Page 248 of Jagged Souls
Almost needing it.
I don’t know why, but I’m sure Maddox would have an answer. Annoyed with that, I stand. “I don’t need therapy, but I do need to fucking pee.”
I feel like I have been peeing every fifteen minutes these last few days, and there’s this weird fluttering in my belly. Given it started when I began talking to Varius rather than reading to him, I thought it was just butterflies. But now it feels like I’m passing gas all the fucking time, so maybe I should see Sau. My intestines didn’t exactly get the VIP treatment while I was away.
I snort. Then ache.Dayne would’ve laughed at that.
Avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, I think about his card with a bittersweet pain. Black font with a smiling purple flame on it and the words:I’d ask you to cremate me, but I’m already smoking hot.
Another flutter passes through my stomach, and I frown as I wash up. That felt like something moved.
Then it hits me.
Panic.
Terror.
Crippling nausea.
I try to shout for Varius, but my mouth is too dry. My throat is too tight. I yank my shirt up in front of the sink and look down at my stomach. Is that a bump? I look in the mirror, then turn to get a better angle.
It can’t be a bump.
I haven’t had sex in –
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I lost track of the time in there.
Too many days merged together.
“Varius,” I croak, barely loud enough for even me to hear.
I lean against the sink, trembling.
My stomach twists so tight, I throw up. My skin is flush. My head is warm. My body doesn’t feel like mine.
It’stheirs.
I want it out.
I want it out!
I want it out!
If I can feel it kicking, that means it’s older than Bambi, and the thought of that is ripping my soul apart. It can’t be older than her. I would’ve noticed. Sau would’ve noticed when she healed me on the yacht. She would’ve told me so she could check up –
My skin runs cold. She’s been checking up on me every week. A brush of the fingers here when she passes me a cup, a hand on my back there as she moves past in the hall.
“Youbitch,” I hiss. She’s taken my choice away. Just like Antonio did. She’s been using me as an incubator to get her damn grandkids.
Fear tightens around my neck as I wonder if it’s even Varius’. I try to remember if Eduardo managed to rape me while Antonio was gone or if Antonio did it while I slept. Or maybe it is Sadist’s. Some Vs keep sperm tucked away to be used later; others allow you to get pregnant while you’re already pregnant.
So maybe it’s Bear’s.
I’m sick at that thought, throwing up in the sink. The smell of it reminds me of too many nights with Sadist, and I heave again. Panic claws its way across my mind. I can’t have conceived another monster. Another thing. And not on that night where I pretended to be a child to get a pedophile off just to score some V.
