Page 43 of A Scot for Bethan
“Did you stop taking the draughts when we set off for Crois Dhubh?” he asked slowly.
Bethan froze as Cameron’s meaning hit her. She’d stopped taking the draughts the day she’d received the letter informing her of the arrival of the Scots. It was one thing preventing her lovers’ seed from taking root, but she did not want to prevent her lawfully wedded husband from making her with child. Like most women, she wanted children. Only, she wanted legitimate children who would not suffer from her folly so she’d made sure to follow her friend’s instructions to the letter. But knowing she wouldn’t need it any longer, she’d left her pouch of herbs behind when they’d set off for Crois Dhubh.
Which meant she had been unprotected when she had welcomed Cameron inside her body.
She looked at him, trying not to let her dismay show. Up until then it had never even crossed her mind that their fiery encounters could bear fruit. Used to knowing she had theprotection of the herbs, she had never stopped her lovers from reaching their pleasure inside her body. Undeniably, this time she had been foolishly complacent. But her lovemaking with Cameron had been so overwhelming, it had felt so inevitable, she had not stopped to think it could end up in a disaster.
With her other lovers, she had not let herself be carried away thus. It had been completely different. She had selected them, lured them in, chosen the right moment to join them in bed, and she’d prepared herself in advance in accordance withMistress Elen’s advice. With Cameron, things had escaped her control. Their lovemaking had been raw, animalistic, a claiming, nothing like the careful seduction she was used to. There had been nothing premeditated about it, it had been a call of the senses. The first time he had taken her up against a wall, for goodness’ sake! Reason, restraint, caution, everything had been burned away by need. All that had counted had been desire. Even afterward, in her bed, it had been all about passion and pleasure. And she hadn’t thought about the consequences.
Dear God.
Considering how virile Cameron was and how many times he’d taken her, it would be a miracle if she was not with child. Dare she hope the effect of the herbs had still not vanished from her body? Of course not. Almost two months had passed since she had received the letter. Mistress Elen had been very clear. They only worked if you took them regularly, and even then, accidents could happen.
So what if she was with child? What would she do?
“You’ll have to marry me if you are carrying my child,” Cameron said slowly. It was as if he’d heard her question and didn’t want her to wonder what would happen for longer than necessary.
“I… Marry you?”
“Aye, don’t think I will not face my responsibilities.”
“I’m thinking nothing of the sort.” Still, it was a bit hasty, was it not?
And then it hit her like a bolt of lightning. What appeared hasty to her wouldn’t to someone who’d premeditated the whole thing.
“Bethan? What is it?” Cameron asked, worry etched on his face. “Are you all right?”
No, she was not all right, and she could well imagine all color had drained from her face. But his concern only brought bile toher throat. He dared act solicitously when he was just like the others.
How had she not seen he was not really interested inher, only in her money? The clues had been there, even if she had missed them. He had come to her barely two days after his nephew’s funeral, when it had been established she was no longer a poor woman. He had repeatedly taken her that day, first in the room at the back of the solar and then in bed, and yet he had never once seemed worried about the consequences or apologized for his lack of control. He had insisted on going with her all the way to Wales so as to keep an eye on her and see if she missed her courses when surely, as laird, his presence was required in Scotland. He had not tried to touch her since they’d left, hoping he had already done what was needed to get her with child and wouldn’t have to renew an experience that had only been a means to an end.
How could she have been so stupid?
“You never wanted me,” she said in a deathly voice. “You’re only after my new fortune.”
Cameron looked as if she had slapped him. “What? No! I swear.” When she made to turn away, he grabbed her by the shoulders to force her to look at him. His eyes had gone dark with intent. “How can you even think this? I did want you, more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life, I still want you. How can you doubt it, after what happened in the solar? In your bed afterward? Of have you forgotten all that?”
Forgotten? How could she have forgotten the best moments of her life? But now she was finding out that she had been the only one swept away in the moment, whereas all the while he’d had an ulterior motive.
“Oh, no I haven’t forgotten!” she cried out, pushing him away so she could scramble back to her feet. She could not stay so close to him, she could not let his proximity blunt her fury orblur her understanding. “But all that happenedafteryou had found out Dougal had written his will in my favor. Once I was a rich woman. Just like Donald and Malcolm McDonald, you hoped to?—”
“No!” Cameron repeated, before shooting back to his feet in turn. “I’m nothing like those bastards, do you hear! Look me in the eye and tell me I forced you into anything, if you dare.”
She could not do that because he had not forced her in any way. But how could she believe he had not used the desire she felt for him to his advantage? He had been awfully quick to offer a solution to her predicament, had he not, a predicament they weren’t even sure she was in. No sooner had she mentioned the draughts—or lack thereof—than he had told her she would have to marry him. A normal man would have panicked at the idea that their single night of passion might have borne fruit, asked her if she could be mistaken, done anything to convince her—and themselves—that it might not come to that.
Cameron had simply said she would have to marry him. It was hard not to think it was what he’d been hoping for all along.
There was only one thing to do. She had to lie, leave him under no illusion that he would get his way.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you but there is no chance that I am carrying your bastard.” They both winced at the word, but she carried on. “I never stopped taking the draughts, because I wanted time to get to know Dougal before I gave birth to his child. I had planned to stop only when I felt comfortable in my new life.” Would he believe her? It was not impossible. He did not know about her desire for children, and it would make sense that she would wait until she had found her place at Crois Dhubh to become a mother. “So you see, there will be no need to marry me. I’m afraid you will have to find yourself another rich wife.”
“I don’t want a wife, rich or otherwise!” he roared. “If I did, I would be married by now, don’t you think? I’m one and thirty,for heavens’ sake, not twenty! Bethan. Listen to me. I did not rape you, or abduct you, or bed you just to get you with child, and I care not about your money. I am nothing like the men who are after you.” He had never sounded so irate, so bitter at the same time. “I went to you because I could not resist you a moment longer, nothing more. But if you are with child, then of course we will have to marry. It’s the only honorable thing to do.”
“Listen toyou, Cameron!” Bethan was angry and bitter herself. “How am I supposed to believe you want me? You tell me you do not want a wife, and then in the same breath you tell me we’ll have to marry all the same. This is not what a woman wants to hear.” Not what she wanted to hear, anyway.
“How about the connection between us? Do not deny that it exists. It was there from the moment we met. That night at the tavern, you wanted me as much as I wanted you.”
“Yes. I did,” she acknowledged brazenly. She would not let him place the blame on her or make her feel ashamed. “And you knew it. Yet you did not touch me, did not kiss me. Until I became a rich woman, you had no difficulty keeping your urges under control. You did not act on your desire for me.”
