Page 52 of Forbidden Obsession
The room is quiet. The temple sleeps for the night. Tomorrow we’ll take Elara home and get her settled back in Jodpirn.
I’m drifting off as Jindal shivers and sniffles.
“I don’t want you to go.” His voice sounds as if he’s about to cry.
His words hit like a knife to the chest. How can I leave him now? When he’s feeling so fragile. So vulnerable. What kind of partner am I if I abandon him at this pivotal moment in his life?
“Oh, Jin.” I bury my face in his hair.
But what of all those people down south? Hundreds? Thousands? Innocent women and children are on the slaughtering block because Aurielle’s tyranny demands everyone pay for the rebellion of few. What of them? Will Suvi’s troops be enough to save them without my magic?
They need me too. They need me to hide them while the conflict gets sorted. To help keep them safe. I can’t abandon them either.
Do I put the well-being of one ahead of the lives of many? Even if he’s the one I love most in the entire realm? It seems terribly selfish.
“Rahz?” Jindal turns in my arms and studies my face. It’s dark, but his eyesight is better than mine. Whatever he sees startles a little gasp from his lips.
“Oh, Rahz. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He kisses me. “Of course you have to go. And I understand. I do. I’m just a mess right now. Ignore me.”
“That, I could never do, my love. Never.” I return the kiss. A sweet press of lips which neither of us deepens. Being skin to skin like this is enough. Holding each other, perhaps for the last time in a long time.
I’d always imagined the day Jindal’s mother awoke would be a happy one, full of rejoicing. I never thought we would be caught up in so much turmoil. This isn’t how it should be. It’s not fair to either of them.
But when has life ever been fair?
ChapterTwenty-Three
Jindal
As we strollthrough our garden toward the thriving fields, Mother takes my hand. Her skin is soft and warm against mine. We are of the same height, shoulder to shoulder, both of us basking in the sunlight on our faces.
It’s early afternoon. We made the trip home this morning, Mother and Rahz on horseback with Father and I flying above. She’ll need some time to regain her full strength, but she looks good next to me, healthy and vibrant. One day we’ll go flying together. Though it might be a ways away, I can’t wait.
We walk in companionable silence until we’re beyond the back gate and well out of earshot of the house.
She says, “I wanted to have some time alone with you, Jindal. We have much to discuss.”
Do we? I mean, I suppose we do. We haveeverythingto discuss, really, but her tone holds a hint of hesitancy. I get the feeling she’s thinking of something specific.
Being with her is both wonderful and oddly nerve-racking. In one way, I feel as if I’ve known her forever. This is my mother, and I’ve visited her often. I’ve confided many things to her over the years. How much she remembers, I have no idea, but we aren’t strangers, she and I.
And yet we are. Because in another way, I’m worried about how one-sided our relationship feels. It never occurred to me, as I poured my secrets out to her sleeping form, that I knew next to nothing of her in return.
She knows my every fear, my every hope, my every failing and success. And all I know about her is that we look alike.
I try to sound calmer than I feel. “What did you want to talk about?”
“So many things.” She turns her brilliant smile on me, which helps to settle my nerves a bit. “But first, your father.”
Just kidding, my nerves are back and rattled. “What about him?” It’s harder to keep my voice at an even keel when thinking about my father.
She squeezes my hand. “Oh, darling. I remember your visits.”
“You do?” A swooping sensation tumbles through me. All that talking.She remembers.My motherknowsme. I could weep with joy.
“Yes, especially when you were younger and hadn’t yet thought to censor your feelings in order to spare mine. Not word for word, mind you, never like that, but I remember your longing to please him. Your sorrow at feeling like you didn’t. His coldness toward you. It broke my heart.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to—”
