Page 20 of One More Day
And then she asked if Max is missing her. And if I’d heard from Rebecca. She said she wishes Rebecca was with me for Christmas.
Oh God, so do I.
I hope I’m not being selfish. Maybe I am being selfish.
I adore Helena. I really do. But I just need quiet right now. I want to listen to the clock tick, to the dog snore, to someclassical music or the light wind rustle outside and forget this gnawing pain inside of me.
In fact, scrap that. I just want to listen to the silence and absorb all the stepping stones that got me to this very moment. How did it come to this, just me and my dog in Donegal at Christmas? How did I get here? How did my potentially perfect life, if such a thing exists, end up like this?
I miss my daughter. I miss her little hand in mine, her face looking up to me. I miss picking her up from school, and hearing all about her day. I miss her temper tantrums and how she’d tell her mother one thing and me another just to get her own way.
I need her in my life.
But those wants or needs, whatever they are, are pushed to the back of my mind at least for now when the owner of the cottage, Rusty, turns up again all a fluster. He is very sorry. He has a favour to ask. It’s just for one night. And that’s a promise.
‘No, no, I don’t mind at all,’ I tell Rusty, feeling my stomach swirl and my head thump as I stand in the hallway. I really wish he’d step inside to let me close the door so I can keep in the heat, but he insists he isn’t staying.
‘I really appreciate this, Charlie,’ he says as the snowflakes catch his beard. ‘I’m as perturbed as you are over this mix-up. Well. Maybe not, but you know what I mean.’
He does look very sorry.
‘If it’s only for one night, I’m sure we can manage,’ I tell him as he blows into his hands. ‘Are you sure you won’t come in?’
‘I’m not staying. I’m already late with getting back home.’
‘OK, well, I’ve had a good look around the cottage and, as your wife rightly said, it’s only made for one person – or two if they’re sharing as a couple. There’s only one bed, so I guess I’ll—’
‘Rose is adamant she’ll take the sofa,’ he insists, and I get the vibe that he isn’t in the mood to argue. ‘She’s very understanding and very, very embarrassed, as I’m sure you can imagine. I’ve promised I’ll have the car going by tomorrow and if not I’ll …’
He trails off and looks over his shoulder, back to his pick-up truck where I see Rose staring ahead as the snow drifts down more heavily. I know absolutely nothing about her, yet I feel sorry for her again, just as I did earlier.
‘It’s fine, I’m fine with this for one night, but after that …’ I tell the man who looks like he really could do with some peace in his life right now as much as the rest of us. ‘Look, we’ll manage. It’s no problem whatsoever. Let me help her in with her luggage. It’s fine. It’s just one night.’
I can hear my ex, Clodagh’s voice again in my head.
Yes, help the lady with her luggage. Pretend it’s all OK even though it isn’t. Whatever you do, don’t say how you really feel, Charlie. Don’t say how much you really wanted to be alone. Tiptoe around a stranger’s problems, but bottle up your own.
Max barks in Rose’s direction, and it’s then I see the giant ball of fluff bouncing around in the front seat beside her in the pick-up truck.
Ah.
‘Yes, there’s the small matter of the big dog too,’ says Rusty. ‘Look, I’d take them both to my own house to staybut things are – well, let’s just say this might be the lesser of two evils. I’ll make sure you’re properly reimbursed for all this inconvenience, Charlie. I’ll knock this night off the bill, OK? Just one night.’
‘Just one night,’ I echo, nudging the man back towards his vehicle and to the woman who I know is probably as annoyed about this mess as I am right now, even though I’m doing my best to hide it.
I know I offered this very option earlier, but now that it’s happening, it’s not how I’d envisaged my time here, especially not my first night. I was just about settling in. I’d piled up the fire with smouldering turf, I’d poured a glass of red wine and I’d taken the huge decision to put my phone on silent to avoid any further disturbance. Yet now, even before I’ve cooked my first meal here, I’m asked to share my space with a total stranger.
You bring this all upon yourself, Charlie. That’s what you get for always trying to save everyone and everything. Save it for your day job.
I hear Clodagh’s voice again which makes me even more determined to shake off my self-pity and just get through this rather bumpy start to my peaceful getaway.
‘I’m so very sorry,’ Rose tells me when Rusty is gone and it’s just the two of us in the living area with our two dogs who are sniffing around each other cautiously. It’s not a very big space, just enough room for the two sofas which are covered in too many floral cushions, a coffee table piled with magazines and a TV in the corner, all set on an old-style terracottatiled floor. ‘I won’t even speak. I won’t utter a single word if it makes it easier for you.’
‘I don’t expect you not to speak.’
‘I just need some rest and some warmth, and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as Rusty gets my car sorted tomorrow,’ she says, doing her best to make light of it all. ‘Pretend I’m not here, if that’s possible. I’m totally mortified.’
As if I could pretend she isn’t here when she looks like she has just stepped out of the 1950s, and has a large black and white shaggy dog panting around her.
