Page 66 of A Part of Me and You
I feel like I have a hangover as I make my way to the kitchen where I find Shelley tidying away bits and pieces that have gathered over the past day or so. My legs are weak and there’s a banging in my head, like someone is constantly knocking on a door within my skull, but I need to get up and face the day. I can’t lie around forever, especially not when I’m here.
‘Oh darling, did you stay here last night?’ I ask her. ‘You really are one in a million, Shelley. I’m sure you have much better things to be doing with your time than looking after us. I’m so sorry for yesterday.’
Shelley busies herself, wiping down worktops and filling the kettle.
‘I can assure you that this is where I feel I should be right now, and it’s the least I can do,’ she says to me. ‘Now, sit down and I’ll get you a cuppa. How are you feeling? You look a bit brighter this morning. Did you have a good sleep?’
Her words of encouragement are endearing so I decide to go along with her observation.
‘I’m a bit brighter, yes,’ I tell her, but the sadness in my eyes won’t lie. I sit down, slowly. ‘It’s not going to take me over just yet, Shelley. There is no way it’s going to happen this fast. I have plans for today. I have plans for the rest of this holiday.’
‘Do you need to see a doctor?’ Shelley asks me. ‘You look very frail, Juliette. I know you’re in a lot more pain than you were yesterday and you don’t have to try and hide it from me or from anyone. Please don’t suffer in silence. I’m here for you.’
I shake my head.
‘Yesterday was beautiful,’ I tell her. ‘The day before was also beautiful. Every day that I’ve been here with Rosie has been so wonderful and I don’t want her last few days here to be spent watching me in bed with a doctor by my side. I simply won’t let it happen.’
Shelley’s hands are shaking as she pours a pot of tea.
‘You can’t play God, unfortunately, Juliette,’ she says to me. ‘If you need a doctor, I’ll get you one. You can’t pretend this isn’t happening.’
‘I’ll pretend for as long as I can,’ I say to her and she stops what she is doing and looks me right in the eye.
‘You’re a stubborn old gal, aren’t you?’ she says to me. ‘Were you always this headstrong?’
I manage a laugh. Then I shrug and roll my eyes.
‘I have been told that before a few times, yes,’ I say to Shelley. ‘You have summed me up pretty well, my friend but I’m not giving in until I have to. Not until I collapse. I’ll keep standing until I can stand no more. I need to keep going for Rosie and to make this holiday what I intended it to be. Fun.’
Shelley takes a deep breath.
‘Tell me what you have in mind for today then, Superwoman,’ she says as she brings the teapot to the table. ‘Seriously though, Juliette, don’t push yourself physically if you’re not up for it today. I’m sure Rosie will understand if you need another day’s rest and I can look after her if you need me to. I could take her into Galway and do some shopping like you said she might enjoy?’
Her offer is very kind, but I need Rosie near me today and tomorrow and every day from now on. I may not have too many days left.
‘Thank you so much, Shelley,’ I say as she sets down tea cup and pours me some tea. She sits on the chair opposite with her own cup in her hand. ‘I’ve had a wonderful few days here. I’ve tasted the most beautiful seafood and freshly baked desserts not to mention all the bubbly; I’ve felt a whirlwind of emotions run through my veins when I was on the back of that horse and I’ve seen the most magnificent sights as we sailed around the Cliffs of Moher. In fact, I’ve enjoyed every single moment, especially opening this cottage door every morning and smelling the sea on my doorstep.’
Shelley’s eyes well up as she smiles across at me. ‘You really do take it all in, don’t you?’ she says. ‘You’ve helped me awaken each of my senses too and I can’t thank you enough for that. I was dead inside before you came along. I really can’t thank you enough.’
‘Hearing you say that makes all this pain a lot more bearable, believe me,’ I tell Shelley. ‘I had a feeling that coming here would make some sort of difference even though I didn’t really know how. I didn’t get to meet Skipper, but I got to meet you instead and that has made it even more special than I could have anticipated. You’re going to be okay, you know that Shelley? You have a great man who loves you, you live in the most beautiful place and you have wonderful friends. You have a lot to live for.’
‘And you have made me see that I do,’ she says to me. ‘Rosie is a lucky girl to have had such a strong woman as her mentor in her early years. I know it’s a cruel twist of fate to take that away from her now, but she has learned a lot from you. She’s a lot like you, you know that, don’t you?’
I nod and smile at Shelley. I’ve always loved when people saw similarities between me and my daughter.
‘You have left a great legacy in her and, in a way, in me too. I will never, ever forget you for it.’
I see tears well up in Shelley’s eyes and the fear of my death rippling through her as she looks at me.
‘Then you’ll have to see my mission through ‘til the end,’ I tell her. ‘No backing out now, Shelley. You said I have awakened your senses. Well, I have one more of those senses that I want to make the most of.’
She looks intrigued and I can see her run through the five senses to see which one I have still to maximise.
‘Sound?’ she suggests and I nod.
‘Correct,’ I tell her, sipping my tea. ‘Today I’d like to go to Brannigan’s Bar and drink Guinness and listen to a traditional Irish music session and let the sounds of the fiddle and the bodhran and the whistle fill my soul. Do you think you could round up some people to play some music for me, or is that too much to ask at such short notice?’
Shelley is up on her feet and pulling out her phone already. I feel a shiver run through me as she takes on my request with such passion and determination. She is glowing as she speaks on the phone, and pacing the floor with excitement.
