Page 2 of To Go Against Her Heart
“Oh! How could he not propose? Your aunt wrote to me saying that he was smitten by you and was certain that he was in love. Did you say something to upset him? Is that why he left without proposing?Had you but the beauty and disposition of your sister Jane, he would not have thought twice about claiming your hand. Just yesterday at Lucas Lodge, I proudly declared that a handsome gentleman from town was courting you. Now, what do I do?” she cried with despair.
Elizabeth hardly had time to face her feelings as she was lamented with several questions regarding why Mr. Harrington was to marry someone else all of a sudden. Jane, aware of the actual situation, tried to convince her to inform their father, but Elizabeth declined as she knew very well that there was no hope for Mr. Harrington to change his decision, and even if he did, she was unwilling to accept him.
“It is a blessing in disguise, Jane, that I kept the matter to myself. Now, he may marry in happiness, and I am spared, at least, the shame of a broken engagement. Yet, in truth, such shame is trifling compared with the anguish to which my heart is now subjected.”
All those years, when her mother mentioned her meager dowry and worried about the same, Elizabeth had brushed it aside. Yet now she could see, with painful clarity, that something she had long disregarded—wealth—was the very reason for her state of torment, and the man she had loved and imagined as her husband rejected her because of the same.
***
At present, she sat alone in her chamber, reliving the four months she had known him and how, little by little, she had allowed her heart to be attached to him. Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of her sister.
“Lizzy, I brought you something to eat,” Jane said as she walked into the room with a tray.
“Please do not trouble yourself. I do not have an appetite.”.
“You hardly ate anything yesterday and cannot go on like this. How could you do this to yourself for someone who never loved you? You must know, Lizzy, if he ever did, he would not have acted thus to someone as pure as you.”
“I am not angry with him anymore; I am angry with myself. I agree that he never truly loved me, but he has wounded me for life. When I fell in love with him, I truly believed my intuition and never doubted his feelings. He pursued me diligently for three months, convinced me of his regard, and succeeded in gaining my trust. I saw him as a man without fault; love blinded me. I gave my heart to him, and I suffer now, for it seems it can never recover from this wound and my foolishness.”
“As difficult as it is, you must forget him; he does not deserve you. You will find true love in the future, and I am convinced of it.”
“Never! My heart has turned to stone, leaving no place for anything that might bring me joy. And if you speak of true love, please understand that I no longer yearn for it. Even if someone is willing to give me the love you think I deserve, I can never go against my heart and accept it. Because right or wrong, I loved a man and imagined a life with him; I can never betray my own heart.”
Jane regarded her sister with evident distress.
You will, Lizzy. I am certain that someday you will go against your heart when you find the man willing to go against the world for you.
Chapter 2
Pemberley, Derbyshire January 1811
Darcy sat along with Georgiana in her room as she sobbed uncontrollably. He could never grow accustomed to the situation, nor was he aware of the means to help his beloved sister.
“Forgive me, Fitzwilliam; I do not know what came over me,” Georgiana cried with guilt.
“Pray, say not such things, my dear.I am here to offer you my support whenever you should feel thus. I would not have you bear your sorrows alone. Though it pains me greatly to witness your suffering, I cannot ask you to forget the past so readily. You have nothing to reproach yourself for as I am solely responsible for your current state of misery.”
“How could you blame yourself? You did nothing wrong. I allowed myself to be deceived so easily,” she said, recollecting the Ramsgate incident. It had been over six months since Georgiana tried to elope with Wickham. Luckily, Darcy had saved her in the last moment, and the horrific incident still haunted the siblings.
“I should have never left you alone with Mrs. Younge; it was a grave mistake. You mean the world to me, Georgiana, and I can never forgive myself for the distress you have suffered.”
“I have caused you enough pain, and I will not permit you to hold yourself accountable for my senseless actions. You must trust me that I no longer love him. I am heartbroken that I have let you down and brought such shame upon us both.”
“No, you have not. The instant you beheld me, you confessed everything. Please trust me and know that I am proud of you.”
“But I have inflicted so much pain on you. God knows what you had to endure to keep this secret safe. Fitzwilliam, I can never forgive myself; I never will,” she cried. Darcy stayed with her, providing comfort, and reassured her that Wickham could never harm her again. It had been several months since the incident, yet Georgiana still struggled to come to terms with her actions, and she often succumbed to her guilt, much to Darcy’s anguish.
I hope you can recover from the heartache, Georgiana. I cannot bear your pain, and I have failed you.
He finally retired to his study, striving to occupy himself with work. He took the letter he received from Richard and reread it.
Darcy,
I wish we could return to the old days when I might recount every detail of my social life in town and bore you without restraint. But it is impossible, for all our correspondence of late concerns Georgiana and her unfortunate experience in Ramsgate—an event we might have averted had we been more diligent. I still cannot believe Mrs. Younge deceived us so easily, and it angers me beyond measure that Wickham is still roaming freely on earth. I received Georgiana’s recent letters and still do not see a change in her temperament. Please tell me I am wrong. After all these months, I had thought she might have healed—but what do I know of women? I wish you were married, Darcy. A kind, understanding sister who would help Georgiana in many ways. I understand that you no longer want to leave her alone, my intentions align with your own. I propose that you travel here, bringing Georgiana with you. Though you may findthem disagreeable, social engagements might serve as a welcome diversion for her.
I am well aware that you detest these gatherings because women hound you and make you uncomfortable. But can you blame them? You are the most eligible bachelor in town. I suggest you take the prospect of being married more seriously now. It is high time that you found a wife. Though you harbor apprehensions about discovering the right match and of finding a woman who truly perceives your character, do not forget that true love is a rare blessing these days.
On the subject, our good friend Edmund is getting married soon, and his sister, Miss Kingston, is also getting married into the same family. So, should you decide to travel here, you will at least have one less woman competing for your attention, though I believe Miss Bingley will sum up for competition against the entire ton. I await your decision regarding your travel plans, and I must mention that Mother is very eager to spend time in Georgiana’s company.
