Page 105 of Love Deep
I smile. “Thank you.”
“I’ve been talking to Rachel about you being based in Star Falls, and how your trips to New York would be infrequent. I presume any foreign travel would be even more difficult.”
“Foreign travel?” I say, like I didn’t hear completely clearly. “Why would I need to travel…”
“We can work around it,” Rachel says. “A number of my artists have shows in the Middle East and China. But we can figure this out. If that’s what you want. But you have to want it.”
“The Middle—yeah, no, that would be… impossible.”
My mind starts racing as I realize that when I told Grace before that making trips to New York would be impossible, it wasn’t because of Riley. It wasn’t because I didn’t have the money.
It was because I was scared.
Maybe my mom was right, and my fear was part of the reason I never went to art school in the first place. New York felt like a foreign country to me, just like China or the Middle East does now.
“I just want to take this one step at a time,” I say, correcting myself.
Maybe Riley needs to see China, just as much as she needed to see New York. It’s good for her to experience all the people and the smells, as well as the Met and Radio City Music Hall. My mom was right. Star Falls is a beautiful place, but there’s an entire world out there, and I don’t want Riley to be afraid to spread her wings and experience all that life has to offer. Then she’llknow, not just believe, that Star Falls is the best place on the planet.
“But I do want it.” As soon as I say the words, I understand how true they are. I don’t have to give up on mydreams just because I’m a mother. I want to be an artist. That’s where my heart has always been.
“That’s good to hear,” Rachel says. “One step at a time is how these things work. I don’t want to push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
I pull in a breath, feeling a new sense of confidence. “Great. But I’m going to do my best to be as flexible as possible,” I say.
“Good,” Grace says, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s good to know you’re keen.”
“And if you decide you want to work with me, I see my job as to protect you, as well as promote you,” Rachel says.
“This is why Rachel’s perfect as your agent,” Grace adds.
I nod. If Grace thinks Rachel’s the right person, then she’s the right person. Fisher trusts Grace. I trust Fisher.
“Tell us what you’re working on,” Rachel says.
“Space,” I say. “Not astronaut-space. Space and negative space,” I say. It’s the easiest way I know how to describe what I’ve been trying to paint in the last few weeks since Fisher. Any of my unfinished works have been set aside, and I’ve been trying to paint what I feel: loneliness. “I’m trying to communicate loss,” I say.
Rachel and Grace both nod at me, willing me to say more, but I’m not sure if I can.
“Oh wait. I took some photographs. Nothing’s finished yet.”
“Wow!” Rachel says as I pull up the first image. It’s a lapis lazuli blue circle. And around the outside is a similar blue with a tiny amount of white added. It’s almost the same color, but not quite. The paint around the edges of the circle is thicker, and you can see the paint strokes all heading toward the circle like it’s trying to get the circle tostay. “It’s a little different to what I’ve done more recently.”
“It’s very bold,” Rachel says. “And very interesting.”
“I haven’t shown it to anyone before. Not that I show my paintings to many people anyway. I don’t get many visitors on my website. Although, I did have someone call me the other day. Someone who stayed at the Colorado Club wants to buy a piece from me for their apartment. That’s really nice, right?”
“For them,” Rachel says, and Grace laughs. “They’re lucky to be getting you when you’ve not been exhibited yet. I’m willing to bet they know a little about art and see your potential.”
I shrug. I’m just pleased to be making another sale. I can top up Riley’s college fund with most of the money this trip cost. It will make me feel less anxious.
“This feels like a good place to start for your first exhibition,” Rachel says. “It’s fresh and different from your other work, but not so different that we couldn’t display some of the pieces the Colorado Club didn’t buy alongside it.”
“I agree,” Grace says. “It makes sense to use the historic stuff. It’s slightly softer, but still impactful. And we’ll do the first show in New York.”
The pulse in my neck starts to throb, and I swallow, trying to keep my panic at bay. “My first show?” I ask. “When are you thinking?”
“We can be guided by you. Makes sense to have the opening during a school vacation. That way you and Riley will both be able to come to New York.”
