Page 54 of A Miracle on Hope Street
‘Wow, Ruth, fair play to you on pulling this all together. I’m really proud of you and pleased for you at the same time. This is the right thing to do and a good time of year to do it. The season of goodwill, eh?’
I’m at my desk, filing this week’s column and my last one this side of Christmas, but I’m almost done. My radio show has been paused until after the holidays so I’m free from that and I realise that once I press send on this copy, I’m on my Christmas holidays until it’s time to write up the feature on what I’ve learned from hosting a Christmas dinner with a difference. I’m probably just as sad and lonely as the rest of them all put together.
‘I’m finishing up here very shortly,’ I say to him. ‘When are you leaving to meet Liam’s mum?’
Liam’s mum. I realise I don’t even know the woman’s name and I have no idea yet as to what ever happened between them. I just wish he would tell me why he left and it might help me understand the bigger picture.
‘I need to leave by lunchtime but I’d love to see you quickly before that if possible? I’m so pleased for you, Ruth,’ he says. ‘Would you mind if I popped over?’
‘Not at all,’ I say, unable to fight off the smile that creeps over my face and the warmth in my heart that only he can bring, thinking that he wants to see me. ‘It would be great to have a bit of shared moral support before we face up to whatever today will bring.’
‘Brilliant, I’ll be there shortly,’ says Michael, and by the time I finish up at the computer, freshen myself up with a sweep of lipstick, make a pot of coffee and give myself a generous spray of perfume, the doorbell rings and he’s here. And I can’t wait to see him.
He looks very dapper in his soft dark green jumper and navy jeans and he smells delicious too, even nicer than usual.
‘I’ve made some coffee, I’ll just grab us some,’ I say to him. ‘Make yourself at home. Are you nervous about today?’
‘I’m totally bricking it,’ he says to me in reply from the dining room to the kitchen where I pour two cups of dark, rich goodness. The smell of the coffee fills my senses. ‘Laura has been very gracious I have to say,’ he says.
Laura. So that’s her name then. It’s the first time he has said it to me and my stomach unexpectedly churns a little. Ouch.
‘She’s meeting me in a café across town – you know the place beside the library? I think it’s called Spice?’
‘Yes,’ I say to him, ignoring my brief pang of jealousy. ‘I know it, yes. Nice choice and busy too. At least if things get heated, if the noise the last time I was in there is anything to go by, no one will notice.’
That’s my attempt at a joke but when I come into the dining room with our coffees, he seems a million miles away.
‘You all right?’ I ask him. ‘It’s a big occasion today, I know it is. You’re nervous.’
‘I am,’ he says to me, taking the cup into his hands. ‘It feels right, though. I mean, how can I preach to others about being kind at Christmas and help with your dinner party for the lonely when my own flesh and blood is out there, far away from me, when all I want is to hold him close and forgive him, or in my case, be forgiven by him?’
My God I’d never even thought of it in that way. My mother . . .
‘There’s a lot on your mind too,’ he says to me.
‘There is,’ I smile in return. ‘We’re both going in the right direction, though, Michael. I’m very confident of that.’
‘Ah, Ruth, I’ve the weight of the world on my shoulders right now, to tell you the truth,’ Michael replies. ‘Until I get talking to Laura and see if there’s any hope at all in finding her forgiveness, I’ll never be able to move on. I mean, yes, I’ve moved on from what I was like this time last year, big time, but I mean in my heart, in my conscience. I’ve so much more still to deal with but this is another step, just like you said. One day at a time, step by step.’
We sit in silence, sipping our coffees, staring at the floor, staring at nothing but thinking of everything at the same time.
‘I need to pick up the turkey tomorrow and we’ll have to do the food shopping, if you’re still up for it,’ I say to him, trying to grasp a bit of practicality and forward thinking into the conversation. ‘I’ve a list of things to get through, actually. I always leave things to the last minute at Christmas. Do you too?’
He nods, still staring at the carpet.
‘I got Liam a present,’ he says. ‘I’ll give it to Laura today and see if she’ll pass it on but I wouldn’t be surprised if she throws it back in my face. I wouldn’t blame her if she does, actually.’
So much for my change in direction of conversation . . .
‘You can only do your best, Michael,’ I say to him as gently as I can. ‘Give her the present and that’s all you can do. You can’t control or anticipate her reaction, so there’s no point imagining what she’ll do or won’t do until you see her.’
He puts down his coffee and just keeps on staring into nothing.
‘There’s a big part of my story I haven’t been able to tell you yet, Ruth, but I wanted to tell you before you get to know me any further.’
He can’t look me in the eye and I fear what is going to come next. I don’t get to speak as he continues, afraid perhaps that if he stops talking he might never go through with what it is he wants to tell me.
‘I’m not even sure I deserve a second chance after being so stupid and reckless. I could have killed us all, Ruth,’ he tells me eventually.
