trying to help me understand what’s in my head.
“I was still…” I look at them, my eyes getting big, willing them to understand me without having to explain. But they shake their heads, waiting, so I heave out an exaggerated breath. “I was still kinda having aftershocks, if you know what I mean. And I’m pretty sure his hand was still between my legs.” More quietly, I finish, “He was already acting like we were two buddies helping each other out. A couple of bros who would smack each other’s asses in the locker room after a good game. I dunno. I couldn’t sleep after that.”
“Weren’t you sort of helping each other out, though?” Lux grits her teeth and ducks her head. “Sorry.”
I swallow. This is what’s been bothering me. “Technically.” I cringe. “But I felt… dismissed, almost? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not explaining myself well enough. I didn’t think that what we did together meant we were seeing each other or anything like that. I—” I shake my hands in front of me, as the truth stares me in the face. “I wanted him to like me, and I think maybe he just doesn’t. Not like that.”
“Like you were good enough for meaningless sexy times, but you’re upset that he didn’t want more. Or—” Raven holds up a finger. “Or he was unable to tell you that yet. That could be it, too.”
ELEVEN
KELLAN
I sit down at the dining room table and rest my head in my hands. I’d known Star was upset with me and had been hiding away in her room, but I’d underestimated how badly she’d taken everything. I should have fucking known better. Bottom line. I had a good idea she liked me, and I let it go too fucking far.
The fucked-up part is that I do like her. I’m simply not ready to articulate it because it would mean sharing things with her that I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to explain. I’m fuckin’ stuck.
“You all right, man?” Hawk sits down across from me, rubbing his hands over his face.
In answer I jerk my head a bit, then get up and go into my room, closing the door behind me. Hawk won’t be offended by my silent exit. He gets me. Pulling out one of my many sketch pads, I climb onto my bed, propping my back against some pillows, and begin to draw.
Thirty minutes later, I have a rough sketch of the concept for the second painting in my series ready.Shame.This time it’s not Star’s emotion, this one is about me and the way I felt after I treated her like I did.
* * *
Friday,the guys poke their heads into my room before they head out for the night. It’s been a couple days since Star laid into me, and we haven’t spoken since. She’s there, right across the hall, and I know it’s not the worst torture imaginable because I’m well-versed in that, but it’s still pretty bad and makes me anxious as hell. I’m constantly straining to hear her voice and wonder if I’ve simply done too much damage to the relationship we were forming. I’m unsure if we’ll ever be on friendly terms with each other again.
I’m miserable. I want more. And I can’t have it.
“You sure you don’t want to come with us? We’re just getting dinner. Maybe grabbing coffee somewhere after.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not putting myself through a Dr. Seuss date night with Couple 1 and Couple 2.” Shrugging, I say, “It’s cool. We can do something tomorrow. Hit the gym or watch a movie or something.”
Maddox frowns. “Okay, man. Suit yourself. You gonna hang here?”
“Yeah, probably. I might head to the art cave for a bit. Maybe not. I’ve got plenty to do right here.” I know they feel bad leaving me behind. But the thing is, we’ve never been the three musketeers. We’ve always had our own stuff going on and come together when we need each other. It’s never been a big deal. But now that they both have girlfriends, things are a little different. Especially since it leaves Star and me as the awkward fifth and sixth wheels of our group.
An hour later, I’m in the middle of sketching at my easel, but not making a whole lot of headway. I don’t know what’s wrong with me other than my inspiration has kinda dried up, and my head is all kinds of clouded. And it certainly doesn’t help that I got my grade back for my practice speech back yesterday—who the fuck grades a practice speech, anyway?—and I’m frustrated. I knew I hadn’t done well, but fuck. I let out an annoyed sigh. Nothing is going right lately.
“Oh.”
That startled, gasped syllable catches my attention, and I glance up. Star stands in my doorway, looking at me with curious green eyes. I thought maybe she’d gone out with our suitemates earlier since it’s been quiet. Then again, Star’s a quiet person. Except when she’s yelling at me, anyway. A vision of her angry and shouting hits me right between the eyes. Before it’s too obvious that I’m off in my head, I clear my throat and set my sketch pencil down. “What’s up?”
“Sorry, I thought you went out with the others.” She points over her shoulder. “I’m missing a chunky silver ring that I wear a lot, and I thought maybe I took it off here… like maybe, um—”
“When you stayed here. Yeah. Understood.” I drag in a deep breath as our gazes connect. “I haven’t seen it, but I haven’t been on the lookout for it, either. You’re welcome to poke around wherever. I can, uh, help… if you want.”
