Page 24 of Beautiful Nightmare
I don’t honestly know how long I stay in her room while she sleeps. She’s curled up on her side with her hands tucked near her face. She looks like a fucking angel—from the sleeping position to the blonde hair to the serene look on her face, so calm when she’s not angry with me or freaked out by my presence.
Honestly, I prefer the way her eyes get when there’s a little fire in them, kinda like they were earlier when she’d told me off. And I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right. I’ll think about her for days every time I feel the spot on my lip where she’d broken the skin. But the truth is I’d have been thinking about her anyway.
My head’s a little hazy. I’m not drunk enough that I don’t know what I’m doing, but just enough to make me bold. She has no idea I’m right here. I could watch her all damn night. Her breath feathers lightly from her mouth with each exhale. I bend down, my nose an inch from hers. I inhale her air. Breathe her in. My fingers itch to touch her, but I hesitate. Finally, I settle on dragging the back of my knuckles across her cheek. Her skin is soft. So soft.
Fuck, I need to get out of here. I feel like I’m ten kinds of crazy when I’m near her. I shouldn’t be touching her. But I’m well aware of why I am. In the morning, she’ll know I was here. She’ll sense it. Maybe because I’ve moved her things around. Maybe a hint of my cologne will linger in the air. And I know it’ll fuck with her head.
The problem is I’m enjoying all of this too much. It’s supposed to be revenge. Payback for how she stole my life from me. I shouldn’t want to be anywhere near her. She single-handedly fucked up everything. And yet I could easily stay here all night, observing her in sleep while she’s none the wiser that I’m here.
FOURTEEN
LUX
It’s been nearly a week now where I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking someone has been in my room. It’s Hawk, of course. I believe it with every fiber of my being. Especially since his scent—I now recognize it because we’ve been up close and personal—lingers in the air. Sometimes there’s an email, sometimes not. It’s always more of the same when I find one in my inbox from myself. He blames me. It’s all my fault. He’s going to make me pay.Blah, blah, blah.Maybe I should be more afraid of him.
What I am is on edge. I haven’t been taking my meds when I need them because I’m nervous about being out of it. Which is dumb. Completely counterintuitive.
Fortunately, in the class we have together—since that first day, anyway—he’s been decent. Not even talking to me unless he has to. And because of that, I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to do something to make me look stupid in front of Professor Swift—like when we were accused of flirting—or worse. Hell if I know whatworsewould even be, but I have no doubt Hawk would be capable of whatever it is. He’s been doing just enough to keep me in a constant state of worry and anxiousness, which is why I should be taking my meds.Dammit.He’s fucking ruining my first week of college for me.
“Are you sure we can’t stay in tonight?” I glance at Star, who is standing at my bathroom counter while I put makeup on her. We’ve paused so she can take a look at what I’m doing. I motion with my finger that she should turn back toward me. “I’ll finish your face, and we can make cookies and watch movies. Doesn’t that sound like more fun than some frat party where there will be too many horny guys, too many desperate girls, and a whole lot of bad-tasting beer?”
“Oh, no. Raven said that a guy she knows invited her. And if I have to go, you definitely have to go.” She shakes her head. “So, don’t think for a second I’m going without you, because while looks may be deceiving, and Raven appears to be sweet,thatgirl is definitely on a mission to meet someone. Whether it’s whoever this guy is that invited her or someone else entirely, I have no fucking clue. But I’m not going and risking being the loser who is holding up a wall on her own.”
I twist my lips at her outburst and uncap the mascara, swirling it around a bit before I pull it all the way out. “Okay, okay. I’ll go. But you owe me one.” I sigh. “Okay, do that weird face everyone makes when they put on mascara.”
Star snorts. “Okay.” She makes the appropriate face, while I brush the product in light strokes over her lashes.
By the time I’m done with Star’s makeup, a very excited Raven walks in to join us. She’s wearing slinky black leggings and a cute crop top. “Ready, girls?”
“Yeah, I am.” I look down at my favorite jean mini skirt with a hole down near the hem and the comfy purple tank I’ve been wearing all day. And my flip-flops. Always my flip-flops. I shrug. “Maybe I could use a little lip gloss.” I reach for a tube from my drawer of makeup.
While I’m slicking it over my lips, Star holds up a finger. “Hey. Can I ask you something?”
Raven and I exchange a glance, and I answer, “Yeah, sure. What’s up? I already said I’d go tonight.”
She shakes her head, fidgeting a bit. Finally, she shoves her hands into the pockets of her skinny jeans to stop their motion. “Okay, don’t think I’m weird. But are you both locking the door to the suite every time you’re the last one out?”
My eyes shift back and forth. “Have you not seen my obsession with locking doors?”
Raven shrugs. “I’m usually the last one out, but yeah… I’ve been pretty careful about it.” She glances in my direction. “Sorry, Lux. I don’t know what’s up with you and Hawk. But it doesn’t really seem to me like he has trouble getting in, lock or not.”
I bite my lip, squirming in place before I look Star in the eye. “Maybe you’d better tell us why you’re asking.”
“I dunno. I just— Never mind.”
My back stiffens. She looks a little off. Then again, I never really know what to make of Star. She doesn’t go for meals with me or hang out and watch TV or do homework at the table like Raven and I do. True to the girl we first encountered, Star keeps to herself a lot.
She lets out a sigh. “Seriously. I’m good. Forget I said anything.” Readjusting her glasses, she jerks her thumb over her shoulder. “Let’s go.” I can tell girlfriend is totally trying to distract us with a good time. I press my lips together. Maybe I’ll ask her about it later.
We have a good half-mile walk to the frat house where the party is being held. I let Star and Raven lead the conversation while my mind is otherwise occupied. I’m reminded of the night when I walked all the way down here to sit by the river. That’d been a shit show. The first night Hawk had really gotten in my face. Of course, all of our history haunts me, but there’s something about this Hawk. He’s risen from the ashes. Reborn. Is that why he seems different? Yet the same? It’s so fucking perplexing, it sends my mind into a tailspin every time I allow myself to ponder how we ended up at the same university, living in the same dorm, right across the hall from each other. Even after a week, I hope that this is someone’s idea of a sick joke, and he’ll eventually disappear, so I won’t have to be consumed by him.
It’s so completely annoying that he’s at the forefront of my thoughts 24-7. The guy I believed I’d never see again. And I’ve been so busy acclimating to life here that I haven’t had a chance to even think about calling my parents and asking them what the hell is going on. Why’d they keep this from me? Jesus, at least if you’re going to lie to your daughter, make sure she’s truly never going to see the guy again. I can’t decide whether my parents believed that I didn’t remember what happened before the crash or not. I definitely remember. Everything from the attempted rape to the moments before the car hit the tree. I give myself a shake. I am so not in the right headspace to walk into a party, but I can’t back out now. I bite my lip. Besides, maybe it’ll be good for me.
When we get to the frat—Zeta Sigma Epsilon—the place is a madhouse. The main room is wall-to-wall people, the music loud and pounding. I can already tell this party is only going to get crazier as the night goes on.
Star tugs on my hand. “Come on. We need drinks if we’re going to survive this.”
I let out a low whistle. “You aren’t kidding.” Lots and lots of drinks. Pretty funny that I’d immediately agree, considering the last time I had a drink it played a big part in how things went down with Hawk. But… it’ll be okay. This time I have not one, but two buddies with me.
