Page 24 of Promises & Pumpkins
“Of course. I will.” I nodded, putting my hand on top of Maddie’s head while she grinned. She beamed with her victory. “Why don’t you go join the others,” I said to her when Kelly started lining the girls up in their places.
“Thank you. I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Miles watched Maddie walk away, and the leftover concern that didn’t hang on his voice was evident on his features. When he turned away, my stomach lurched.
“Miles, wait,” I said, reaching out and gently grabbing his arm. When he looked back, staring at my grasp, I let go. “Wait,” I repeated. He stopped, turning back toward me. It was the first victory. “I was wrong.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What?”
“I was wrong. I think I like you more than I thought I did, and I really like Maddie. I was so wrong to let me hold us back.” I squeezed his hand but when he didn’t squeeze back, the small bit of hope I clung to slipped through my fingers. “Maybe we can see what happens.”
When he shook his head, my chest felt heavy, and butterflies started dropping one by one. “I don’t think so.” He brushed his hand over the side of my face before tucking a loose hair behind my ear. “I have to protect Maddie. No matter how much I might like you, I can’t be with someone that isn’t completely sure they want to commit to both of us. It would devastate her.”
Miles took my hand and kissed the back of it while I blinked back the tears. “I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you either. This is just best.” He let go of my hand, and I let it hover in the air between us. “I’ll be back in a bit to pick her up. Bye, Harper.”
“Okay, we are going to do it one more time from the top to make sure everyone is ready to go for tonight.” Kelly clapped her hands to draw the attention back from the little side conversations that were happening more easily the later we got into class. “Does anyone have questions?”
The girls all shook their heads, so Kelly nodded hers, letting me know I could start the music again. I hit play, watching little faces twist in concentration before breaking into big grins when they reminded themselves they were supposed to smile. Girls bounced around to the choreography we had spent the last few weeks learning.
When I saw Maddie fall down, I jumped to my feet. When she looked around like she was searching for me, I rushed to her side. As soon as I got there, she relaxed, grabbing her arm. “Are you okay?” I asked her, taking her left arm in my hand and watching her face for the reaction. She winced harder than I had expected her to.
Maddie shook her head. “My arm hurts.” She pointed to her left arm again, scrunching her face as tightly as she could. I hadn’t seen her fall, but it didn’t look like she had landed on her arm.
“Let’s stand up here so I can get a better look at it.” I stood up, helping her to her feet and leading her away from the group. As soon as we were off to the side, she cradled her right arm with the left. I reached out, and she offered me her right arm. I tilted my head. “Does this hurt?” I asked, giving her right elbow a small squeeze.
Maddie’s face twisted in a delayed wince, and she nodded. “Yeah. Really badly. Should we call Daddy?”
“And you’re sure this hurts?” I squeezed again in a different spot, getting another delayed look of forced pain.
“Yeah. I’m sure.” She nodded again to emphasize the point.
I took her left hand and straightened her arm, and she didn’t cringe at all. “Well earlier, it was your left arm that hurt,” I said, and her eyes widened in horror.
“Oh yeah,” she said, bringing her left arm to her body and cradling it again. I swallowed a dry laugh at her dedication to the performance. Then I took both of her hands.
“I don’t think that your arms are hurt. I think you fell down on purpose. Is that right?” I assumed by the guilty look on her face that it was. “Why would you do that?”I have a pretty good idea.
Maddie sighed, and her shoulders dropped. “Okay, I didn’t really fall. I just wanted you to see Daddy.” She looked away guiltily.
I followed her gaze. “Why is that?”
“So you can make him happy again. I think he likes you.” She nodded like that justified hurling herself onto the ground when she was already injured. What if she had actually hurt her arm?
“He does?” The dress rehearsal went on in the background like we weren’t even in the same room. When Maddie went to talk again, she lifted her chin higher like it made her voice louder. She nodded.
“Yeah,” Maddie said. “He’s been really sad all morning too. Are you guys not friends anymore?”
My throat ached around the lump that formed in it, and I blinked away the stinging in my eyes. “Oh we’re still friends,” I said, patting her back. “We’re just… a different kind of friends.”
She groaned like she wasn’t getting her way, and she threw her head back so her curls bounced in front of her face when she looked at me again. “Can you go back to being the kind of friends that kiss again?” I felt my cheeks warming, and I was glad she wouldn’t understand why I was blushing. I thought about Miles’lips on mine and how they felt softer against my neck than they did when he bit my shoulder. I sighed.
“I don’t think so. I hurt your Daddy’s feelings,” I explained, unsure how to tell her that the reason Miles and I weren’t friends that kiss anymore is because I didn’t want to commit to the idea of being her mom and also knowing that it wasn’t my place to try to explain it to her.
“That’s okay!” Maddie shrugged, looking less stressed when she learned that his feelings were hurt. “I hurt his feelings sometimes too, but he always forgives me. He’ll forgive you too and then you guys can kiss again.”
I laughed when she nodded, proud of herself for resolving the issue in her own mind. “I don’t think he will forgive me as easily as he forgives you,” I said, brushing her hair back.
“Maybe he will!” As far as Maddie was clearly concerned, it was already a done deal. By the now-satisfied look on her face, she was already plotting her celebration for getting us together. She was proud of it too. I laughed.
