Page 88 of Copper Script
Aaron waited for her to leave with what felt like glaringly obvious awkwardness.He went to lock and bolt the door.Then he turned, found Joel right behind him with open arms, and walked into them.
“Jesus,” he said into the mop of copper hair.“Jesus Christ.Thank you, thank you.”
“I have never been more frightened in my fucking life,” Joel said into his shirt.“Yourwriting.”
“I didn’t know whether to write it and risk you coming here, or refuse and have him put a bullet in my head there and then.I thought you’d realise, but I was so afraid you wouldn’t.”
“Course I saw it.Not a sodding idiot,” Joel mumbled.“Did he hurt you?”
“He was waiting for you to arrive before he did that.”
“Shit.Shit.And what now?”
“He’s finished,” Aaron said.“He wouldn’t have come here like this otherwise.It’s only a question of how much damage he does on the way down, but that’s not my problem any more.”
“No.What happened?”
Aaron sighed.“A bloody awful couple of hours with a variety of increasingly senior people wanting to know why I hadn’t handled it all better and how I let you give the evidence to the press.Apparently I should have reported all my suspicions from the beginning.I asked, ‘Like Sergeant Josling did in Soho?’, which went down poorly.”
Joel cackled.“Nice.”
“Your pernicious influence.This whole thing is going to be a frantic flurry of finding someone to blame.The high-ups will say I should have spoken out earlier, while the rank and file will call me a snout even if Colthorne is found guilty in court.I didn’t feel inclined to stick around for punishment.”
“I don’t blame you.”Joel’s arms were warm and tight around Aaron’s waist.“But I’m sorry.”
“No, it was time.My work was feeling increasingly like an exercise in compromise and hypocrisy.Too many things I wasn’t letting myself see in order to keep the faith.I believe in what I was doing, trying to do, but that’s not enough.”
“No,” Joel said.“I wondered if you’d want to stay and change things.”
“I wish I could, but that ship has sailed.I’ve brought down a copper, and no matter how he deserved it, that won’t be forgotten by the men on the ground, still less the ones in charge.Six years of my life, my father—well.It’s over, and that’s all there is to it.”
“I’m sorry.Or, I’m not sorry you’ve left, but I wish it had been on your terms.”
Aaron held on for a moment longer, then loosened his grip and stepped back a little so he could see Joel’s face.“We got Colthorne, though, and, as a philosopher once told me, you should take your wins where you can.So here we are, and now I need to reconsider a lot of things about my life.”
“Such as what?”
“Such as how you can stay in it,” Aaron said.“I’ve been thinking about what you said, how you were tired of living with things.I’ve been doing that too, and only barely at that.I haven’t felt like a person for so long, and then you came along with your ridiculous talent and your appalling attitude and your hair.And—Christ, Joel.I spent three hours lying on the floor thinking I was going to die tonight, and I realised that you were what I’d miss.I was terrified at the evenings I wouldn’t have with you, the meals we wouldn’t eat together, the things we wouldn’t see.It was unbearable.I want those things.Can we have them?”
“Excuseme,” Joel said.“I had to whistle up a lot of coppers and get from King’s Cross to Lisson Grove with your bloody letter screaming at me, not knowing if we’d be in time, and you thinkyouwere terrified?AndI had a breakdown in Angelo’s while I waited, but he was very nice about it.So yes, let’s have meals and evenings, and also nights and breakfasts and everything else.Because I’m sodding sick of losing things, and I’m not losing you if I can help it.”
“No, you’re not,” Aaron said hoarsely, and kissed him.
A short but intense period later, they ended up on the sofa, Aaron finger-combing Joel’s hair, barely believing that they were together, touching.It felt like relief from a pain that had lasted so long, he didn’t know what it was like not to feel it.
“You did all this,” he said softly.“You changed everything.I’m so damned lucky I met you.”
“You should thank your cousin Paul,” Joel said.“Or maybe not.I don’t know if you saw the papers?”
“You throwing him to the wolves?I did.Good work.”
“I’d say it was an unfortunate necessity, but actually I enjoyed every minute of it.”
“God bless you.Will you stay tonight?”
Joel looked up, ochre eyes wide.“Can I?”
“Yes.Nobody could expect you to return home alone, and to hell with it anyway.Stay with me, Joel.I want to go to sleep with you next to me, and find out what it’s like to wake up with you.I’m quite sure you’re foul-tempered.”
