Page 24 of Forbidden Obsession
As I prepare, my mind turns over the night’s conversation relentlessly, picking apart every word, every question.
I couldn’t help but notice, when asked, Rahz didn’t answer if he was loyal to our queen. I’ve always thought Aurielle is a good ruler and deserves our allegiance, but… Why would Rahz feel otherwise? Because his blood is only half fae? That doesn’t make sense. We live in Luminia, forever ruled by the fae. She’s his queen as much as mine. Why wouldn’t he pledge his loyalty?
The questions disturb me on a night I already find myself very much disturbed. My thoughts are scattered like dandelion fluff on the wind. A sense of urgency whispers that time is running out, that I need to act before something important slips through my fingers, but I can’t latch on to the answer.
I’ll support Rahz. Of course I will. But it’s difficult when I don’t understand his reluctance. He’s careful with what he tells me these days. As though his trust has limits. Boundaries he won’t cross. Even with me. Though at this very moment he’s telling Falen things while keeping me out.
I won’t pretend my feelings aren’t a little black and blue around the edges.
When Rahz makes it home, I’ve worked myself into a frenzy. The tears I’d held at bay slide down my cheeks. My face must be a mess. But he’s drenched, and I’d planned on helping.
So I wipe my nose on my sleeve and grab the towel I’d dug out for this reason. I peer down at him from my spot in the loft.
“I’ll just undress here,” he says. “No sense bringing all these wet clothes to bed.”
Not trusting myself to answer lest he realize my sad, pathetic state a moment earlier than necessary, I hover as he peels off the soaked layers. So beautiful, my Rahz. Naked, he hangs each piece on a separate rung to dry, then makes his way up.
Seconds tick by. I bite back shame at having come so undone while merely waiting for him for half an hour. The wooden rungs creak as they bear his weight. My heart beats too fast. My breath comes in too shallow.
I’m clutching the towel to my chest. Why does he even put up with me?
“Hey there.” His voice cuts through the dark cloud I’m lost in, his expression shifting from neutral to concerned. “Jinny, love, what’s wrong?” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight to his damp skin.
I sniffle. I’m overreacting and yet unable to stop. I release the towel and cling to him, trapping it between us.
“Has something happened?” he murmurs in my hair.
How can I tell him nothing happened? Nothing except he walked home with someone else? Even I know that’s not the real reason I’m crying, or not the only reason, but I don’t have words for the feelings swirling inside me. Like my thoughts are too big for my body.
Rahz rubs my back, patient as ever. Sweet man.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I manage. Of the list of things that are bothering me, that concern is at the very top.
“And I don’t want to go, but I don’t see a way out of it. Not if the town expects me to make the trip.” His sigh ruffles my hair. “If Vander thinks not signing the registry is an act of treason, he won’t be the only one. He’s just bold enough to say it out loud. It’s dangerous to let the villagers believe I might not sign.”
Dangerous.He’s right. But it’s crazy. Jodpirn has never been dangerous.We’re safe here, we’re safe here, we’re safe here, my mind insists, but the truth hits me.
I might be safe, but Rahz isn’t. And that’s unacceptable.
Instead of diminishing, my tears run like a river overflowing its banks after a storm. I gulp in a shaky breath, and Rahz holds me closer. Together we rock, back and forth, back and forth, while I cry it out.
This isn’t what I wanted to happen. I should be drying him off, tending to his hair, dressing him in soft clothes, asking how his conversation went.
“I thought maybe you were having a tough time tonight,” he says. “I should’ve known how badly this was affecting you. I’m sorry I left you alone, but you’re okay. I’ve got you.”
His voice soothes my nerves but not my guilt. “Not your fault. You’ve been trying to tell me, haven’t you? And I’ve been a terrible listener.”
“You weren’t ready.”
A pitiful little laugh escapes my lips. “I’m still not. Clearly.”
His laughter echoes mine, just as pitiful. “Aww, Jin. You’re doing fine. Cry as much as you need.”
Oddly, this helps the tears stop. I gather myself and take a deep breath, pulling back to look into his eyes. His warm, mossy-green, intelligent eyes. “Sorry.”
Rahz swipes my wet cheeks with his thumbs. “No need.”
I rescue the towel crumpled between us and run it over his wet hair. Rivulets trail over his collarbones and down his chest. One droplet finds a home for itself in his navel. He stays still while I dry him, even the drop in his belly button. Though a naked Rahz will always be a temptation, I hand over the clothes I readied for him and watch him dress in the soft, warm sleep shirt I laid out for him.
