Page 55 of A Part of Me and You
Sarah wipes a stray tear from the inside of her eye.
‘Gosh, really? I have? How?’ I ask.
I am genuinely taken aback by this. I thought it was very much the other way around with Shelley and I. She is the one who has been helping us have a good time.
Sarah shakes her head and exhales as if she doesn’t know where to start.
‘Shelley has been … look I don’t want to talk behind my best friend’s back, but she has almost disappeared since Lily died,’ she explains to me. ‘She’s just … been gone. And I’ve missed her company. We used to be like sisters. Meeting you and Rosie seems to have given her this magnificent lift. Your timing, as far as Shelley’s concerned, was almost fateful and yesterday on the beach meant as much for me and Shelley as friends as it did for you and Rosie as mum and daughter.’
‘My goodness, really?’ My cynical view of this woman’s perfect life has mellowed as I see the pain and gratitude in her eyes when she speaks about her friend. I feel better already at the very idea that I may have helped, even in the tiniest way, to ease Shelley’s pain or to show her that life really is worth living – because of course I only realize how fragile it is now that mine is about to end.
‘Yes, you really have sparked something off in her and I, for one, am so delighted to see it,’ she continues. ‘It’s like my best friend is slowly coming back to life, like meeting you and Rosie has breathed some new life into her. She has been to the most devastating hell and back but it’s only now that she’s realizing that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to learn to live again, and maybe even love again too. Guilt free.’
She sips her coffee quickly as if she is trying to stop herself from saying too much more than she already has.
‘I never even thought of it that way,’ I say to Sarah, ‘but maybe there was some big universal reason for us meeting. I do believe that everyone comes into our life for a reason, and if they leave, they leave for a reason.’
‘Exactly,’ agrees Sarah.
‘I also believe that Rosie came into mine for a reason even though at the time it was the very last thing I expected,’ I tell her. ‘I didn’t want to be a single mum and have a child to a man I didn’t even know, who probably didn’t even remember I existed. I thought when I had her that I would have a best friend for life, but that isn’t working out too well, is it? All we can do at the end of the day is embrace what comes our way and have faith that somebody out there knows what it’s all about and is taking us in the right direction.’
‘My God, you must be terrified,’ Sarah says to me. She has pushed the remainder of her chocolate éclair to the side now. ‘Did you ever manage to tell Rosie’s father about her? Does he know yet? You are so incredibly brave, Juliette.’
I shake my head and look out onto the harbour.
‘I’m not brave at all, Sarah, I just don’t have a choice unfortunately,’ I tell her. ‘And no, he never did get to know that she existed and that’s going to sink in soon. He isn’t here anymore unfortunately, so I reallydon’thave a choice. I should have tracked him down at the time but now it’s too late. I left it too late.’
‘He isn’t here?’ asks Sarah with surprise. ‘Do you mean here on earth or here in Killara?’
I can see her calculating years and dates and Rosie’s age in her head.
‘Both,’ I tell here. ‘He isn’t here on earth and he isn’t here in Killara anymore either.’
She puts down her coffee.
‘You mean he wasfromKillara?’ she exclaims. ‘Well, if that’s the case I must know him then. Who is he?’
I look over to my daughter to make sure she isn’t listening in. I have nothing to lose now by telling Sarah who my one-night lover was. He is long gone and he wasn’t even from here after all. What is there to keep secret anymore, apart from not letting Rosie know just yet, I can tell Sarah openly, can’t I?
‘His name was Pete, but he went by the nickname Skipper and I believe he was a good friend of Matt’s, Shelley’s husband? He was a boatman and he’s gone now, as you probably know. Gone from this earth as well as gone from Killara.’
Sarah’s hands slowly come up to her face and she nods her head as it all slots into place.
‘Oh yes,’ she says, and then she shakes herself back to reality. ‘God, yes, I knew him really, really well. Wow.’
She looks over at Rosie. Then back at me.
‘Wow,’ she says again. ‘He was one of our gang for a short while many years ago. We were all so shocked and upset when he died. Bloody hell, Juliette. Who else knows about this?’
I take a deep breath.
‘Absolutely no one around here apart from you and Shelley,’ I tell her. ‘I don’t even know why I told you, Sarah, sorry if this is all too much. I probably shouldn’t have told you.’
But Sarah is fascinated.
‘And are you going to contact his family?’ she asks. ‘Do you even know where to start looking for them? Wasn’t he from Waterford or somewhere that direction? Yes, Waterford, yes he was definitely from there.’
‘Yes, he was apparently and no I have no idea how to contact his family,’ I say to her, emphatically. ‘I have no clue what I want to do next, Sarah. I might let sleeping dogs lie until I get home on Saturday, or else I might take my daughter for a walk today and tell her everything, as little as it is so far, that I know about him. I’m just not sure she can cope with all that baggage with what she already has ahead of her. Or maybe I’ll write it in a letter for her to read much later, after I’m gone and she’s old enough to digest it. I don’t know, Sarah. I just can’t get my head around it at all.’
