Page 151 of Fierce-Matt
Talk about hitting the brakes on her anger train.
“You know how to deflate a balloon fast,” she said.
“I’m speaking the truth,” he said. “I’ve never meant to hurt you in life, but I have. A lot. I was young and stupid and didn’t see what was in front of me then. My eyes are open now. I’d never want to hurt you again. The fact that I did and wasn’t even aware is breaking my heart.”
His eyes were glossy, his cheeks red. He looked about as tired as she felt.
She’d be willing to bet he slept as little as she had.
She was wrong this time to have put this off.
“I’m sorry. I should have talked to you last night. I wasn’t hiding. I was processing. Not everyone can figure it out right away. I didn’t want to talk until I worked it out in my head. Ididn’t want to say something I didn’t mean and cause a bigger blow up. Like what I said in the office and then left.”
“I thought of us as kids. That you always walked away and never said a word. You didn’t do that yesterday. You were mad and if you’d acted like that years ago, I would have realized what I was doing upset you.”
“I didn’t have the confidence to do it then. I spent too much of my life trying to escape conflict. I didn’t want to risk not being welcome in your house if you and I were fighting.”
He never once thought of it that way.
His arms twitched as if he wanted to hug her, but he didn’t make a move. “You’re not like that anymore and neither am I.”
“No. It’s not healthy. Not for anyone.” She let out a snort. “I thought to myself the other day that if I could have picked out the perfect man and give them the characteristics I always wanted, it’d be you. That things were going so well. I got ahead of myself.”
“No, you didn’t,” he said. “Things are going well. Not everything will be perfect all the time.”
“And that is what I told myself last night. You can’t grow without joint pain. Your mother made a comment about how far we’ve come and grown. It would have never happened if we didn’t fight or do things to upset the other. It’s unrealistic to think we’d both be perfect every day moving forward.”
“No one would ever say I’m perfect,” he said.
She moved closer to him and put her arms around his waist. “You are to me. Even your flaws. You make me laugh. You made me cry last night.”
“Shit,” he said. “I don’t ever want to do that again.”
He leaned down to kiss her forehead.
“Matt. Life is messy. We’ve said it before. People in love cry and laugh, they swear and they take punches.”
He laughed. “I’m going to remind you of that for the next fifty years.”
“Only fifty?” she asked.
“As long as I’m on this earth with you,” he said. “I’m going to tell you how much I love you. How much you mean to me and that you can trust me with everything you’ve got.”
She lifted her head to look into his eyes. “And I’ll tell you the same. I love you, Matt. And I’m sorry for being a fool yesterday.”
“I love you too, Anya. I’m sorry you were a fool yesterday too.”
She laughed and poked his side. “That’s not an apology.”
“But it made you laugh. And you just said you loved that about me. But truly, I’m sorry I put a crack in your trust of me.”
“That’s on me,” she said. “Not you. I mean it.”
“We can agree we are both at fault,” he said. “Just like we are both in love with the other. How does that sound?”
“That sounds perfect!”
“You two look so cute over there,” Jolene yelled. “Go take the day off, Anya. I’m having a blast. I’ll cover your shift.”
