Page 46 of Forbidden Obsession
I sniffle and nod, feeling all the more pitiful.
“It’s time you had a good long think. A hard think.” When I open my mouth, she shushes me and squeezes my knee. “No, listen. Your feelings are important, and I’m not blaming you for them. I’m always here for you, and I understand you’re scared. Let those emotions flow, but not only for yourself. Think of Rahz. Think of his mother. Hishumanmother. Who could just as well have been born in Irondale. Who could easily have been wrapped up in this mess. Who is vulnerable if the tide turns against us. What’s a boy like Rahz with a heart like his supposed to do? Sit back and watch as the humans in the south are threatened?”
The air sweeps from my lungs in a painful rush.
She’s right. Of course she is. My chest hollows. I gaze at the woman I love most in the world, the one who’s always taken care of me, and who’s taking care of me still.
Human.
Like Rahz’s sweet mother.
Like the people of Irondale.
I can’t breathe. I’ve been so stupid. So selfish. Not to see it before now. A threat to one is a threat to all.
Bessa collects me back into her arms. I squeeze my eyes shut against the world and hug her fiercely. She lets me cry all over again. “Oh, Jindal, forever my little boy, you’re going to be all right.”
I hate myself at this moment. How terrible I am. How thoughtless. “He asked me to go with him.”
Bessa shifts enough to look me in the eyes. “And you said no?” Her surprise shocks me a little.
“Because of Mother…” I let the thought trail off. My mother is sleeping. Has always been sleeping. Might be sleeping still when all of this is said and done.
“Your mother, when she wakes, will love you no matter what. Whether you’ve waited here or forged a life of your own somewhere else.”
I’m holding the hem of Bessa’s worn apron, fingering a loose seam as my world unravels around me and begins anew. “I should go.”
“You”—she catches my chin and gives me the most loving look, a look that melts my heart—“should think. Don’t react, don’t lash out, just sit with your thoughts. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes.” The word might come out in a scared whisper, but I mean it. “I’ll do it.”
“At the river. Alone. Don’t drag Rahz from his mum for this.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“Have you eaten?”
I shake my head.
“Let me pack you something.” She disentangles herself from me and heads to the cupboards. “Thinking goes best with a full stomach.”
Though I’m reeling inside, I smile. Bessa wouldn’t let a soul go hungry if it were in her power to feed them. I have no appetite, but maybe I’ll feel differently later.
She puts together a little sack for me and shoves this into my hands. “I’ll be here if you need me. Right here. I’m not going anywhere. But you can do this all by yourself.”
Her faith in me flushes my face. Heat warms my cheeks and chest. “Thank you.”
“I love you, Jinny.”
“I love you too, Bessa. I’m sorry—”
“Aught. None of that. You have nothing to apologize for.” She wipes my face with her apron and kisses my cheek. “Tell Rahz to come see me before he goes. He’ll need provisions.”
That almost wrings a chuckle out of me. Almost.
In a way, I leave Bessa’s cottage feeling worse than when I arrived, but in another way, I feel stronger.
Maybe I can be the person Rahz and Bessa seem to think I am. A better person. A person more like they are.
