Page 24 of Miracles and Marriage
For a moment she almost suggested they seal the deal with a kiss.
Instead she stood and carried her dish to the sink. She looked in the cupboard beneath and found soap. Cal also rose and brought his things, putting the dish and cup on the counter next to the sink.
“I’ll wash. You cooked breakfast. It won’t take long,” Zoe said. “I’d like to get going if we’re heading back to D.C. soon.”
She refused to look at Cal, or even let herself think about the bargain they’d made. She was already having doubts. How could she carry off such a charade? She was so much more comfortable discussing projects or brainstorming security measures than this.
When he moved near, she almost jumped out of her skin. She was aware of Cal as never before. She could see him from the corner of her eye. His shoulders were broad, his posture was quintessential male confidence as he leaned against the counter and watched her.
Soon he’d kiss her. She swallowed, tempted to steal a glance at his mouth. Would that telegraph her curiosity?
She’d bet anything she was going to love his kisses.
Feeling unsettled at the intimacy of her thoughts, she wondered if she should discuss the situation further or hopeeverything worked out. She knew it would be awkward the first time.
Anticipation and dread began to build. When? Where?
She liked to know ahead of time exactly what was happening. She could see a dozen different scenarios play out, none of them the ideal future she’d once hoped for.
At least she could keep her job, no matter what. She loved her work. If she had waited too long for a family, it would have to be the consolation.
“You analyze things too much,” he commented.
“That’s what I do, analyze things,” she replied, hoping the sudden tension between them would soon dissipate. She couldn’t work around Cal if she felt she was walking on eggshells.
“That’s your job, but you’re carrying it into personal life.”
“I do things that way. Always have, which is probably why I’m good at my job. I’m trying to get a handle on how things will play out. Imagine different scenarios, come up with different plans to defuse adverse situations. You know that.”
“Probably in ways you can’t imagine,” he said.
He leaned closer and brushed a few wispy tendrils of her hair from her cheek. Zoe held her breath at the wild feelings that pounded through her at his touch.
“Don’t try to foresee the future,” he said, watching her hair. “Go with what’s happening now. We’re two reasonable adults who want a child. We’ll have a baby and we’ll decide then how we’ll proceed. When it’s an infant, it’ll need you more than me. But once it grows older, we can share the responsibilities and time with him or her.”
“I wonder if it’ll be a boy or a girl,” she said, not wanting to dwell on the actual act of procreating. That would make her crazy.
“Which ever we have, I’m sure we’ll both adore the baby.”
Too bad the parents didn’t adore each other, she thought, though there was sex appeal in spades.
She flicked another glance at Cal and found his dark eyes studying her. Licking her lips quickly, she wondered if he was as attracted to her as she was to him.
Cal leaned back and let his hand drop to his side. He hadn’t realized until this moment how much he’d wanted this. And how uncertain he’d been of her answer. Now it was settled. He’d have a baby that no one would ever be able to take away from him. He was more like his uncle and mother than his father. He wanted a child to follow him.
And he’d have a wife. That was nonnegotiable. Maybe not fair to Zoe to saddle her with the condition when he was still trying to protect himself from Suzanne. But he couldn’t take that risk another time.
It’d work out. He appreciated her coming with him to deal with this. He knew Zoe had a practical nature that appealed to his own. They’d make this work.
“I’ll make the arrangements when we get back,” Cal said. “Any special day you’d like to get married?”
“We’re not telling anyone, right?” she said.
She could imagine the fuss her mother would make planning a wedding. There’d be friends and neighbors Zoe had known all her life to be invited. All the aunts and uncles and cousins, grandparents. She couldn’t see getting away with anything less than a full-blown production that would take months to put together.
A quiet little ceremony would be better. If she didn’t get pregnant, she and Cal could quietly get a divorce and no one would be disappointed the marriage hadn’t lasted.
Yet she couldn’t imagine doing all this without telling Chloe. Her twin could be counted on to keep quiet about it. If she got pregnant, she counted on the excitement her parents would feelabout a coming grandchild to counter any hurt at being left out of their daughter’s wedding. They had other daughters to plan weddings for.
