Page 58 of A Part of Me and You
Juliette
It is so good to hear Shelley’s voice and I can honestly say that she has perked up quite a bit, even on the phone, from the downbeat shell of a girl I only met a few days ago.
‘Shelley! So lovely to hear from you. We have plans to go sailing soon around the cliffs with Leo, and I’m really looking forward to it, as is Rosie. How was your morning? I bet you were tired after yesterday.’
‘I was tired to be honest but I was also feeling very energised and positive afterwards, especially today,’ she says to me. ‘So much so that you will never believe what I did today. I’ve been itching to tell you!’
I am intrigued. ‘Go on?’ I say to her.
‘I actually pushed myself and went to Galway this morning with my mother-in-law,’ she says. ‘And we had a wonderful time shopping and brunching and people watching. I know to most people that’s an everyday thing but I’m so out of touch with real life and I know that you’ll understand how big a leap it was for me to do that.’
I take a deep breath. ‘You’re a champ,’ I tell her. ‘I’m so proud of you. Keep taking these baby steps, Shelley. I can see your glow is starting to return and we need to keep fanning those flames.’
Shelley’s newfound positivity, as simple as it may sound to an outsider, is music to my ears. I shudder to think of what she must go through every morning when she wakes up, especially this week when her husband is gone.
‘So, did you buy anything nice?’ I ask her, looking at my nails as I speak and reminding myself that I really do need to take more care of my appearance. ‘I’m hoping to take Rosie shopping tomorrow, all being well. I’m sure Galway was buzzing today, was it?’
‘Of course it was,’ says Shelley. ‘It always is this time of year. It was nice to get away from here for a change of scenery, but …’
I wait for her to continue.
‘Are you there, Shelley?’
‘Yes, yes I’m here,’ she says much to my relief. ‘Oh, there are no buts at all about a morning in Galway, Juliette. Just ignore me. It was lovely and it was nice to spend some time with Eliza. She’s such a darling and makes me feel good from the inside out. I should really be in her company more. She’s so different to my own mother and of course no one can ever take my mother’s place, but she’s got my back and I feel safe with her. I need to do things with her more often, for both of our sakes.’
I want to hug her and cheer her on even more. She has so much more to give to her life and she is finally starting to see that.
‘That is so good to hear,’ I tell her and I really mean it. I am sitting on a picnic bench across from the cottage watching the boats come in and out from their day’s fishing as I wait for Rosie to get her stuff together and if Shelley hadn’t called, I’d probably have ended up moping or weeping and feeling sorry for myself. I keep thinking, or should I say, worrying about Dan and wondering if it was a good idea to leave him out of this trip when I know it would have done him the world of good to get some time away from reality. If only he would get sober enough to make that decision easier.
‘It’s a pity you’re at work, as it’s such a beautiful day outside. I’m not sure this good spell is meant to last so I’m lapping it up while I can. Tell me, do you think you’ll be busy all day?’
She pauses. ‘I’m not sure, why?’
‘I was going to suggest you pack up for the day and come and join us? You’ve had a great day, the sun is shining. I think you should come and have some more fun when the going is good.’
‘You always have the best ideas, Juliette,’ she tells me, brightening a little more. ‘Life is too short for shit, isn’t that what you told me the other day?’
I shrug and laugh in response. I can’t remember if I did say that, but what’s new there lately? According to Rosie, I’ve the worst memory ever, after all.
‘I may have said that at some stage,’ I say to Shelley with a giggle. ‘I tend to spew out lots of little mottos now that I’m on death’s door so don’t feel the need to take all of them seriously.’
‘I’m going to finish up here right now,’ Shelley announces. ‘I’ll put a note on the door and I’ll go out and get some of that sunshine on my face. I am going to miss you when you leave here you know that, Juliette! You are like flames under my feet every morning, like the push that I’ve needed for so long. I’ll never forget you for it.’
Well, I feel honoured at that and I remember Sarah’s words from earlier when she said we had helped Shelley so much, then a wave of fear overcomes me when I think of how she might be after we leave. She will never see me again, yet I am not sure she is even thinking that way. When I leave here, I will be leaving to die.
‘You can come and join us if you want?’ I suggest again, wondering if she is wanting me to say what she is already thinking and hoping that I can keep her spirits up for a bit longer before Idogo. ‘I don’t want to pressure you, but the invitation is there and you would be very welcome. I think Rosie is your number one fan so she would be delighted.’
I hear Shelley breathe in and out again. I breathe in and out again. I am tired, more tired than I will ever admit, and it’s starting to gnaw at my bones and although I’ve been denying it to myself, I am light-headed and dizzy more often than I’m not these days.
‘Ah, that would be such a perfect way to spend the afternoon. Are you sure you don’t mind?
‘Of course I don’t mind!’ I tell her. ‘We’d both love to have you come along!’
She asks me where I am right now and I explain my exact location.
‘I’m directly across from the cottage, sitting on a picnic bench with the wind in my hair and looking like I haven’t a care in the world,’ I tell her, trying to force mind over matter. ‘All I need is a glass of something bubbly and I’ll be sorted.’
‘Well if that’s the case, don’t move an inch and I’ll join you very soon,’ says Shelley. ‘I’ll just pop home and get changed and … oh, I don’t have my car with me today. Ah, maybe I’m being too spontaneous and irrational. I’ll just—’
