Page 68 of Her Lion of a Duke
Her shoulders relaxed, and she took a seat, but her gaze was still wary.
“It is me,” he continued. “I have been trying to tell you, but I did not know how. The fortune teller made me realize that I cannot wait any longer, however.”
Already, he could see Henry out of the corner of his eye. He willed him to disappear, just this once.
“What is it?” Cecilia asked, following his gaze.
“It is Henry. I… I see him sometimes.”
“In your dreams?”
“In my study.”
Cecilia looked around, but of course, his brother was not truly there. She looked back at Leonard, confusion flickering in her eyes.
“I am a madman.” He laughed bitterly, raking a hand through his hair. “It has been like this since his death. He comes to me, and I talk to him. I know I am imagining him, and I am crazy for it, but I do not know how to make it stop. It does not matter what I do, or how I try to distract myself, he is always—he is always there. The only time I have any respite is when I am with you.”
She remained still for a moment, and then she rose from her seat. Leonard wondered if she was going to leave the room, pack her belongings, and make good on her promise to her parents by returning to them.
Instead, she rounded the desk and lowered herself on his lap, holding him close.
“You never got to say goodbye, did you?” she asked. “He simply disappeared, and you never got to say anything to him. It is no wonder that you cannot let him go.”
She had seen right through him once again.
“I want to. I want to make him go away, but he will not leave. I do not know what to do. If I tell anyone, they will lock me away. They probably should.”
“That is nonsense. He was your older brother, Leonard. You needed him then, and you need him now. It is your way of still having him to guide you, and there is no insanity in that. Believe me, I do not see you any differently.”
Of all the reactions he had expected, understanding was not one of them. Accepting, perhaps, or resignation, but notthat.
“I should not need him. I am a man, and I am now older than he ever was. I should know far more than him.”
“Perhaps you do, but you still need him. I am older than Beatrice, and still, there are times when I need her. If this is something you cannot rid yourself of, why are you trying so hard to fight it? If you ask me, it is wonderful that you can remember him so vividly after all this time. He would be proud of you, you know?”
Leonard chuckled sadly. Henry would not have been proud of him. If he were still alive, he would find fault with everything he was doing.
At least, the version of Henry that he imagined did.
“Have you always been spiritual?” he asked.
“I have, yes. Many people think it is the work of the devil, but I do not see how our own palms could be anything like that. If they are, then surely we are all demons, no?”
She raised her palm, and he pressed his own to it. Her hand was small, dainty, but it burned into him. He relished her touch, which was why he did not point out that she was still sitting in his lap. They remained there for a while, neither saying a word.
For the first time in years, Henry disappeared without Leonard having to walk out of the study.
“Are you certain that I am not mad?” he whispered into her hair.
“We all are,” she murmured, “but that is nothing new to me. I think that we are all the better for it.”
Leonard chuckled, and eventually he could feel Cecilia grow heavier against him. She had fallen asleep, and he did not dare wake her. Instead, he carried her to her bedchambers, gently laid her in her bed, and kissed her forehead.
He could not believe his luck.
CHAPTER 24
Cecilia felt so guilty when she woke up that it was almost suffocating.
