Page 75 of Colin Gets Promoted and Dooms the World
“It’s Akkadian cuneiform, probably four thousand years old.”
“And?”
“And I’m pretty sure this is the ritual that Management used to bind the first Abominations.”
Straightening, I stared at Lex. “Are you serious?”
“Hell yes, I’m serious. After that fiasco with the angel, when I realized what we were up against, I went into research mode. Well, actually, the first thing I did was find a pillow and scream into it for a couple of hours, because you’re a fucking disaster of a human being.”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“Then I started looking for hints about how Management bound those fuckers in the first place. I knew we’d need that before we fixed this.”
“ ‘We’?”
“You and me.”
I blinked at them.
“I mean, obviously you’re still trying to get rid of this Abomination, right? So you can get your little promotion. And you’re probably going to keep trying more and more desperate shit until you blow up the world or trap us all in a parallel reality or something.”
Something like happiness expanded inside my chest. “You really believe that I can fix this?”
“No, I believe you willtryto fix it. Let’s face it, your track record isn’t exactly stellar. And I want to help because, as much as this world sucks total ass, I’d prefer that we destroy it ourselves rather than some piece-of-shit Abomination.”
There were nuggets of validation in there, faint hints that Lex really did believe in me. I got a little choked up as I moved in for a hug.
“Touch me and die, Colin. I’m serious.”
“Okay,” I mumbled hoarsely. “But…thanks. Idowant to fix this. And I’m so happy you’re going to help.”
“Geez,” Lex muttered, clearly embarrassed. “Calm down.”
I took a couple of deep breaths and nodded.
“Okay.” Lex pointed at the stone tablet in front of us. “It took a day and a half with virtually no sleep and a dozen Red Bulls for me to find this.” At my look of concern, they nodded. “Yeah, pretty sure I have a heart murmur now. But who cares? It turns out that the answer we needed was sitting here all along.”
I peered at the obscure markings. “Can you read this?”
“My Akkadian isn’t great. Enough to give me a general gist. Translating it more precisely will be a pain, but it’s doable.” Lex drew a deep breath. “Here’s the problem, though. Abominations exist in more than the standard four dimensions of spacetime. That’s why this one seems able to ignore things like the laws ofthermodynamics. It shouldn’t be able to destroy matter and energy, but that’s exactly what it’s doing.” I nodded along as if I understood, though I definitely didn’t. “Management presumably didn’t comprehend this four thousand years ago in the same way that we do now, but Theydidunderstand that Their ritual needed to propagate into dimensions beyond spacetime and designed it accordingly.”
I shook my head as if trying to dislodge something. “What?”
Lex sighed. “The upshot is that this ritual requires some truly intense mathematical calculations. Like, seven-dimensional geometry. I have no idea how Management did this—maybe They outsourced it to a contractor that also existed beyond spacetime, or maybe Their minds transcend conventional reality. Who knows. But this math is way beyond my understanding.”
Frowning at the tablet, I told them, “I think I know someone who can help.”
“Who?”
“Amira. My best friend and roommate. She’s a badass physicist and legitimately the smartest person you will ever meet. She does complicated math for fun when she’s waiting in line at the bodega. But she thinks I work at a bank.”
Lex thoughtfully nibbled their lip piercing. “So if we want her help, we’re going to have to tell her…what, everything?”
“I mean, yeah, I think so.”
“You want us to violate our NDAs?” they clarified.
I nodded.
