Page 49 of Forgotten Vows
Even Alexsei was domestic and not cutthroat, always concerned about Misha seeing him wounded.
But how do we move past this waiting game for intel?
I felt like I was stuck, anticipating Luka’s approval of Raisa and his official welcome into the family once he’d checked her out.
It seemed like I was untethered, staying at Luka’s house to be near Raisa and Lev when they belonged in my home with me. I wasn’t joking when I told Raisa that I’d missed her and I would never have plans to let her go again.
Patience. Just be patient.
I exhaled a long breath as the car stopped and I got out.
It seemed like I’d been anything but patient to have Raisa again. Eight years, we’d been apart. We’d grown and changed in all that time, but looking forward, I only wanted to focus on how to ensure we were together once more. In all my fantasies of having her in my life again, they hadn’t gone off like this—where she was still wary of me, still nervous to trust me.
I was forcing myself not to push her too hard and to give her a chance to befriend me again before we could figure out our future.
Throughout the day, I checked my phone for updates. The security I’d placed at the tutoring place that was more like a school for Lev would check in hourly, reporting that Lev was at the school and safe. I also glanced at my phone for a text from Raisa. From Luka. Hell, even from Gabriella. Someone in the house who’d confirm that Raisa was there and…
Happy?
I wasn’t sure how to make that happen. She enjoyed reconnecting with me physically, but it was in her heart and soul that I wanted her again. Like we were before. Completely in sync and in love.
When it was time to pick up Lev, I got a ride to the house and picked Raisa up. I wouldn’t take charge and exclude her from the drop-off and pick-up parts of the day.
She didn’t speak to me much, and when I got a call I couldn’t leave for later, I hated that I was stuck on the phone and unable to talk to her on the ride. I hung up just as we got Lev, and it filled my heart with elation to see him so happy and back with his mother.
Back at the house, he chattered and talked about his “first day” of school. Transferring here from Paris should’ve been a challenge, but I noticed that Raisa had made sure to raise Lev as a multilingual child. His English was impeccable despite his nomadic childhood so far.
Listening to him and watching more than engaging with him, I felt like a spectator. I was new to this, and as we returned to the house, I tried not to dwell on this lingering grudge that I was holding on to against Raisa.
She’d deprived me of so many things I could never get back. All these milestones and firsts I’d missed in Lev’s life. His birth. How he was as a baby, if he was prone to fussing like Andre was. How he grew and nurtured his interests. First steps. First words.First everything. I’d been cheated out of it all, but I was adamant that I wouldn’t miss anything else.
It was also the first night of homework, too. We sat together as he told me more about his teachers and the classes, and about how he might befriend a couple of kids who had seemed nice.
“Was Mama lonely?” he asked.
I tilted my head to the side. “I don’t know. I was working.”
He nodded, keeping his head down as he wrote in a notebook. “She used to work lots too. She said it was just what she needed to stay busy until I was home from school.”
“Well, she’s not working here.”
He smiled. “Will she have to work ever again?”
Not if I have anything to do with it.Raisa wasn’t an idle person, though. If she wasn’t checking out a new hobby back when we’d first met, she was eager to make a difference in the world. Then, she was a bright-eyed student in college, daydreaming about helping others however she could. I admired her big heart and ambition to pay back with kindness. Now, with me providing for her, she would need to preoccupy herself with something new.
“I bet that’s why she seemed grumpy,” he commented. “She must have been bored without me here all day.” A simple smile crossed over his face as he continued to write and not look up at me.
Grumpy was an understatement, though. Through dinner and following it, I sensed that she was acting off as well. But I didn’t think it was due to boredom.
She was more guarded than usual, as if she couldn’t wait to escape to her suite, which was next to my room now. I’d asked to have her moved closer to me a couple of days ago.
I gave her time to go through a bedtime routine with Lev. Even this simple thing of seeing him tucked in was a new treasure I enjoyed. He was content, likely able to roll with thechanges and adapt. But Raisa was off, guarded and tense without making any eye contact with me.
I felt stupid to have assumed things were going well. Or smoothly, at least.
Once Lev fell asleep to the bedtime story I read to him, I stood and faced her directly.
She furrowed her brow as I took her hand. Speaking too loudly in Lev’s small room that was attached to hers wouldn’t be wise. I wanted privacy to get to the bottom of why she was acting funny.
