Page 38 of To Sway a Prince
Wait. Had I told him that before? The words had just slipped out. I halted.
He leaned back in his chair, one wrist draped over the wooden arm. "You scourged the bond mark?" He asked it quietly, not cruelly.
I nodded, staring down at the mead and the small ripples from tilting the goblet. Maybe it was for the best. The words tugged at my lips, eager to spill free. "My father was rune fae, but my mother was crimson fae. I found the crimson mate mark when I turned fourteen. It meant that somewhere—somewhere out in that grand world—my beloved existed and had also reached a critical point. If lore is true, then the bond would begin forming between us over the next decade until at last we met. And at first, I took great joy in that. Mate bonds are not common among crimson fae though apparently more common than among rune fae."
"If I may ask, why did you sever it when it had begun? You had already lost everything. Would you not desire the comfort and security of a mate?"
I pressed the tip of my tongue against my teeth, willing the tears back. "Because all I had left was Zephyrus and death and the resistance, and…I didn't think I would survive the fight. Atthat point, I thought the curse would find some other way to destroy me. And the lore masters said that if a bond was severed before it was fully formed, then my mate would have a chance to bond with someone else."
His brow furrowed, a soft yet knowing light in his eyes. "Fate would be rewritten? Your beloved would find someone else?"
"And he would be safe." I bit down on my tongue. "He wouldn't know I'd rejected the bond. All he would know is that something changed."
"And you never pursued romance outside of that? Rejecting the mate bond does not mean you cannot love or be loved," Ramiel countered.
"What man would be interested in me? Especially once he knew that I had a mate…that the mate bond had started to form its mark on my flesh to draw me to my mate and I scourged it? I know that must sound dreadful and cruel?—"
"No, I understand your choice." He tapped his finger against the pendant at his throat. His magic made the charm difficult to see but it was present nonetheless. "I did not cut my mate bond from my own flesh, but…I took other steps. I masked the bond and freed her. My reasons weren't so dissimilar from yours."
"Really?" I had never thought I would meet someone else who had followed such a similar path. Speaking of this so frankly and without judgment—I had never thought that would exist for me. It was as if an old burden was loosed from my shoulders.
His violet eyes softened. "Because I always knew I was coming to this point, Astraia. The curse hangs over me and keeps me from entering the Chasm and healing the leviathan. And that in turn means that the leviathan is going mad. Who knows what else has happened within those corridors?"
With a heavy sigh, he lifted the chalice to his lips. "I realize it may seem insane to you that the dragons and I remain here. I could live if I never used my runic Chasm magic again. But theChasm must be protected. If it ruptures, then all the beasts of the Chasm starting with the leviathan will pour out into ours and the raw magic of the Chasm itself will undo the moorings of this realm."
"Then why are you here alone? Why not ask for aid?"
"Because I am all that is left. After the Battle of the Iron Fell, my great-great grandfather bound the duty and magic of the Sentinels to our bloodline rather than being something that could be passed to volunteers. Very few can stand to be so close to the Chasm." He set the goblet down, his gaze fixed on it. "I could have summoned my beloved to me, but I didn't want her to have this life. Especially not when I know where it must end. How it will always end. In darkness, pain, oblivion, and death."
"I haven't found it difficult." It hadn't been difficult at all. "Perhaps that curse has faded?" He did not respond, so I continued, more tentative. "At least I can help you."
He gave a small smile then. "I do not want to impose. You have your own life, and you have done so much."
"If Zephyrus is happy here, I would not want to separate him from his family. And…to be able to serve a particular purpose for a time…I feel like I could accept that." I took a long sip of the mead. The sweet flavors exploded over my tongue, but the nerves spasming through me made it difficult to enjoy. "Besides, you shouldn't underestimate me. I will get those knot curses off you, and then you will be able to use all of your magic and fix the Chasm. Simple."
"Elegantly simple."
"You don't believe I can."
His brow creased at this, and then his hands dropped to his lap. "I…I am not used to having hope, Astraia. And false hope is devastating. It is not that I don't trust you. I do. It is that I must be prepared to do what I must, no matter what I feel. That it very likely may require that I lay down my own life. The hope that youoffer is one of the most beautiful things I have considered. But I have to be ready. And I do not want you to carry this burden or feel that it is your responsibility."
I bit the inside of my lip as I nodded. "I'm going to prove to you that it can be done. But you're right. You should do what you must to prepare yourself. But when this is over and you are healed and freed from this curse, I will tell you I told you so."
He smiled then, leaning forward on his elbow. "If you succeed, I will savor your victory as my own. I will admit freely that you were right and I was wrong."
"I'll hold you to that," I said, lifting my goblet in another toast.
He lifted his in acceptance of my toast, and we ate in silence at first. Then we spoke of little nothings as we ate, anecdotes about the small parts of life. The ordinary pieces that made life so precious.
After he refilled my chalice a third time, I set down my fork. A question had formed in my mind and refused to pass. "When I severed the bond and scourged myself, the witch told me she could try to see his face and describe him to me so that I could change my mind if I wanted. I—I didn't have the nerve to do that. Was it the same for you? Did you ever see her? Your mate, I mean. Before you masked the bond?"
His hand stilled halfway to his goblet. Something flickered in his eyes—pain, longing, or perhaps regret. "Not in person. But I saw her face a few times in a scrying mirror. She was—is the most beautiful woman to ever walk or fly. All pale embers and sunlight. And a smile that both wounds and delights me. The first time I saw her was in one of the sand mirrors that distorts time. I don't even know if she has lived the point that I saw, but…she was more than I could have ever hoped for. It was almost enough to make me reconsider until I really contemplated what a life here would mean for her. But there was comfort there too.Because after I saw her, I knew that in time, she would find happiness. Another would love her and do better by her than I ever could."
It was my time turn to shake my head. The sentiment was sweet but seemed misguided. "And how can you know that for certain? Life can be so cruel."
"Because…she will. She's strong and clever and tenacious." His gaze drifted to the bottle of mead, and he added more to his goblet before taking another long pull. "I pray for her. I mark runes for her. I debated at times going to speak with her, but that is far too dangerous. Caein says…"
The silence intensified between us. I waited, fingers still wrapped around the stem.
