Page 51 of Forbidden Obsession
Watchingthe two of them together was like watching a spring fern unfurl in the morning sunshine. Jindal glowed under his mother’s doting attention, and she warmed the room with her love.
I arrived as fast as I could, in time to meet her before night crept along and Jindal’s father insisted we go to bed and leave them alone together.
All four of us will sleep in the temple tonight, Jindal’s parents in her transition room and we in dormitory-style guest quarters I didn’t realize the temple provided.
Though our little windowless room is sparse, it has everything we need: a wash basin, soap, fresh bathing cloths, a night pot, and a single bed we had to assure the guardian we’d make do. He’d offered us a second room, but no way am I leaving Jin all by himself tonight.
We’ll just have to cuddle.
“How are you?” I push his hair behind his ears and cup his nape.
Jindal leans into my touch like he always does, but his eyes are filled to the brim with emotion, not all of it good.
“I don’t know.” He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and bites. His hands tangle in the fabric of my tunic. “I’m…I’m happy, and the ache in my soul that’s yearned for Momma all these years is all healed up, but I’m also…I’m also…”
“It’s all right if you don’t have words for it.”
“Torn,” he lets out with an unsettled moan. “We’re supposed to leave in the morning, but, well, I can’t leave now, can I?”
Those words I expected but didn’t want to hear. It’s as if the ache in his soul has been transferred to mine.
My heart is heavy with guilt. My first thought upon hearing Jindal’s mother had emerged from dormancy was happiness for him. But my second? My second thought was,oh no. Now he won’t come with me. We’ll be torn apart after all.And it’s no good to be feeling sorry for myself when this should be one of the best days of my lover’s life.
I won’t deny the part of my mind that wishes he’d choose me, but I’ll never, ever say it out loud. I won’t put him in the terrible position of picking between me and his mother. He’ll always have us both, even if we’re separated for a time. But I’m devastated to leave him behind. Especially when I thought he’d be with me.
I rub his shoulders, massaging out the tension he holds there. “I won’t leave in the morning. It can wait one more day. Let’s not think of it now.”
He gives a sad little nod. “Thank you. For waiting.”
We’re silent as we strip off our clothes and prepare for bed. Silent as we use the little basin to wash one another up. Silent as we climb under the blankets and burrow into each other.
I hold him close, his soft wings against my chest, me cocooned around him like a shell protecting its pearl. His steady heartbeat is a comfort, even as my thoughts race. Delaying a day will mean pushing Magna harder to make up the time. But she’s so strong now, so fit for this type of travel, I’m confident she’ll take to the change with ease.
When Jindal’s voice breaks through my fretting, it’s so quiet I hardly hear him. “Do you think Father will be…any different? Now that she’s awake?”
Ah, he is worrying about that as well. I should have known. “How do you mean?”
“More kind? More loving?” He shifts in my arms, scooting back as far as possible into my embrace. “Or am I being silly just for thinking it?”
“Not silly, no.” I kiss his soft hair. “It’s fair to think of what might be, but maybe don’t get your hopes up.” I can’t imagine Jindal’s father changing, and even if he does, I’ll never fully forgive him for how he’s treated Jin all these years. As if he’s not enough, not worthy, not lovable. When he is all those things and more. Any father would be lucky to have such a son.
“It’ll be different. Having two parents at home.” He tenses. “Oh, Rahz. What of Bessa? Father won’t need her anymore if Mother is home.”
“Aww, Bessa will always be our family. She’s going to be so happy for you.”
“But what will she do now?”
“What she’s always done. She’ll love you, she’ll bake, she’ll cook, and she’ll live her life as she sees fit. Her talents are well known throughout Jodpirn. Many will be delighted to trade with her. Don’t worry. Bessa can take care of herself without your father’s coin.”
He lets out a big sigh, and his body relaxes a fraction. “You’re right. Of course you are. I should’ve known that if I’d been thinking clearly.”
“I don’t know you’re meant to be thinking clearly after such a momentous evening. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“You always know just what to say.” He laces his fingers with mine, our hands resting over his belly as it rises and falls. He squeezes. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
Come with me, my heart pleads, but I refuse to make this harder on him than it already is.
I close my eyes and take comfort in the feel of him against me, the familiar lilac scent of his hair, and the way he squirms as he finds the best position to fall asleep in, our bodies touching from head to toe.
