Page 1 of To Go Against Her Heart
Chapter 1
Hertfordshire, January 1811
It was a cold January morning in Longbourn, and somehow the weather added to the melancholy of the woman who stared outside the window. While her family broke their fast downstairs, she did not have the disposition to eat, nor was she hungry despite having starved herself for several days.
At times, she wondered whether she was trapped in a dreadful nightmare from which she would soon awaken, or if she truly lived in the horrid reality of the world, subjecting her to misery and deceit.
Elizabeth felt lost, as her heart had been broken into a million pieces by the man she loved.
Her entire existence became painful because of him. Much as she resented him, she was furious with herself for foolishly bestowing her love upon him. All her life, she had believed in true love, and a few months ago, she found it while staying with her aunt in London. He was everything she had hoped to find in her man: kind, intelligent, compassionate, and loving. But now, she wondered how she had misjudged everything about him.
It had been several weeks since she had seen him, and her last moments in his company were nothing but torment. He had to repeat his decision repeatedly before she could grasp the reality.
Yes, Mr. Harrington had broken off their engagement, and Elizabeth declared she had never conceived that such a circumstance could befall her, not even in her wildest dreams.
He arrived at Longbourn early one morning, requesting a private audience with her. Then, he conveyed his intention of dissolving the engagement, and the reasons he offered distressed her beyond measure. Elizabeth relived the horrificconversation she had with him, and she knew she would never be able to forget how she felt that day.
…. “I am left with no alternative, Elizabeth. It grieves me exceedingly to take this step, and yet, the severity of the reasons which compel me to dissolve our engagement leaves me no alternative, I must do so for the sake of my family.”
“You knew of my dowry all this while; you were perfectly aware of it when you offered for me but a week ago. Until now, you never appeared to doubt our future felicity, despite your mother’s disregard for me. Was this, then, the reason you urged that our engagement remain a secret? I believed the object of your visit today was to speak with my father and secure his consent. How can you abandon me thus?”
“Because my entire livelihood is at stake, our financial woes are mounting daily, and we have lived a life of luxury so far, I cannot imagine my mother and sister losing their current status in society. You are already aware of the financial crisis we have been entrapped in, and every day in the past month has been nothing but torture. I was under the assumption that I could resolve everything, but the truth is that I cannot. My sister is in love with Mr. Kingston; she cannot imagine a life without him. I have done nothing for her so far, and as a brother, I am responsible for ensuring her happiness. I have no choice but to marry Miss Kingston to save my family.”
“There is no need for further explanation; it is quite extraordinary that you should discover so convenient a remedy to all your difficulties, and I can only suppose that Miss Kingston’s dowry has rendered the decision agreeable to you. You speak of your sister’s happiness with such feeling—what of mine? You have inflicted upon me a wound beyond repair, and all in the name of love. What most enrages me is the ease with which you can relinquish me, without any trace of guilt. Do youimagine it so simple for me to forget you? From all I perceive, it seems to be no arduous task for you.”
“Be assured, it will not be easy. I can never forget you, but I will have to endure the pain caused by this decision.”
“Did I seek you out? Did I relentlessly pursue you? You did everything to make me believe that such pure love could never exist; I fell in love with you because you declared that no one could break us apart. I let my heart believe in every word you said because I trusted you. My dowry, your mother’s disapproval, and everything you mention now as reasons were never a problem a week ago when we got engaged. You were not certain about our marriage, were you? That must be why you wanted me to keep our engagement a secret.”
“If I were not certain, I would have never proposed to you, but then, I did not understand how much misery our father had inflicted upon us because of his senseless actions. Our business has suffered such heavy losses that our debts are overwhelming, and we may be forced to sell our house to save ourselves. As deeply as I love you, I cannot neglect the solemn duty of protecting my family. My mother and sister must not be exposed to misery on my account.”
“Yes, you are correct. You seek to act rightly toward all others, yet not toward me. There is no need to mince words, Mr. Harrington. You may speak plainly: you are forsaking me for money. At this point, I would at least appreciate your honesty.”
“Elizabeth, look at me,” he said, trying to hold her hand.
“Do not dare to touch me; please leave. I wish you a lifetime of happiness in your marriage,” she cried.
“Even if our engagement remains private, I shall not hesitate to speak with your father; I am not a coward to walk away from the consequences of my actions.”
“No one can call you a coward, least of all I. You dare to stand before me and profess your love, and yet, because of mypoverty, you intend to marry someone else. I cannot help but admire the courage required for such a choice. As you remark, it is most convenient for us both that our engagement remained secret. Also, you do not have to worry as I will say nothing to my father, nor will he pursue you for an explanation or entreat you to reconsider your decision.”
He tried to reason with her again about why he was forced to end their engagement despite his deep regard for her, but Elizabeth opened the door and motioned him to leave.
“I am truly sorry,” he said with remorse as he left.
“No, you are not. Goodbye!” she said, controlling her tears….
The conversation still lingered in her mind. The initial days after her broken engagement had been exceedingly trying because she had to encounter her family, who supposed that Mr. Harrington had come to seek her hand. It was well known that he had exhibited a particular regard for her while they had been in town. Except for Jane, none were aware of her engagement, though her father suspected that something was amiss.
“Elizabeth, what was the purpose of his visit? Did he say something to upset you? I am not an ignorant man; I could see that you were in happy spirits since you returned from town, and I am aware that you spent much time in his company there, and he called on you frequently,” Mr. Bennet enquired.
“Yes, I did like him and enjoyed his company, but there was nothing more to it. His visit was merely of a friendly nature to inform me of his intended marriage with Miss Kingston.”
“Why would he come all the way to inform you of this? Are you concealing something from me?” he asked with a piercing gaze.
“Trust me, Papa. There is nothing to be anxious about,” she had reassured him.
Her mother, who expected a proposal that morning, was gravely disappointed.
