Page 75 of A Part of Me and You
‘I have so many things I need to say to you but where do I start?’ asks Dan and I manage a smile and to shake my head ever so slightly. ‘I have so much I want to say right now, Juliette.’
‘You want to say that right now I’m the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen?’ I suggest to him but he isn’t really in the mood for jokes. He squeezes my hand as tears fill his eyes.
‘Tell me about the night we met,’ I say and that seems to raise a reaction.
‘You’ve always loved that story,’ he says to me and it is true. I have.
It wasn’t a drunken night out, it wasn’t a blind date, it wasn’t an online dating agency or any such thing, it was by pure chance that we met and we have both always told our meeting story with great pride to anyone who would listen.
Dan takes a big breath and squeezes my hand again. His eyes are darker now, spilling over with despair and worry but his voice soothes me just like it has for the ten years that I have known and loved him.
‘It was an evening in August and I was on a plane on my way back from Paris, feeling sorry for myself because I hated flying so much and Ireallyhated flying alone,’ he begins, and I almost mouth the words along with him, so familiar is this tale. ‘I was terrified, in a middle seat and was cramped and uncomfortable with a wailing baby on one side and a snoring old man on the other side of me.’
I nod and close my eyes, smiling at the sound of his voice and the most beautiful story I have ever been told.
‘Go on,’ I say to him. ‘And then you looked—’
‘And then I looked in between the seats in front of me and I saw the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my whole life and she was talking to someone about not being afraid of flying,’ he continues. ‘I saw that it was just a little girl she was speaking to and in about three seconds. I realised I was being a big baby as the little girl was much braver than I was.’
I laugh at this bit, I always do.
‘The little girl said to her, ‘Mummy I’m not afraid. I’ll always be okay when I’m flying next to you’ and I said to myself ‘what the hell am I afraid of when this child is being so brave in front of me? Me - a grown man, when there was a child in front of me seeing the world in such a different way? She had someone she loved beside her and she wasn’t afraid and I realised, that’s what life is all about. That is what we are here for. To have someone we love beside us when we need to feel safe and secure.’
I pause. I haven’t heard this last bit before. I swallow. I wish I could speak out but I can’t right now.
‘Juliette, you have flown beside Rosie every day of her life, and not just since that first moment I met you both on that flight from Paris,’ he says to me. ‘I may have helped you with your bags from the overhead locker and we may have talked the whole way up the aisle as we shuffled along, and then again as we waited at the carousel and then when we swapped numbers and knew we would be meeting up within days, but she has always been your number one and you should be so proud of that. You have flown with her all this time and you always will.’
I inhale all of his familiarity as I lie here with my eyes closed, the sound of music from the kitchen drowning out my daughter and my sister’s conversation and when I open my eyes and look at him, he is all that I want to believe in right now. Me and Rosie, flying together always.
‘I know that I didn’t give Rosie the gift of life,’ he says to me, ‘but you and Rosie gave the gift of her life to me and I will always stand by her side in whatever way I can.’
His greying hair by his temples, his piercing blue eyes torn with grief and despair clutch at my heart and I know that he means what he says no matter what.
‘Just be there when she needs you,’ I whisper to him. ‘She will always need you, Dan.’
He smiles a little.
‘I can’t promise to fly with her like you can but I’ll always be her wingman if she ever needs me and I know she will in some way as she grows up to be just as amazing as her mum,’ he tells me. ‘I will always be by her side when she wants me to be.’
A tear rolls down his cheek and he leans over to me and kisses my own tears away.
‘You didn’t finish the story,’ I say to him, my voice weak and as faint as my body feels right now.
‘Well, that lady who talked to me all the way to the exit of the airport that night,’ he continues. ‘I told her before we left, that one day I would marry her and I did, and it was the best day of both of our lives, wasn’t it, Juliette? You said to me that day you were the happiest woman in the world. And you looked like you were.’
I was,’ I tell my husband. ‘It will always be my happiest memory in the world. Thank you, Dan, for everything. You’ve been my wingman, you know that? Despite everything I always felt stronger when you were near.’
‘I’ve let you down, Juliette,’ he says to me and he breaks down and sobs like a baby. ‘I’m so sorry about the past few weeks. I am so, so sorry.’
‘Dan, no, you don’t need to be,’ I whisper to him. ‘We needed some time away from each other. I know I’m not going to be here for much longer but you needed to see that the time we have left is so precious and I need you to be strong. I need you, Dan.’
His sobbing subsides and he holds my hand to his face.
‘You have given me ten wonderful years of memories that I will treasure forever,’ he says to me. ‘So many things, so many great times and so much love from your big, generous heart. That’s what will keep me and Rosie going, Juliette. The love you gave to us will never die. And our love for you will go on forever and ever. We will talk about you every single day and we will love you every single day so you’ll never be alone.’
I close my eyes again and I smile in the knowledge that my man is by my side. My best friend in the whole wide world; I am his wife and he is my very own wing man. I love him more than he will ever know.
Shelley
