Page 25 of Forbidden Obsession
We slide into bed, and he puts out the fire with a wave of his hand. “Do you think we could talk about it, or do you need to sleep?”
“Talk. Definitely talk.” I’ve already put this conversation off for far too long.
“Good.” He kisses my nose.
We lie on our sides, facing each other. A common position for us and one that brings comfort. Even in the dark, I see his face clearly, knowing I’m in shadows for him. My eyesight is better. A boon in times like these when I can read him like a book, but he can only make out my shape. And yet another advantage of my blood that I didn’t earn.
The rain pounds upon the metal roof overhead, nature’s drumbeat. That, too, is soothing. Perhaps I’m ready for this conversation after all. “Tell me of your talk with Falen. Does he feel as you do? And what is that, by the way? How do you feel? I’ve been turning a blind eye long enough.”
A faint smile lifts Rahz’s pretty mouth. “Thank you for asking.”
It’s hard not to kiss him, but I resist. Can’t get distracted now, even if it would be infinitely more fun.
“I don’t want to sign the registry. And I certainly don’t want to pledge my loyalty to anyone, save you, of course. But I don’t see a way around at least making the trip. I’d thought, perhaps, Falen would feel as I do, but his reluctance stems more from the inconvenience of the task and less from what’s actually being asked of us.”
If only Falen had agreed with Rahz. I don’t quite understand it all, but at least he’d have another person on his side. Rahz deserves that.
“Falen has been to Lemossin several times. His family celebrated the Gatherdusk there when he was a boy. He remembers the royal court. Aurielle on horseback, parading through the city streets in all her glory. He listened to their speeches and dined upon feasts provided by the crown. It has inspired a sense of loyalty in him that I don’t feel.”
I don’t want to interrupt, but my mind provides questions relentlessly. I tell it to shut up and listen for once instead.
Rahz twirls his fingers through my hair, lulling me to a calm, even as the world spins around me.
“Though we are both mixlings, Falen is more fae than I am in every way save blood. He’s more at home in his fae skin. He even looks more fae than I do. His mother is fae, and his father is human, and they're happy together, unlike my parents. He’s grown up feeling accepted.”
In the quiet pause, I reflect that Rahz hasn’t grown up feeling accepted, not completely, and my soul aches for his.
“He’s comfortable. He doesn’t know why Aurielle would ask him to sign a registry, but the request doesn’t bother him. He’s already loyal, so pledging himself thus hardly matters. But I can’t stop wondering why.”
“Why what?”
“Why everything. Why now? Why the pilgrimage, why the signature, why the pledge? What does she want from me? Why should I give her anything? Why, why, why? But no matter how I turn the subject around in my head, I have no answer. Nogoodanswer.”
Rahz’s questions burn an inferno in my brain. The calm I’d sunk into fades with talk of fighting.
He continues, “What if she is shoring up support for a war? I willnotsupport that. Would my name be on a registry so I could be summoned to fight her battles? And if I refuse? Is that also treason?”
“Bu…but you can’t,” I stutter, alarmed. “Fight. You can’t. You might get hurt.”
“I’m much more worried I’d hurt someone else.”
If Rahz’s heart isn’t the purest of them all, I’ll eat raw nillyslugs for breakfast. “There won’t be a war.”
His gaze hardens enough to make me flinch. “You don’t know that.”
He’s right—I don’t—but I can will it with every fiber of my being. “If there’s a war, you mustn’t go.” A thought occurs to me, and I splutter it out artlessly. “We will flee. We’ll go north. On and on until the Gatekeeper’s frozen palace if we must. Anything to escape war.”
He arches his brows. “You would flee one danger, only to run straight into the maw of another?”
“Okay, perhaps that was a bad idea.” I lock onto another dumb idea. “We’ll build a boat, then. Sail across the seas.”
“Jin, not all troubles are avoidable. We cannot know the future. But if I go to Lemossin, I can at least learn more of the present.”
Back to that. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you. Only taking a trip to return to you with more information than we have now. The sooner I go, the sooner I’ll get back.”
“Soon?” My breath catches in my throat. “But Queen Aurielle gave the mixlings four months.”
