Page 70 of Miracles and Marriage
Taking a deep breath, she tried to think. But mostly she focused on the hurt she felt with his words. She was nothing more than a container for him to fill with a baby. When it wasn’t the right time, thank you, he’d do fine without her.
She’d brought it on herself. Now she wondered if the cost was too high. How would they live through the years ahead if he merely came by because of the child? Would they divorce and he find someone else?
That she’d find someone else seemed unlikely. She hadn’t found the right man in all her twenty-eight years—until now. And it seemed he still wasn’t the right one.
She wanted to go home. She was not going to give in to Cal’s suggestion that they move in together. In fact, she was going to reevaluate her entire plan. If she wasn’t pregnant by the timeher next period was due, she was going to decide whether to continue or not.
The thought of not trying brought a pang. Yet so did the idea of falling more and more in love with a man who couldn’t even have her tag along when he fixed up his uncle’s home unless it was the right time of the month.
“Zoe, what’s wrong?” he asked behind her.
“Nothing, I was thinking about a summer garden.”
She refused to let him know how hurt she felt.
“It’s pitch-dark, you can’t see anything.”
“I remember what the yard looks like. I can sketch from memory.”
“Then you don’t need to be out in the cold.”
She drew in another breath, feeling steadier than before. The threat of tears were gone. She’d make it through the weekend. Turning, she walked toward Cal.
“You’re right, I’m through being out in the cold. Let’s find that hotel. I’m tired.”
There was an available room at a nearby hotel. But tonight Zoe wasn’t thinking about making a baby. She was making memories to last her during the years to come when she opened her arms to Cal.
Chapter Ten
Two weeks later Zoe woke feeling achy. She had avoided Cal as much as possible without causing comment over the last few days.
True to her word, she’d worked on the project for renovating the Richmond house and by the Thursday after they’d returned from Richmond had presented Cal with a printout of all her notes and recommendations.
When he’d asked her about contacting painters and carpenters, she’d pleaded a heavy workload and asked if Emily could handle that.
She didn’t want to invest herself in a project she might not even see to completion.
Today, that seemed wise. Feeling slightly depressed, she rose and debated going to work. Her period was scheduled to start tomorrow and she already felt some of the cramping that was sure to accompany it.
She was not pregnant.
And she wasn’t going to continue in the futile effort.
Her doctor had told her it might prove difficult if not impossible to conceive. Why not give in to the inevitable and schedule the operation? The pain caused incapacity each month wasn’t going to go away. It could get worse.
She needed to tell Cal. Zoe knew he ‘d try to talk her out of it. He was tenacious in his pursuit of objectives—at least at work. And she knew he grieved at the loss of the other baby.
He needed a woman who could give him lots of love and lots of children. She only counted in one aspect.
He’d put up a fuss, but this was the wise decision. He never stayed with any woman long, so before she knew it, he’d find someone else. Maybe to have a family with or maybe to squirearound to social events as he’d been doing all the years she’d known him.
At least no one else but Chloe and Gabe knew the full story. She must have known deep inside that it would end this way. That’s why she’d been so insistent no one knew about the marriage or the baby quest.
Once the marriage ended, they’d go on as they had before. Or if it became too painful to see him with another woman, Zoe knew she could find a job with another security firm.
Only, deep down she didn’t want to change a thing. She wanted to share a child with Cal, watch it grow, develop. See her parents as doting grandparents, her sisters and brothers as extended family the child would love through the years. Have their son or daughter play with cousins, share in family holidays and birthdays. And spend summers in carefree fun at the seashore. And she wanted Cal with her every step of the way.
By the time she finished her hot chocolate, her mind was made up. She was calling in the vacation time she was owed. She’d go to the sea. Any comfort would be found there.
