Page 12 of Shattered Heir
I collapsed to the floor, and Keil and Shad rushed to me, picking me up. Shad was carrying me, I knew, because his electric touch buzzed through me, and he smelled like he always had, like a minty fresh morning. He set me on the bed. I looked at Mary who was crying in the chair, and she smiled at me, a sad smile.
“Is she?” she asked Keil as I closed my eyes, more exhausted than ever before.
“She is strong, Mary. It hasn’t consumed her yet. It has only just started. I think that she will be okay with the proper training. I should have thought of this before now; you and Ryker should have—”
“We didn’t know. Everything happened so fast, and we did our best,” Mary said.
“No doubt, but I fear that she will have many hard days ahead. She may not be too far gone, but the monster of hate inside of her is surely fighting hard to keep her for herself. The corruptor is doing his best to take her soul.”
Chapter Six
Lessons started right away, there, in our little hotel room while we waited for Ryker to recover and heal before we could all go back home. I didn’t really know how I was going to just go back to my old life when nothing was the same anymore. I wasn’t sure how much could actually be accomplished in a hotel room, but Keil was adamant that I needed the training to start as soon as possible. I didn’t know exactly what had been happening to me. I was afraid of her, but at the same time, I also felt so powerful when the monster came out.
Could that power defeat Cade? If it could, I should learn how to use it to my benefit, right? I should steal back Shad’s soul if Cade has not run off to Terra yet.
It was a strange thing to admit to myself, because for most of my life, I had never thought of myself as powerful. Afraid, scared, lost? Yes. But powerful and strong? No.
But I did feel powerful and strong when I let the monster of hate consume me.
So yes, I knew that something was wrong. I knew that it was not necessarily an enjoyable thing to have thoughts and feelingsabout murdering a man and chopping him to pieces—but that was the monster within me, not really me. I told myself that I could control her.
I can be strong and have a melody, too.
I looked down at my crystal necklace on the small side table in the yellow hotel room. I had to take it off when we trained so that Keil could monitor me. I felt naked without it. That crystal not only felt like a shield from evil Terrans who could sense my melody, but it was a gift from Shad, a special gift. And until that one moment the other night, I had never taken it off of my neck since I put it on.
“You need to focus, Emma. You can never stop it from overtaking you if you don’t focus.”
“I don’t understand exactly how this works.”
“You need to know your own soul. You need to memorize each individual note and their sounds—the shape of them, and how they feel inside of you. Once you know your soul on this most basic level, it is easier to control. You can start by putting emotions, memories, feelings and desires into compartments. Some memories, emotions, or desires are not needed on a daily basis; others are very necessary. Your hatred for Cade is real and should not be ignored, but it does not need to be inside of the main compartment, or box, in your mind.”
“Main box?”
“You have a central area , compartment, or box within your melody. Many people refer to these compartments as boxes. There is the main box that you keep open. but the others should be stored away or even locked up. They are all interconnected. It's a woven web, but when you are able to filter through and program your melody to sift your reactions, thoughts, and desires, you are less likely to give in to immediate desires or impulses without first thinking them through.”
“What? Is my melody some kind of computer that we can program?”
“Sort of. Think of it as, maybe, a filing system? With melodies, we also have advanced capabilities, which actually allows us to control what our brain and heart focuses on because of our unique and advanced souls.”
“A brain and a heart make a soul?”
“Not necessarily,” Keil shook his head, and I could see the irritation, there one moment, then gone the next. “A melody is the essence of who you are; some on earth call it a spirit. Melodies are what some people believe ghosts to be. They are what lives inside of us all, what connects us all together. Earthlings? They do not have the advanced knowledge to be able to maintain a constant connection to mind, body, and soul, which is essentially what a soul's melody is.”
“This sounds insane; you get that, right?” I would have laughed, but I was too overwhelmed by what he was saying to even smile.
“When we get back to Roseville, I will break it down even better for you, but what you need to know right now is that you do not need to have this intense hate for Cade in your main compartment, on center stage.” He paused as if he were contemplating the best metaphor, “on your computer's desktop or your cell phone’s home screen—” He smirked at me, and I just stared at him, trying to understand everything he was trying to say, and coming up completely confused. “You don't need to let the hate consume you—to destroy you.” I wondered for a moment, thinking about all the good my monster had done for me: she had brought me back to camp; she had helped me endure seeing Shad again, and then Ryker. Maybe I could use her; maybe she could be a powerful strength to me.
“I get the impression from your melody that you think of anger, or the monster, as you term her, as a strength. She canbe that, but at the end of the monster’s strength is a dependency upon her, and with such a dependency, you would end up with terrible weaknesses, too. There is more strength in having complete control of yourself and of your emotions than the brute strength to kill or lash out and then to become dependent upon her.”
“But Keil, if I keep this monster thing, then I can defeat Cade and get Shad’s melody back. I know that I can. I am stronger with her; then I could train, and eventually, I can get rid of her if I needed to.”
“No.”
“But—”
“Absolutely not, Emma. You do not understand what this can, and will, do to you. Believe me, I have seen it. Many have had the same idea—that this hate is a form of strength, but this thing inside, she is not, Emma, and it never works—never.”
“I can contain it, her—the darkness.”
