Page 71 of The Wishing Tree Beside the Shor
The tree rustles above us again, making us both turn back to look at it as the noise cuts through the silence of the darkness.
Another moment for telling him is lost. Ryan goes to run a hand through his hair and accidentally clonks himself on the forehead with the torch he’s forgotten he’s holding.
It makes me laugh, and even in the night, I can see how red his cheeks go.
‘Sorry, I must sound like such a backwoods, small-town country bumpkin to you now. I bet you can’t wait to get back to your glamorous London life.’
I snort so hard that even Baaabra Streisand looks round at me. ‘Believe me, there isnothingglamorous about it. And no. I wish I could stay.’ It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud and he stops walking immediately.
‘Aren’t you happy there?’
It’s such a simple question, and I don’t realise I’m going to cry until I go to answer him with a flippant “of course” and a sob comes out instead.
His arms are around me in an instant, pulling me tight against his chest and squeezing hard. Knowing exactly what I need without a word being said, like he always did, and just the act of someone caring makes me cry harder. It’s been a long time since I felt like I mattered to someone.
‘It’s complicated, Ry,’ I stammer out eventually. It’s the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth, to tell him about Harrison and Landoperty Developments and trust that he’d understand it was only a job until I got here and remembered how much I loved this place, but at the same time, why would anyone believe that? I’ve outright lied to his face hundreds of times since I came back.Thatis something he won’t forgive me for, and I can’t bring myself to take that risk while his arms are around me and the crescent moon winks from behind a cloud.
‘If you’re not happy there, know that there isalwaysa place for you here.’ His hand strokes through my hair, his fingers twirling in the strands, a gesture of comfort that makes me feel more loved than I have any right to feel.
‘Oh God, will you stop it? I’ve done nothing but cry since I got here and you’re making it worse.’ I push myself out of his arms and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, annoyed at myself for not just coming out with it.
I’ve ruined things with Ryan once, and the fear of losing him again is overpowering. Kissing him was the biggest risk I’ve ever taken, and from that, I realised that taking risks doesn’t pay off. It changed me. It changed how I approached things. It knocked my confidence and made me doubt everything I thought I knew, and this brings it all back in spades. Ithinkhe’ll understand why I told the lie I did, but the idea that he might not is too much of a risk to face.
I force myself to turn away and carry on walking. Baaabra Streisand is a silhouette in the distance now, clearly not hanging about to wait for us two slowcoaches.
‘How about you?’ I say when he catches up with my increased pace. ‘Are you happy?’
‘I thought I was. But seeing you again has made me realise that I’ve never been happy without you in my life.’
‘Oh my God, Ry.’ Why does he keep coming out with these things that make me trip over my own feet?
He grabs my hand and pulls me to him, sliding his arm around my waist, his other hand coming up to stroke through my hair, and I close my eyes and let out a breath.
‘You coming back here has been the best thing that’s happened to me. I should never have let you go. I should have kept in touch. I didn’t think you’d want me to …’
‘I didn’t thinkyou’dwant to. I thought you’d forget about me. I wasn’t that impor—’
‘My world stopped turning without you. That first Christmas after you left, I kept driving past your house because I thought you’d be home and I might get to “accidentally” run into you and be all casual and nonchalant, but it never happened. I couldn’t even bring myself to look you up online because I didn’t want to find out you were married. I’ve spent fifteen years convincing myself that we’d have another chance someday, and I didn’t know what I’d do if I found out you were happily married with a brood of children and a gorgeous husband, off somewhere living your dream life. It was better if you existed only in my memory.’
‘Why are you saying this now?’
‘Because the tree has given me a second chance. That tree has brought you back into my life. I don’t know how much time you get off in a restaurant, but it can’t be that much so I know you’re going to leave again soon, and I don’t want it to end the same way, because this time, I don’t think you want to go.’
‘Ryan, there’s something I need to tell—’
We’re suddenly headbutted apart by a sheep crashing straight through the middle of us.
‘Argh! That sheep!’ I’m struggling to stay upright from the momentum as Baaabra Streisand stands there staring at us. I meet Ryan’s eyes and we both burst into hysterics.
By the time I stop giggling, Ryan’s sobered up and his eyes are on me. ‘The universe’s way of trying to tell us something?’
‘Clearly,’ I agree. Maybe I’m not meant to tell him. Maybe this is all a mistake and I shouldn’t even be contemplating staying here and his sheep really does have perfect timing after all.
When I look at him again, he’s got a mischievous glint in his eyes. ‘Is it warm in here or is it me?’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘We’re outside.’
Even so, he starts flapping his T-shirt from the bottom like he’s overheated. ‘Wanna go for a swim?’
