Page 73 of Forever to Fall
Gram took her tea from Mallory and they clinked glasses. “Then it doesn’t sound like a friendship worth keeping.”
Beckett shook himself back to the present, adjusting one of the pillows on the couch to support Mallory’s neck. So much time had been wasted on not telling each other how they felt. It weighed him down, hunching his shoulders with the weight of all the what-ifs.
“We’re going to figure this out, Mal.”
Mallory let out a little snore, nestling closer to the pillows. Beckett rested his head on the edge of the couch, staying close in case she needed anything. He wasn’t going anywhere, and when the light of day hit, he would make it clear that he was done hiding from their feelings. Yes, it was a risk to dive into a relationship. He had no idea how Evan would react, but it didn’t matter. He wouldn’t put Mallory through another moment of secrets and lies. Evan would understand. Frankly, he had to.
He didn’t think their hearts could handle any more.
*
Mallory woke with acrick in her neck and the walls spinning around her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she willed her brain to put the pieces together. Why was she sleeping on the couch? Why was she still in last night’s dress? And more importantly, who was the person snoring on the floor?
As she bolted upright, two cushions landed beside her with a soft thud. Mallory rubbed the sleep from her eyes and peered over her perch to find Beckett. He was passed out, his glasses crooked and lips parted in sleep. Ginger waves fell over his forehead, and she had to ball her fist to keep from reaching out.
This didn’t make any sense. Beckett had left with CeCe’s friend. Yet again, he’d chosen to please Evan and leave her alone to deal with the emotional damage. Twisting free from her couch fort, Mallory tiptoed into the bathroom. The sight that greeted her in the mirror was worse than she could have imagined. Her mascara was smudged all over her cheeks, her breath reeked of vodka and regrets. Glancing at the time on her phone, she realized it was already nine thirty.
She thanked her forethought to take the day off work, as she wouldn’t be saving any lives in this state. After quickly brushing her teeth and splashing water on her face, she emerged to find a still-sleeping Beckett.
He looked incredibly uncomfortable sprawled out like that, but she wasn’t about to wake him. If anything, she was about to pad outside and drive out of town until she ran out of gas. How ridiculous were they? Dancing around their feelings for damn near their whole lives. The time had clearly come to break the cycle, and Mallory was the one to do it. Yes, last night had hurt. Watching him walk away broke what was left of her heart, and she couldn’t keep doing this. If for no other reason than her stomach couldn’t handle the binge drinking.
Finally, Beckett stirred, wiggling around until he finally opened his eyes. “Hey,” he said through the dwindling moments of sleep.
“Hey yourself,” she replied on a sigh. Her mother, and her sisters, had mastered the Lawson Ladies’ Look years ago, and she’d recently become very astute as well. Brow knitted, she crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “What are you doing here?”
Beckett eased himself to a more vertical position, although the grimace on his face proved he might be too old to crash on random couches—or in this case, floors. “I came to return your shoes, and to check on you. We didn’t get a chance to talk before you left.”
Mallory was incredulous. “Before I left? You make it sound like I had better plans than watching my secret boyfriend leave with another woman.”
Beckett frowned. “I’m also here to clear that whole thing up. You know I’m not into Julia, right? Christ, Mal. You really think I wanted to go out with another woman?”
“How could I think otherwise when you keep repeating this pattern?” Mallory flapped her hands between them, her charm bracelet tinkling in the quiet space.
White-hot rage bubbled up inside her, and Mallory relished the heat of anger. It felt good; she felt justified in her response. Who the hell was Beckett Fox anyway to play with her emotions like this? She was done, and it was time for him to know it.
“Repeating the pattern?”
Mallory nodded, holding up her hand as she counted down the damning evidence. “Yes, a pattern. Beckett, no one has dumped me more than you. I have a list if you’re interested.” She didn’t bother waiting for an answer before she started tallying his offenses. “First, how could we forget the homecoming dance in high school?’
“That was...” But his argument was silenced by a couch cushion to the face, Mallory wasn’t playing around.
“First, high school homecoming. No matter how many years ago that was,” she added, a smirk of satisfaction curling her lips. “And then we have every summer break of college. Each and every time we started something, you would end it.” He opened his mouth to interrupt, but the look on her face silenced him. “And how could we forget Gram’s funeral? I show up to give you support, to have you lean on me while you grieve, and you leave with Evan for a night on the town with who the hell knows. If that wasn’t painful enough, we finally come to a truce, to a way to be together. And at the first test of Evan’s meddling, you’re off like a shot with another woman. I cannot keep this going, Beckett. It’s exhausting being your second choice. I must have enough pride to stop this.” A tear fell down her cheek, and Mallory angrily swiped it away. “I think I deserve better than this. It’s killing me.”
“I’ve got nothing of value to say to that argument. You make some good points, Mal, but that isn’t the whole story.”
She threw her arms wide in invitation. “Then enlighten me, Beckett. Tell me why I’m not worth the risk.”
“Don’t you get it? Don’t you see?” Beckett’s voice cracked on the question, his bottom lip quivering despite his best efforts. His pale skin was blotchy with red patches sweeping up to meet the frame of his glasses.
Mallory exhaled, striving to keep herself calm. She had an encyclopedia’s worth of facts to spew, but now wasn’t the time. Now was the time for Beckett’s truth. “What is it? What don’t I see?”
Beckett paced around her, his hands alternating between balling to fists and running through his hair. The red curls were a mess, and she yearned to reach out and smooth them back; yearned to smooth his rough edges so he didn’t carry this pain anymore. This shared pain was tearing them apart.
“You’re all I have left,” he finally said, voice low and worn with emotion. “You, Evan, hell, even the Lawson family. That’s all I’ve got now.”
“Don’t you see? You’ve already had us.”
“No.” He laughed, but there wasn’t an ounce of humor in it. “I don’t, Mal. Because either way, I’m losing someone. I’m either telling my best friend I broke the bro code two decades ago and love his sister, or I’m telling you that I can’t be with you for fear of losing my buddy. How freaking sad is that?” He threw his arms up, the air between them charged as if lightning were about to strike. “I’ve been beating myself up over this for years. I always thought I’d figure it out. Keep my friendship with Ev, but have you in my life.”
