Page 81 of A Part of Me and You
‘She’s in the kitchen,’ Helen tells me. ‘Your friend Shelley just popped by. I wasn’t sure if you wanted any visitors so I asked Rosie to entertain her for now. She seems nice.’
‘Shelley is a superstar,’ I say to my sister. ‘Rosie adores her. I was almost getting jealous at one stage as she was so enthralled by the woman and I couldn’t compare to her with her shop and her dog and her big fancy house.’
Helen nods in understanding.
‘Rosie knows what side her bread is buttered on’ she reminds me. ‘I can make an excuse if you want to? She did say not to disturb you on her behalf.’
‘Would you cut the formalities, big sis and just let my friend come in for a chat please?’ I say to Helen. ‘I know you mean well but stop fussing. I’m going to be okay.’
I close my eyes and then I open them again to see Helen looking on at me, in wonder at what I just said.
‘You are, aren’t you?’ she says to me and I manage a nod. ‘I’ll go and get Shelley. Let me know if it gets too much.’
‘How?’ I ask her. ‘Not like I can ring a bell or anything, can I, Nurse?’
‘No, but you could use a code word or something like we used to do when we were younger if I casually pop in to close the window or pull the curtains?’
I close my eyes again and smile.
‘Gosh, we were always so close, weren’t we Helen even if we didn’t realize it when we were growing up?’ I say to her. ‘It’s funny but I see a very similar easy connection between Rosie and Shelley just like that. Coming here was the best thing I have ever done, even though I didn’t find the man I thought was Skipper. I’m glad I came for Rosie. I’m glad I came back for me.’
‘That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day,’ says Helen. ‘I’ll go and get Shelley.’
Shelley
I have been shaking like a leaf until this very moment, yet now, as I sit on this chair beside Juliette’s bed in this little cottage by the sea with its lemon and white interior and the cool breeze coming in off the water, I couldn’t feel any more at peace if I wanted to.
All of my fears, all of my worries as I drove here with such dread have gone and all I can see is the beauty in Juliette’s weary face as she lies in front of me like an angel with a smile that tells me she is very glad to see me.
‘You do know when I first met you I thought you were a cold-hearted snobby little bitch,’ she says to me through her cheekiest smile. ‘It just goes to show, doesn’t it?’
I shrug, able to take what she is saying on the chin. I’m sure she isn’t the only person who has got that vibe from me lately.
‘Never judge a book by its cover,’ I say to her. ‘Is that what you are going to say?’
‘I was trying to think of an appropriate equally clichéd sports quote but it isn’t coming to me fast enough,’ she says. ‘My old brain isn’t what it used to be.’
She reaches out her hand and I take it like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. Two friends, one dying inside and longing to live in Juliette, one living inside and longing to die in me. At least that’s the way I was before I met this wonderful, inspirational woman who has no idea of the great bond and connection we will always share, even beyond the grave.
I had practised on the way here what I would say to her but now none of my speeches or approaches seem appropriate.
‘They wanted to take me home to England but it doesn’t look like I’m ready to leave my beloved Killara just yet,’ says Juliette, still holding my hand. ‘I’m not ready to let go of it yet for some reason. I do believe there is a reason for everything in life, a time for everything. Even a time to die.’
I think of this cottage, empty without her when she does eventually go and it catches my breath.
‘I don’t want you to go,’ I say, not knowing where my words are coming from. ‘I don’t know what I am going to do when you go, Juliette. I am going to miss you so much.’
She leans back into her pillow and looks at the ceiling.
‘Forty, eh?’ she whispers, shaking her head. ‘I just about made it to forty and I’m grateful for every single day of my life and everything I experienced.’
But life isn’t supposed to end when you’re forty, I want to scream out loud. It’s supposed to just begin, isn’t that what they say?
‘Promise me Shelley that when you turn forty, you will do something totally insane and equally wonderful and remember me when you are doing it,’ Juliette says to me. ‘Would you do that please? Something totally mental. Go crazy, even if it’s just for one day.’
‘Like what exactly?’ I ask her, loving the idea already yet my heart is piercing with tiny pinprick pains at the thought of her being totally gone which she will be of course by then.
‘I dunno,’ she says, still staring at the ceiling. ‘Jump out of a bloody plane or something mad like that – with a parachute of course. Or go skinny dipping in the moonlight. Or hike through a jungle or desert or rainforest. Just do something that you think might push you, not a little, but a lot. Scare the shit out of yourself. Remember how good it feels to be young and alive and pinch yourself if you have to in order to make you realize how damn lucky you are to be alive.’
