Page 31 of Spooked
My nose twitches as aromas reach me from the kitchen, pulling me that way. Once this house had servants, a butler, maids and a cook. Nowadays, it’s just my grandmother and my mom. The only parent I’ve ever known who I’ll lose only too soon.
Chemo is taking it out of my mother. She barely resembles the woman who nurtured me during my childhood. Her skin is almost translucent, and her form nigh on skeletal. She’d known she’d lost the battle with cancer before we had stepped foot in this house. I knew only too well how damn hard it was for her to admit she’d been beaten by the disease. And how, along with the cancer cells, she was riddled with guilt about what would happen to me, while all I hoped for was a miracle.
Rather than bursting in through the kitchen door, I stand back as I hear the word,hospice,and start listening intently.
“You’re my daughter,” I hear my grandmother say. “My blood and your father’s run through your veins. I’m not letting you go and die among strangers. I’ve money. I’ll pay to have someone provide medical attention to you here in this house.”
“Momma, you can’t afford it.” My mom’s voice, far weaker than it should be, scolds her. “You’re rattling around in this place with no one to clean or look after you. I’d rather you kept what you have for yourself.”
A peal of laughter follows. “Sian, my love, you think because I have no one waiting on me that I’m poor? Good God, woman, but after you caused so much trouble…” she pauses, then adds in a harsher tone, “or I was led to believe that you had, I was fed up with the servants gossiping. I got rid of them all. The garden can go to hell as far as I’m concerned, and I’m quite happy to keep the place tidy and cook for myself. What else is an old woman to do?” Her voice softens. “I didn’t come from riches. I knew hard work. Knew what it was like to have callouses on my hands from working for rich folk. I was lucky that I became Emerald and hit pay dirt when I caught Bertie’s eye. And what a catch he was.” Her tone becomes whimsical as she confides, “I know some said I led him on and took advantage of him, but they were all wrong. I loved him with all my heart. He was such a wonderful man. Since he died, I’ve just been waiting to join him, but life can be cruel and keeps dragging on.” Her voice catches. “It’s not fair that I’m still here and he’s gone. Except…” a pause, and I can’t see her, but I can imagine her hugging my mom. “Perhaps my purpose was to take care of you, Sian, after the injustice I did to you.”
“Momma…”
“No, don’t you feel sorry for me, Sian. While most of my good times were in my past, you and that lovely daughter of yourshave brightened my world since you darkened my doorstep. And when you’re gone, I promise I’ll look after Maeve.” She pauses to chuckle softly. “And not just because you gave her a good Irish name.”
Mom’s chuckle makes me smile. I’ve heard too little of that lately.
For a moment, there’s a clattering of pans, the sounds of chopping, and I’m just about to reveal myself, when Emerald speaks again. “Sian, I’m sorry about what happened. I still can’t believe Siobhan fooled me with her lies.”
“I’m sorry too,” Mom replies. “But it’s the truth. Siobhan accused me of the things she herself was doing.”
“You did get pregnant by that man…”
“He was a good man. Our only crime was pre-empting things by having sex before we married, but I had a ring on my finger and the wedding arranged. Did you wait until your nuptials before you knew Dad in an intimate way?”
There’s a pause, then Gramma chuckles. “Actually, I did. I’d had two choices when dancing—give it away to anyone and everyone, hoping for a few trinkets to come my way, or save it for someone special.”
There’s a pause, then Mom answers, “I know Siobhan intimated I was playing around, but Dave was my first, my only. Sure, we should have waited for the wedding bells to ring, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was a twist of fate that I fell pregnant when I lost my virginity. Had we waited, Maeve would never have been born. She’s my memory of the one man who I loved and lost.”
“You could have come home and told me…”
“But you’d thought I’d stolen five thousand dollars!” Mom sounds exasperated. “You thought I’d taken the money to give to a man who’d make nothing of himself except use it to buy drugs. Sure, he and his family weren’t rich, but they were hard-workingand made enough to get by. Dave was a proud man. He’d have taken no handouts and definitely not stolen cash.”
I hear the smacking of hands and can picture Grammy brushing flour off her skin. There’s quiet, then, she says, “Siobhan told me he got you pregnant and then left you alone. I presumed he’d run through the money by then.”
Mom sighs. “Kind of the truth, but twisted. Dave couldn’t help dying.” Her voice breaks. “I just wish I’d known him longer, and he’d had the chance to meet Maeve. And…you.” She says the last hesitantly.
“Oh, honey. Now I know the truth, I do too. I was a blind, stupid woman who didn’t see through the lies. When Siobhan came here wearing her fancy dresses, I just thought her husband was being generous, and not that she’d taken the money herself.”
“Mom...”
There’s rustling. I can’t see, but I’m imagining them in each other’s arms. After a couple of minutes of silence, I’m about to put in an appearance when Gramma speaks again.
“I asked Siobhan to look for you, but she came back with a story I shouldn’t have accepted. She said you’d shacked up with druggies and left the state, having gotten the cops after you for robbing stores. I should have suspected Siobhan was up to something. She was jealous of you from the time you were born. I tried to treat both of you girls equally, but you were so pretty, dainty, and took after me, while Siobhan inherited your dad's looks. Pretty enough in her own way, but nothing to match the grace of my youngest daughter. You were a dancer, Siobhan had two left feet. I hate admitting it, but maybe I’d had a preference back then and let it be known. Until you started, or apparently began, acting up. The evidence brought to me by Siobhan.”
“It was Siobhan who frequented the parties, did drugs and shoplifted. I was never capable of anything like that. But you didn’t believe me, so when I met Dave, I had my opportunity tomove on.” Mom pauses, then adds, “And when you discovered the money missing, I knew you’d never believe I was innocent if I came back. I knew how plausible Siobhan could be.”
“I hate to admit it, but time’s proven your version is right.” I hear a deep sigh. “Siobhan’s made her bed and must lie in it. Don’t worry about Maeve, I’ll look after her when…”
“When I’m gone.”
“Then Maeve will inherit everything I have. This house, and whatever money is left.”.
My mom doesn’t comment. When the only sounds are of two women cooking again, I come around the doorway and enter the room, my mouth watering at the delights they’ve already made, my stomach grumbling in anticipation. Neither of them has noticed me, and with the sudden realisation that this will be the last Christmas I spend with my mother unless a miracle happens, I approach and place my arms around her. Yet, it’s not her comforting body I feel, but thin air, my hands only meeting themselves.
Now the odours reaching my nose are those of decay and mould. The light has gone. Only the glimmer of the fading sun lights the room, casting long shadows. There’s no food, and no one here except me.
My heart rate increases. I’m aware of every little sound. There are creaks and groans of an old house settling, but no cheery voices like I heard before. I know I’m in the Sullivan House, but it’s not as I know it. Time has passed. Feelings of loss sweep over me as I realise both my mom and grandmother have long gone. I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m a grown woman.
