Joel shrugged, feeling Aaron’s arm shift over him.“If you happen to be passing.”
“I wish I might be.That was the most—oh, the most generous night I’ve ever spent.You’re astonishing.But...you know my job.”
“Of course I do.I did.”
“That’s mine to worry about,” Aaron added quickly.“Not your concern.But it doesn’t make anything easier, I’m about to be in a devil of a mess, and I don’t think there’s any way I can have something that lasts longer than an evening.”
“Of course not.”
“I’m sorry.I didn’t consider—”
“Nothing to consider,” Joel said before this got even more embarrassing.“I made a pass, not a proposal.If you want to do this again, you know where I live, and if you don’t, no hard feelings.”
“Right.”
Well, Joel had managed to ruin a perfectly lovely interlude very effectively.He glared at his side view of Aaron’s chest.
“I’m sorry,” Aaron said again.“Do you want me to go?”
He did, actually.He wanted Aaron to piss off and leave him alone with his humiliation at having made and voiced a silly assumption.And Aaron doubtless knew it because the tension was back in his tone, and Joel could tell him to piss off now and he’d leave and never come back.And then at least Joel would be able to tell himself he’d told Aaron to piss off, rather than being rejected, which would make all the difference.
Grow up, you ridiculous child.
“Ah, not yet,” he said.“I’m too comfortable.You make a good pillow.”
“Pillow?”
“A very manly sort of pillow.Full of muscles.It’s like lying on a sack of walnuts, actually, not comfortable at all.”
“All right, all right,” Aaron muttered, and Joel felt him relax a fraction.“You’re remarkably easygoing.”
“No, I’m not.I’m a stroppy bitch.”
“Also that.I meant—well, thank you for understanding my position.”
“Oh, well.Better to take what you can get and enjoy it than sulk because there’s not more.”
Aaron’s arm tightened.“That’s not right.”
“It’s how it is.You know that as well as I do, Mr.Detective Sergeant.”
“Yes.”Pause.“I suppose you think I’m hell’s own hypocrite.”
Joel attempted a shrug.“You’re hardly the only one.I know a lad who services a High Court Judge weekly.He dresses up in a garter belt and stockings—the judge, not the lad—and gets spanked.Then he sods off back to the Bench and sentences people.”
Aaron exhaled long and hard.“It’s contemptible.I know.”
“A bit, but what’s the option?And anyway, this country runs on hypocrisy like a motor-car on petrol.I don’t see why you have to be better than anyone else.”
“Because I’ve taken on a job that involves enforcing the law on other people.You can’t justifiably do that and break them in your spare time.”
“Bad lawsoughtto be broken,” Joel said.“First, because obeying bad laws is a mug’s game, and second, because if nobody breaks them, why would anyone see the need to change them?”
“Change?”
“If enough people sayI’m not doing it your way, they’ll sodding have to change it, won’t they?It’s like you said about the police.If people stop agreeing to be ruled, the authorities have a problem.”
“That’s true, but—”