Page 78 of The Second Chance Cinema
Sandra pulled her hat down on her head. Ellie inched closer to her mom, and she started to speak. “Hey, Ben. It’s good to see you. I’m sorry I haven’t visited before. Avoiding. That’s what I do best. Not grief.” Ellie paused. Across the huddle, her dad motioned for her to keep going. “Listen, I’m so sorry for what happened that night. For someone who loves the past, I’ve triedreally hard to push my own away. But the truth is, I could never push you away. You are the inspiration for my life’s work, Ben. Because I save places that are special. Places that are beautiful and quirky and wonderful. Places that remind me of you. Places that deserve a second chance. Because I couldn’t save you.”
William moved over to put his arm around Ellie.
“I’ve spent the last years punishing myself for what happened. I could’ve called faster. I could’ve not asked you for a ride at all. I could’ve not pointed out that the light was green …” Ellie was stumbling. She paused to find clarity. “But I think maybe I also feel this way because if I’m to blame, then there’s something to point to. It’s somehow, in this super messed-up way, easier than thinking that the world just takes the people we love from us in an unexpected moment. Eating french fries or listening to cheesy college radio. This thought that people I love could be gone at any moment is so terrifying that it makes me hide away.”
This time, Ellie’s mom moved closer.
“Because I miss you so much.” Her voice was shaking.
“You’ve got this, Ellie,” Drake said.
“But I think, what I need, Ben, are other people,” she was louder now. “I need to stop believing that losing you is all mine. Losing you is all of ours. And I love you. We love you. We love you so much, Ben.”
Ellie broke down. She felt her head in her dad’s hands and her mom’s nails running up and down her back. Naomi and Drake moved in, too. The tears fell fast. Sandra made humming sounds, not to quiet but to soothe, and Ellie cried harder at the revelation that her mother could—on rare occasions—nurture her.
Sandra broke off from the group first. She touched the stone with her hand, then bent down to get a better look. “It’s not exactly right, is it?” she admitted, cutting through the tears. “The epitaph. I wrote it in the middle of everything, but I’m worried it doesn’t suit him.”
“Maybe it’s a little plain,” William agreed.
“I’m pretty sure it’s a Phil Collins song,” Ellie said, trying to pull herself together.
“Not exactly,” Drake added. “But close.”
Ellie spread her hands out, as if quoting something. “How about, Ben Marshall: Mischievous brother and kindhearted troublemaker.”
“A loving, goofy, stretcher of truths,” William piped in.
“A wonderful son and window–escape artist,” Sandra added, and gave Ellie a knowing look. “Oh, don’t act surprised, Ellie. I saw everything.”
For some reason, all of them found this terrifically funny.
They told stories about Ben until the sun began to set. Ellie explained that, on one of their many nights escaping through the window, they drove three hours to stand on the state lines. Ben made them do all kinds of tricks with the goal of breaking a world record: the most cartwheels on a state line or most pretzels eaten on a state line. Sandra brought up a year when Ellie and Ben turned the guest bedroom into a haunted house for Halloween without telling her, and she’d walked in to find it covered in cobwebs and Victorian dolls.
When the sky stretched into different shades of orange, Drake brought out what he’d grabbed from the back of the trunk. It was a black tape player like the one Ben had brought to the abandoned mansion. He set it in Ellie’s hands.
“What is this?” Ellie asked.
“Maybe … Maybe this will help you stay connected to Ben.” He pulled her close. “I mean I know he’s nothere, here. But after all those years of trying to forget, maybe it’s time to remember.”
“Drake,” she said, beginning to tear up again. “Thank you for doing this.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s everything. I mean, how can I thank you for bringing—”
“Easy,” he told her. “Just press Play.”
Ellie pressed her thumb down. David Bowie’s opening to “Oh! You Pretty Things” came through the speakers. The music moved its way into the cracks of the earth around Ben’s grave, floated above their heads, and spread out and around to mingle with the ghosts. It was the same song that played so many years ago on the night when Ellie learned a powerful lesson.
Visiting people, and places, could keep them from being forgotten.
35
On the morning of what would be their last movie, the cinema was far from Ellie’s mind. Instead, all she could think about was the exhilarating call she’d just received.
Despite her usual resistance to Christmas—and the fact that it was now January—she wanted their house to feel festive when she told Drake what she’d learned that morning. What better way to deliver good news than under the soft lighting of an ornamentclad tree? So, while most responsible people tucked their lights and garlands back into the trenches of the garage, Ellie pulled their box labeledCHRISTMAS!out and shopped for a few finishing touches on clearance.
The cinnamon broom caught on their door as she dragged it inside; the slightly stale scent of the holidays clung to its dry branches. A fire blazed beneath the television set, and Bing Crosby joined her as she wrapped two boxes for Drake. Once the bows were on, Ellie turned their living room into a wonderland. She placed a committee of Nutcrackers on the mantel next to curious, sparkly reindeer. Green and red candles illuminated the hard surfaces, and 1950sstyle ornaments dangled from a tree relieved to be out of its box. The final touch was the Christmas village, which Ellie arranged over a blanket of cotton snow on the coffee table. Happy and exhausted, she sank into the couch and waited for Drake to come home.
