Page 86 of A Part of Me and You
‘You have the most amazing daughter called Rosie,’ I continue. ‘She is fifteen and she looks a lot like you and she is the most beautiful creature, just like our Lily was, and I cannot wait for you to meet her. You never knew she existed but she’s real and she’s yours and she is so wonderful.’
Matt sits down on the sofa and stares at the floor, waiting for my words to sink in.
‘I have seriously no idea what you are talking about, Shelley?’ he says to me. ‘Where did this all come from? What’s going on? Are you okay?’
Am I okay? It’s a question I have been asked so many times, but one that I definitely know the answer to now.
‘Yes, I’m okay and we are all going to be okay, I promise,’ I say to Matt. ‘Some people are blessed with just one guardian angel, Matt, but I believe that I now have three and I’m going to be okay after all.’
‘You’re talking about this woman? And her daughter? I’m lost, Shelley? I have no idea what to take from all of this.’
‘One summer in August, here in Killara, an English girl called Julie, or so you thought? You told her your name was Skipper?’
His eyes widen and his face drains of colour. I nod in acknowledgement.
‘The summer I broke up with Alicia?’
‘Now, you’re with me?’ I say to him. ‘She had a baby, Matt, all on her own over in England and that baby is Rosie and you are going to love her. I already do. I can’t wait for you to meet her. She is going to need her daddy so much and I will do my best to be a great friend to her, just as I promised her beautiful mother I would.’
Matt puts his head in his hands and I put my arm around him and lay my head on his shoulder.
I have a lot of explaining to do to my bewildered husband, but I thank God that, unlike Juliette, we have plenty of time to do all the explaining that is needed and grow together, still taking one day at a time.
And I intend to use my time on this earth very wisely from now on, because I won’t wait for tomorrow, or until I’m forty, or until I’m anything, or anywhere, anytime in the future.
I will believe every day when I wake up and feel healthy and well enough to do so, that life begins right now.
Right here, with me, right now.
Epilogue
Shelley
Christmas Day, 5 months later
It’s late in the evening and Matt is tipsy and half-asleep, Dan is tipsy and half-asleep, Eliza and my dad are having an argument over a game of Scrabble at the table while Juliette’s parents look on not knowing what to say, desperately trying to interpret the mix of Irish accents that fill their side of the room.
Helen and Brian and her boys are helping themselves to leftovers in the kitchen, still wearing their paper hats from the crackers we pulled at the table earlier and Rosie and I are on the balcony sharing a blanket around our shoulders as we look out onto the black of the sea, the moody December sky and the only light we can see is the twinkle on the lighthouse in the distance.
‘Did you have a nice day?’ I ask her, knowing that whatever her reply, there is absolutely nothing more I could have done to make this Christmas as peaceful and perfect as I possibly could.
‘Yes, it was beautiful, thank you,’ she says and she looks right at me, her green eyes full of happiness and pain all rolled into one. ‘Do you think she is watching us right now, Shelley? I really hope she’s here in some way, enjoying the day as much as we all did. She loved Christmas, especially when it snowed.’
I close my eyes and try to feel her near me. I have my own hopes too. I hope that she has found my girl like she said she would. I hope she has found my mum too and that she will let me know, just like she said she would.
‘I have no doubt she is watching our every move and trying to tell us what to do from away up there,’ I say to Rosie. ‘Bossing us around, making us laugh and pushing us to be the best we can be. I have no doubt.’
Rosie chuckles. ‘I think you’re right, she probably is,’ she says. ‘She loved Christmas so much. It’s the one time of year that will always remind me of her, no matter how old I get. Christmas was her time. I think she’d be very happy to see how much fun we had today. Thank you for having us all over for dinner and presents and all the works. It means a lot and it was a great distraction from how we would have been otherwise, sitting round the table in Helen’s and staring at an empty chair.’
‘It means a lot to us too to have you all here, believe me, Rosie,’ I say to her. ‘We’re family now so it’s the least we can do. You and Matt have a lot of catching up to do and your mum didn’t believe in wasting time, so neither should we.’
‘We do have a lot to catch up on,’ she says with a smile. ‘That day when you found me on the sand dunes … It seems now that it was all meant to be, doesn’t it?’
‘Maybe it was. Do you believe in angels, Rosie?’ I ask her and she shrugs.
‘I dunno. I would like to believe that something makes things happen for the greater good,’ she says. ‘I sometimes like to think of my mum as an angel now, looking out for me, making sure that I don’t get too sad or lonely. She brought me here to you, after all.’
‘She did,’ I whisper.Look out for the colour blue, I remember Eliza telling me and I smile at the memory and how far we have all come.
