Page 48 of Forgotten Vows
I bet they counted on my never speaking to them like this. They were here to blend into the background, but I wasn’t letting this slide.
One sneered. “Your father would be ashamed of you,” he hissed.
His partner nodded. “You don’t belong here.”
“He’d be ashamed of your being here, coming to sleep with Ivan when your father forbade you from being a loose woman like so many other young ladies are.”
I bit my lip, wanting to scream. These two were just as old-fashioned and stuck in their ways as my sexist father was.
“I remember back in the day when it was common knowledge about how Konstantin planned. He wanted to marry you off to someone back in Moscow for more power.”
I shrugged. “Too late for that.”
“I’d say it’s too late,” the second guard retorted. “Konstantin let it be known that you were forbidden and off-limits. He was determined to avoid your getting with Ivan or Emil or Alexsei—anyone from the Dubinin lineage. Not only because he would be the one to choose someone for you but because you are damaged goods now.”
I narrowed my eyes, daring him to repeat that. The status of my virginity was no one’s damn business but my own.
“He knew that letting his daughter be a reckless and loose slut would change the power dynamic.” The first man smiled smugly. “You’d no longer be available to be given to another man he’d want an advantageous arrangement with. Which is how it’s supposed to be.”
I smirked, letting out a single bark of a laugh. “Not according to me.”
I turned before they could see a speck of disappointment on my face.
These damn family politics. The stupid ways women were supposed to be bartered off. I’d run from the Mafia lifestyle for good reasons, and that tied into it.
Shaking my head, I debated whether letting myself back into this world was wise. Lev needed the protection. He was safest under his father’s influence, under his great-uncle’s authority, too. But I couldn’t full-heartedly convince myself thatIhad any place here as Ivan’s former lover and convenient quick fuck buddy of the moment. How would I ever belong like this, a discarded woman who was once so courageous to place her bets on love being stronger than familial duty?
21
IVAN
Ianticipated that Raisa would be emotional on Lev’s first day of school here. It was a shift among many shifts in her life, and I wasn’t so cruel as to disregard how hard this was for her.
She’d been in charge of our son all these years. Taking it upon herself to keep him as safe as possible, she was the sole decision-maker of what happened in Lev’s life. She called all the shots. She made all the choices about what was best for him.
In the two weeks that they’d been guests at my uncle’s home, I noticed how she stepped back cautiously and let me spend time with our son. To get to know him. To let him learn about me. Lev wouldn’t be sheltered any longer, and I was open to answer any question he asked of me about who I was, what my family did, and what the future would hold. I didn’t go into details about some things. He was far too young for that. I merely treated him with the same degree of intel that we gave Misha.
Raisa didn’t seem comfortable about giving up her authority with Lev. I saw it in the wariness in her eyes when she watched from a distance. I heard the hesitation in her voice when shewould quickly mask her worry or anger, making sure Lev would see her smiling and civil around me and the Dubinin men.
Taking Lev to school together was the most domestic thing we’d done yet, but I respected that she would be nervous. That she would be scared to let our son be out of sight. This was the longest she’d go without being near him and personally witnessing that he was all right. Unlike the hour or so when Lev would be with me, or Alexsei, or even Emil, today marked the first time that Raisa would need to preoccupy herself with something else.
I imagined that Luka would take advantage of Lev not being home. My uncle was still eager for more intel about Konstantin, about the Riveras indirectly attacking his family, about all of this. It seemed like so much had changed in a short span of time, and we were all taking the proper steps to address this situation the best we could.
Luka had mentioned to me that he wanted to interrogate Raisa about her unexpected and sudden appearance here. And I was in no position to tell him that he couldn’t. He was the Boss. He was the one who ruled in this house and family, and I was fine with that. That was how it had always been.
As I saw Raisa being dropped off at the house, I knew that not giving her a heads up about Luka wanting to speak with her was the right thing to do. It would be better if she wasn’t prepared. I didn’t think she was lying about anything, but she was too guarded. My version of prompting her to lower her guard wasn’t exactly panning out well so far. We would fight. We would get in each other’s space. Then those inevitable sparks would fly and this simmering attraction between us would catch fire.
We can’t keep doing this.
I rode uptown to handle some business, but just like before Raisa stormed back into my life, with our son in tow, she hogged my thoughts.
This mutual understanding that she and Lev would stay with us could only last so long. We were all waiting to see how things would settle—with her story about where she’d been for years, what the Italians were up to, and if Konstantin still posed a threat, dead or alive.
But today felt like a step toward something else. Toward a forever scenario. Where Lev would go to school here. Where he’d grow up alongside Misha.
Domesticity wasn’t in the cards for someone like me, but I had to scold myself from being so closed-minded.
Luka was awfully domestic with Gabriella in his life now, as his young wife.
