Page 23 of Promises & Pumpkins
“I know.” Her voice cracked, and, with it, the lump in my throat became harder to swallow. She stepped back, handing me the mug and plate of cookies from the entry table. For a moment, both of our hands lingered on either side of the ceramic. Then she let go, and her words felt so final. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too.” Stepping back onto the porch, I remembered the first time I was there—the way I’d helped her get back into her kitchen. There had been a mischievous playfulness to her expression and a light bounce in her step that now felt like it was gone.
When the door closed behind me, I paused. I needed to get the disappointment off my face before I got next door. As expected, Maddie was be waiting at the door dying to know what her favorite neighbor-and-dance-coach-turned-friend thought of the cookies she had supervised me while making. But as soon as she saw the plate still in my hand and wrapped the same way it was a few minutes earlier when I left, her smile dropped.
“She hated them.” Her little voice was even smaller when she made the assumption. I shook my head, setting the plate and mug down before squatting to her level.
“No, sweetheart. She didn’t hate them.” I didn’t know what to tell her. I knew she had been watching, and she was smarter than she would let on.
Maddie looked up at me. “It’s my fault, huh?” She sighed, and little tears filled her eyes, threatening to make their way down her face.
“What is?” I shook my head, torn between not wanting to involve her and not wanting to keep her in the dark.
“I made Harper mad. I said the wrong thing to the doctor lady yesterday. That’s why she left.” A quiet sob shook her body. “Is that why she doesn’t want th-th-the co-co-cookies?” Every word broke around another cry.
I grabbed Maddie and pulled her into my arms, wrapping them around her body until she stopped shaking. “You didn’t say anything wrong. Harper loves you,” I said. I didn’t think I was wrong. I’d seen how Harper acted toward Maddie. It made my chest tighten again. “She and Daddy are friends, and you’ll still see her all the time at dance.”
She sniffled and looked up at me like she was trying to believe me. “Do you promise?”
I hated making promises I couldn’t keep for her. Were we friends? I didn’t know that she would get to see her all the time at dance once the recital was over. But when Maddie sniffled again, I hugged her tighter. “Yeah, sweetheart. I promise.”
Chapter 20
Harper
“So let me get this straight,” Kelly said, bending down to fix the leg warmer that had bunched around her ankle. She looked up at me from the squatted position. “You had a man who was handsome, treated you like a queen,andfucked you well, and you left him because you didn’t want to be a mom… to his little girl… that you’re obviously completelyenamored with?” She stood up straight and rolled her eyes. “You’re stupider than I thought you were.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms. “Okay, rude!”
“But not wrong.” Kelly shrugged. “Give me one good reason you don’t want to give it a shot.”
I scrunched my nose, trying to remember every reason that had ever convinced me I didn’t want kids. But each reason was mixed with an image of Maddie laughing with a mouth full of cereal or trying to pick up a pumpkin that was twice the size as her. I blinked away the image. “Because I like sleeping in on the weekends.”
“Yeah, right.” She rolled her eyes. “Try again.”
“I like doing whatever I want.” At this point, I was determined to come up with any reason. “What if I want to go out on a weeknight? I can’t do that with a kid.”
Kelly pursed her lips like she was holding back a laugh. “I try to get you to go out all the time, and you won’t! Do you have any real reason?” She waited while I hesitated and then scoffed when she decided I was taking too long. “You can’t, can you? You can’t give me one reason it would be so terrible because maybe you realize being a bonus mom wouldn’t be completely terrible if you were doing it with someone like them.”
“Okay fine! Are you happy? You’re right. But she deserves to have someone there.” My mouth was too dry to swallow. “And what happens if it doesn’t work out? When he realizes I really am just the clumsy-ish girl next door and then everyone’s heart is broken?” Is that all I was? The girl next door?
“That’s not a reason to hold yourself back. That’s a risk in every relationship.” She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side. “I think you’re making a stupid mistake, Harper. I think you like this guy, and you’re going to do anything you can to sabotage it before you realize just how much you do.”
I glared at her. “What if you’re wrong?”
“Then I guess I would be wrong. There they are now.” She nodded at the door when it opened. My stomach flipped, and the butterflies that were resting rushed to my throat. “But judging by the way your entire body just started blushing when I told you he was here, I’m not. You like him. Don’t do something stupid to ruin it.”
Kelly waved at what I could only assume was a group of young dancers in their costumes and parents that included Maddie and Miles. I didn’t turn around. “You better talk to him,” Kelly said before she skipped off. “Are we ready for our final dress rehearsal? You all look great! Come on over this way and start with your warm-ups.”
She started to lead a group of pumpkins and bats in basic stretches, and I watched until I felt Miles’ eyes on me. I finally turned around, finding him staring at me as expected. He looked hurt—like he felt as disappointed as I felt guilty. Next to him, Maddie was dressed as a pumpkin with a bright pink bandage wrapped around her ankle. She kept looking down at it, at the rest of the dancers, and back to her leg before scrunching her nose and pouting.
I took a deep breath, walking over to them. I was still her coach, no matter how confident I was that I was the reason for Miles’ frown. “Hey, Maddie! How’s your ankle?” I asked, kneeling down next to her. The lower I got, the heavier his stare felt.
“It hurts.” She shrugged. “But it’s okay. Can I still be a pumpkin?”
“Well, I don’t know,” I said, standing back up to face Miles. “Can she? What did the doctor say?” I gave him a look that I hoped apologized for not having heard what the doctor said because I snuck out before he had a chance to realize I was leaving.
He nodded softly. “She can dance,” he said. Then he lowered his voice. “Mostly only because a certain ballerina was going to throw a fit. The doctor said she’ll be okay if she takes it easy, so just do me a favor and keep an eye on her.”
