Page 249 of Jagged Souls

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And even as I hate it, my body still craves the potion that smells of pomegranates and chocolate.

What is wrong with me?

Why can’t I stop even knowing what harm it brings?

Whatpain?

I have to get it out of me.

I need to get it out.

Get it out.

Get it out.

Get it out!

Dragging myself along the edge of the sink, I reach for the cabinet to the right of it. I open the door and quickly find the knife Varius keeps in here. He has them stashed everywhere around the house. Guns too. And wands now.

But a wand isn’t going to help me. I’m not a healer, don’t know much about the human body.

But I know thisthingneeds a womb, and I don’t want it in me anymore. I lost the chance for kids when I lost Bambi. I can’t go through this again. Can’t let somefucking diseaseexperience all the milestones she should have had

I step into the bathtub and tear off my shirt. My hands shake, so I take a deep breath, readying myself for the pain. I’m not going to have long before the shock kicks in and makes me pass out, but it will only take half a second to cut my belly open if I don’t hesitate. Then another second to push my hand inside, grab it, and rip it out.

Tears clog my throat as I think about Antonio doing this to me. I force the memories to rise, visualize where he hit me to rip Bambi away.

Fuck.

I don’t want to do this.

I don’t want to do this alone.

I want Dayne here.

He would’ve helped me. He would’ve made this safe and bearable, and he would’ve been there for me after as I fell apart on his shoulder.

I press a hand to my stomach, feeling the damn thing kick.

What if it’s Varius’ though?

What if it’s a new start?

I tremble.

Fight back the urge to sob. To think about that.

Because that would be worse than it being Bear’s.

I don’t want just any baby of ours. I wantBambi, and this isn’t her.

I can’t be a mother to this thing.

Ican’t.

If it’s Bear’s, at least I’ll be happy killing it. But if it’s his…

It can’t be.

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