Page 71 of A Part of Me and You
‘Oh, snacks, of course,’ I say to Rosie and she doesn’t seem one bit bothered that I have caught her out. She just turns on her heels and makes her way back towards him.
‘I’ll have some crisps,’ I say after her but of course she doesn’t hear me and Shelley nudges me playfully.
‘Dean is Sarah’s nephew,’ she explains to me. ‘Hottest catch in town, so our Rosie has mighty good taste. He’s way too old for her of course. Check me out, I sound like I’m her mother.’
‘You’re right, he is way too old!’ I agree and Shelley and I glance at each other, each knowing what the other one is thinking and we don’t even have to say it. But then I do.
‘I know you’ve only known us for about five minutes,’ I say to Shelley. ‘But after I go, would you ever see yourself looking her up or just checking that she is okay? I probably shouldn’t ask that or put you under such pressure but she looks up to you as someone who really does get her more than I ever could, and even knowing that you might keep in touch with her would make this trip all the more worthwhile despite my brick wall where her biological father is concerned.’
Shelley leans her head on my shoulder and links my arm.
‘Rosie and I discussed this already,’ she says to me. ‘Believe me, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to that. I’d say before she leaves here on Saturday, Rosie and I will be planning her return visit as soon as she can fit it in around school and any other commitments she might have at home, or should I say, as soon as you allow her to come back.’
A shiver runs through me and I nod as I watch my teenage daughter flirt with Dean, her handsome holiday crush, at the same bar where I met the man who swept me off my feet and who unexpectedly let me bring her into this world. She flicks her hair back as she is speaking to Dean, her head tilted to the side and she throws her head back in laughter at whatever it is he’s telling her. I am going to miss so much of her precious life. She reminds me so much of myself sometimes it frightens me.
Her sweet naivety, her feisty ways, her determination – I think she gets that all from me and I hope she hangs onto those traits for as long as she can. I often wonder what traits she has that might come from her father’s genes. Maybe her sense of humour or her love of the great outdoors and animals comes from him? It kills me that she’ll never really get to know what she has in common with him. He has missed out on so much that I have gained, through no fault of his own, but I am now set to miss even more.
Her next birthday, her face on Christmas Day when she opens her presents, her exam results, her career choices, her boyfriends, her lovers, her friends, her wedding day if she takes the plunge (I think she will one day), her babies, her hopes, her dreams, her ambitions, her fears. I am going to miss it all.
‘She kind of belongs here, Juliette, doesn’t she?’ whispers Shelley.
‘She fits in here, for sure, but then I always knew she would,’ I tell my friend. ‘I really fitted in here too when I first came. I’m glad that part of me can live on in her, I really am. That gives me great comfort, not to mention knowing that you will be here – and Merlin of course. She really has fallen in love with that dog.’
I feel Shelley grip my arm a little tighter and then she leans forward and sips her water.
‘This might sound really ridiculous and I hope I’m not being insensitive,’ she says over the music. ‘But … would you do the same for me? You know, after you go?’
We don’t look at each other, but again I know exactly what she is thinking. Again, a shiver.
‘If there is such a thing as heaven, and I truly believe there is,’ I say to Shelley. ‘I am going to seek out your precious Lily and hold her in my arms and make sure she is being looked after by her sweet grandma and I will look after them both, just for you. Deal?’
‘Deal,’ she says and a tear rolls down her face. She loses her breath a little. ‘I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Oh my goodness, thank you Juliette. But how will I know if you find them?’ she asks me.
‘Oh, you’ll know,’ I say to her. ‘If your mother is anything like you, Shelley, I don’t think I will have any trouble in finding them. I think we’ll meet for sure and you will know, don’t worry.’
‘You’re a special woman,’ Shelley says to me as tears now run freely down her face. She dabs her eyes with a napkin and tries to control her breathing and I put my arm around her shoulder.
‘I am running out of time,’ I remind her, ‘so I can only see the good in everyone and the good I can do before my time is up. I think if all of us knew our days were numbered, we just might make the world a kinder place.’
Rosie returns to the table with a look of the cat that got the cream, just in time to up the mood a little, but I’m glad that Shelley felt confident enough to say that to me. It’s a pact we have made and I take great comfort in her being able to say how she feels.
‘So, any nice, um,snacks?’ I ask, noticing my daughter’s hands are empty.
‘There’s only cheese and onion crisps and there’s no way I’m going to eat those and have smelly breath for the rest of the evening,’ says Rosie. ‘And neither are you, Mum. No point looking like a movie star and smelling like you’ve halitosis, is there?’
Shelley and I both roll our eyes and laugh at Rosie’s very straightforward logic.
‘Aren’t you having anything to drink yourself,’ Shelley asks Rosie and the delight on Rosie’s face is priceless.
‘I forgot to get myself a drink,’ she replies. ‘O-M-G! I suppose I’ll just have to go back up there again.’
‘She’ll be back here to visit us all in no time!’ says Shelley as we watch my darling girl adapt her flirty pose at the bar again. She’s a chip off the old block for sure.
‘You could have trouble getting rid of her!’ I tell Shelley and we both know that it’s true. Rosie is perfectly at home around here after just five days. ‘I imagine there’ll be tears on Saturday when we’re leaving.’
Shelley doesn’t answer me. And once again, she doesn’t have to. I know exactly what she is thinking.
Shelley
