Page 82 of A Part of Me and You
I only have five years to go until I turn forty so I’m sure I will come up with something between now and then.
‘Okay, yes I will do that. I promise to scare the shit out of myself in your honour, Your Honour,’ I joke and she looks directly at me, her face scrunched in disbelief.
‘You better!’
‘I will,’ I promise. And then we sit in silence for a moment.
‘You love to dance,’ Juliette then whispers to me. ‘I could see that in you. Do that more, Shelley, won’t you? You don’t have to wait till you’re forty to dance. You don’t have to wait another day to dance your socks off.’
‘Every day is a disco, isn’t that what you said?’
‘Exactly,’ she says with a smile. ‘Dance with your husband in the kitchen again when he comes home tomorrow, just like you used to and remember how in love it makes you feel. Never stop dancing in the kitchen.’
Goosebumps rise on my arms and tears fill my eyes. I never told Juliette that I used to do that with Matt, did I, but it was always one of my favourite things to do.
‘And keep doing things for others,’ she tells me. ‘Do something, just one little thing for someone every day and it will help you heal more than you know. Helping Rosie has helped you heal, I really believe that.’
I nod as my tears sting my eyes. No one will ever know how being kind to that little girl has helped me so much inside.
‘And every now and then, when things are not going your way or when life throws you a shit storm, close your eyes and breathe and know that it will pass and you have two, and soon three, very strong guardian angels up above, who will keep the wind at your back, urging you to sail on through your life at ease,’ says Juliette. ‘Get back into your book club that you loved so much, cook more like you used to, see the funny side of everything where possible and never say no to something out of fear. Love is always bigger than fear, Shelley. You no longer have to be afraid of anything.’
A tear rolls down my cheek at the thought of losing this beautiful woman. She has given me so much over the past six days and now I have something to give back to her. Peace of mind like she has never known it before. It’s my turn now. I am ready to tell her.
‘I have something to show you,’ I whisper, glancing at the door for fear of someone interrupting this moment. I take a photo from my handbag and I hand it to her. And as she looks at it, I wait. And I wait …
And then she looks up at me, and back at the photo and then she drops the photo onto the bedcovers and puts her hands to her face and she cries and cries and cries as huge waves of relief and closure engulf her whole body.
She nods at me and smiles then takes my hand and kisses it.
‘You found him,’ she says. ‘Yes, my darling, that’s him and you found him. That’s the man I thought was called Skipper. How did you find him, Shelley? Does he know about Rosie? What did he say? Oh God, you found him. You found him. What did he say?’
I pause. I was afraid she might ask me that but of course he didn’t say anything because I haven’t told him yet. I had to be sure before I said a word and before I saw her reaction, but now there is no question about it. Betty was right. Her calculations were exactly right. Rosie’s father is not Skipper after all. It is Matt.
‘I haven’t told him yet, Juliette, but I will when I see him tomorrow.’
‘Tomorrow?’ she whispers and her weary eyes widen.
I close my eyes and then I breathe out.
‘Remember …’ I whisper to Juliette. ‘Remember you said you thought when you first met me that I was a cold-hearted bitch?’
Juliette wipes her eyes. ‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Sorry about that because I was very wrong.’
‘You don’t have to be sorry,’ I remind her. ‘You said you were wrong, but in what way do you think were you wrong? I need to know what you think of me because I need you to know that I’m warm in my heart and I have so much room for love. I can love Rosie.’
She looks so puzzled, but I need to do this right. ‘Just say anything,’ I ask her. ‘Say what comes to your head.’
She ponders a moment and then she looks at me so sincerely.
‘You have been a light in a very dark place for both me and my daughter, Shelley’ she says to me. ‘You make Rosie glow and you make her feel safe, like she is going to get through this because you have been where she is and you have managed to battle on through it no matter what. You have shown her just how brave the human spirit is and to me, that’s very admirable indeed. You’re like a walking angel and you have changed our lives for the better. You have changed my life for the better as I face my dying days.’
Wow. Well, I wasn’t really expecting all of that and I’m floored, but I need to stay focused. I need to continue.
‘Juliette, I promised I would look out for Rosie, didn’t I, so you trust me with that?’
‘You did,’ she whispers. Her eyes are getting darker and heavier I notice. ‘And of course, I trust you. In return, I am going to wrap my arms around your little girl and your darling mother when I see them in heaven. That’s our deal, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ I agree. ‘But Juliette, my part of the deal is going to be a lot stronger than I originally thought. Thanweoriginally thought, after all.’
