Page 113 of The Rules
“I hate myself for it. Not in a poetic way. Not like, oh poor me, lesson learned. No. I hate myself like I want to peel out of my own skin. Like I don’t deserve the air I’m using.”
A beat. Then quieter:
“And now there’s Crawford.”
Her voice wavers.
“He sent me a photo of Lisa.Lisa, Tam. My sister. He found her. Hewatchedher. I don’t know how. I don’t know when.
But I saw the timestamp. He knows what she wore that day.”
Silence swells on the line.
“I thought the worst was losing him,” Kath whispers.
“But this... this is something else. This is what happens when you rot yourself from the inside out. This is what’s left.”
The steady sound of Tammy’s breathing through the phone was the only thing holding her together.
Why didn’t I just tell him?
The thought burned behind her eyes like acid. She could’ve been honest. She could’ve stopped it. But she hadn’t. She’d let it spiral—let herselffeelthings. And now all she could do was try to survive the wreckage.
There was a long silence. Then Tammy finally spoke, her voice quiet, low, and heartbreakingly kind.
“…You loved him, didn’t you.”
It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t judgment. Just understanding.
Kath’s throat closed up. She couldn’t say the word—not out loud. But Tammy already knew.
“I could hear it,” she continued softly. “In your voice. In the way you talked about him when you thought you weren’t.”
She blinked, tears rising again. Hot. Immediate. The kind that came from being seen too clearly.
“I’m not going to tell you what you did was okay,” Tammy said. “You already know it wasn’t. But Kath… I also know your heart. You weren’t trying to manipulate him. You were trying to protect yourself. You’ve been surviving for so long, you don’t even know what it looks like to trust someone until it’s too late.”
A soft sound broke from Kath’s throat, part sob, part laugh—bitter and small.
“And now I’ve ruined the only thing that ever felt real,”
she whispered.
Tammy didn’t rush to comfort. She let the weight of that settle before replying, her voice like a warm blanket pulled gently over bruised skin.
“You made a mistake. A huge one. But that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love, honey. It just means you’re human. And scared. And trying.”
Another beat. A breath.
“And if he ever cared about therealyou… not just Blondie… then maybe, someday, he’ll see you’re more than the worst thing you’ve done.”
The words unraveled her. Quietly. Gently. Exactly the way she needed.
Katherine's fingers tightened around her phone, Tammy's voice suddenly sharp with purpose.
"Listen... come work for me."
She went still, her breath caught in her throat. Her mind reeled, trying to process the words that had just cut through her misery. She blinked rapidly, certain she'd misheard.
