Page 112 of The Rules
One ring. Two. Three—
"Honey? What happend?" Tammy's voice comes through, warm and teasing.
The sound of her voice nearly wrecks her. A familiar rhythm and kindness that makes Kath's throat close up, her chest tightening with the effort not to completely fall apart.
"I fucked up, Tammy," she manages, her voice hoarse, cracking at the edges.
There's no pretense left. No armor. Just that one sentence hanging between them, raw and exposed.
"I really, really fucked up," says, and then she's crying, shoulders shaking as everything she's been holding back finally breaks free.
Tammy doesn't rush her. Doesn't try to fix it immediately.
She just waits, her presence steady on the other end of the line. "It's okay," she murmurs occasionally. "Take your time."
Her voice a gentle anchor while Kath struggles to breathe through the tears.
When the worst of it passes, when Kath can finally draw a full breath again, Tammy speaks.
"I figured. But tell me everything."
"Tammy, I—”
Her voice breaks before it even becomes a word. Kath sits on the bed, phone pressed so hard to her ear it might shatter.
Her hands won’t stop shaking. She doesn’t breathe. Doesn’t blink. Just listens to the silence on the other end, hoping Tammy won’t hang up.
And then everything spills. Ugly. Out of order. Real.
She wipes at her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie—inside out, she realizes vaguely, the old coffee stain near the cuff catching her eye like it always does.
The scent of jasmine still lingers in the room. The glow of her desk lamp cuts softly through dust.
Her breath stutters, catches. Then slows—barely.
Something ordinary. Something that doesn’t ache.
“The club... the mask... him. It was supposed to be nothing. Just money. Just control. But then it wasn’t. And I knew—God, Tam, Iknew—that the secondI started wanting it, I was fucked. I let him in. I let him touch parts of me I didn’t even know were real anymore, and now I don’t know how to scrub him out of my skin.”
She laughs. Short. Empty. It sounds like someone else's voice.
“You know what I saw in his eyes?”
The silence stretched while she steadied herself, teeth sunk into her lip.
“Like I was maggots crawling over something once beautiful.”
Her voice cracked. “Like he couldn’t look at me without wanting to vomit.”
Her breath hiccups out of her chest. She presses a palm to her sternum like she could keep it all in if she just holds tight enough.
“I didn’t just lie, Tam. I let him believe one thing while I lived another. I gave him Blondie’s truth—then looked him in the eye as Katherine and pretended I didn’t even like him. That wasn’t just a mask. That was betrayal.”
Silence stretches. She swallows it.
“He trusted me. Maybe not with words, but with...with that look, you know? Like I was more than what I sold. Like I was worthseeing. And I turned that into a trick. A goddamn performance.”
Her body curls in on itself, like if she gets small enough she can disappear into the guilt.
