Page 77 of The Second Chance Cinema
Drake sat behind her on the couch and cleared his throat. When she turned, he patted the space next to him. “There’s one more thing I need to tell you,” he said.
Ellie accepted the spot. “What’s that?” she asked.
Drake took a sip of his coffee. “We need to finally address what happened that night with Ben. It’s time, Ellie. You need to stop beating yourself up about it.”
“Yeah. Well, that’s a nice idea.”
“I think that what you need is … I think you need to give yourself permission to move on. You don’t have to forget Ben, but it’s time to start loosening your grip. Letting go.”
“I have zero clue how to do that,” Ellie told him.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and I have an idea,” Drake said. “If you trust me.”
34
The cemetery’s entrance was bleaker than Ellie remembered. New snow covered the red bricks, and grass hibernated under an endless white landscape accentuated by the dramatic blue sky. The tires caught a patch of ice as Drake steered them into a parking space. He hadn’t told her where they were going, but she’d had a gut feeling this was it.
“Is this okay with you?” he asked. “Coming here.”
“Yeah,” Ellie said. “I mean, I would’ve preferred brunch, but—”
“We could visit another time. If you’re not ready.”
“No.” Ellie turned the music down a little. “I want to do this.” She could feel herself stalling. “I mean,wantis a strong word.” The actual headstone was what she dreaded most. In her mind, she’d always pictured a fake version, like something from the Halloween store. Facing Ben’s name etched in stone, lodged in the frozen earth, would make it all real. Still, as hard as it would be to see, hadn’t she learned that not knowing was worse? She had already confronted the worst night of her life at the cinema. She’d survived it. “I’m ready,” Ellie said.
Drake opened her car door for her, then headed to the trunk. The wind was strong; Ellie could hear different tones in it. Behind her, the trunk whooshed open. Snow glued itself to her black tights as she followed the path Drake’s shoes forged. When she reached his side, he concealed whatever he had taken out of the trunk under his coat and offered up his left arm for support.
“I brought something for Ben,” he said. “It’s not flowers.”
Ellie rested her head against him as they walked into the distance. She was clueless about the actual location of the grave, but Drake’s footsteps were purposeful. Two people waited at the edge of the cemetery far from the main road. Ellie’s fingers clenched as they came into view. She stopped walking.
“You invited my dad?” she asked. Naomi waved in the distance. “And Naomi.Naomi. What is this, Drake? An intervention? A séance?”
“We can still turn around.” His grip was firm on her shoulders. “But I know you can handle this, Ellie. It’s time.” She tried to worm her way out of his grasp. He pulled her closer. “I’m here with you.” Drake’s words were soft. “We can do this together.”
A new voice caused them both to turn back toward the car: “Sorry I’m late!” Sandra wore a floor-length black coat that looked surreal dragging along the winter landscape. Her dyed blonde hair was held back by a sheepskin hat, and as usual, her makeup was pristine. “Ellie,” she said. “How are you? Did you like the gift?”
Ellie sighed. It was so like her mom to bring up a gift at the most inopportune time. “Yes, Mom,” she said, though she still hadn’t opened it. “I loved it.”
“You did?” Sandra pulled Ellie close and whispered right in her ear. “It’s time you had it,” she said.
After the five of them said their hellos and exchanged hugs, they huddled around the headstone together.
BEN MARSHALL
1985–2007
A LOVING SON AND KIND BROTHER.
YOU’LL STAY IN OUR HEARTS.
Drake thought the whole thing was going well so far. It had been easier than he expected to get her parents there. Callingthem individually and admitting that he thought Ellie needed this closure was enough. Despite her constant monologue about how they didn’t care, they’d shown up on time, without judgment.
William suggested they take turns addressing Ben. Since no one else piped in to start, Drake broke the ice. “Hey, Ben,” he said, taking a step closer to the headstone. Ellie’s family turned their attention to him. “It’s great to finally meet you.”
Drake started to regret his bravery. He was the only one who hadn’t met Ben. He probably shouldn’t have volunteered to go first. “I, uh, didn’t know you, but it’s been incredible to learn more about you lately. I think that so many things I love about Ellie are hijinks she picked up from you.”Hijinks, meaning rulebreaking, might have been the wrong thing to say with her parents present. Drake glanced between William and Sandra.
Neither of them seemed offended, and William used Drake’s hesitation as his cue to take over. “You know, I say that I’m out there, in the woods, building this life I love. And that’s true.” The squeeze he gave Naomi’s hand was so slight that Drake almost missed it. “But I think the truth is also, it was too hard to keep going on like everything was fine when …” William nodded. Naomi patted his shoulders. “When you were gone,” he said, then looked right at Ellie. “But I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you.” The wind howled. Sandra cleared her throat to speak. “I was going to bring flowers,” she said. “Then, I thought, you don’t need flowers. I realized the flowers have always been for me. I want it to seem like I’m holding it together. But what you really need, is us to be here for you. To remember you.”
